Tip #11: Special Days

Celebratory dates: sure there is always his/her birthday, anniversaries (large or small), Halloween, and even St. Valentine’s day if you want to fall into that commercial trap (I’ll have a special St. Valentine’s romance post in February)! No, this tip is to suggest that you get creative with coming up with special dates during the year that are dear to your relationship and that you and your partner can celebrate together. For example, you could celebrate Full Moon nights every 27.3 days; make an even bigger deal out of it when it is a Blue Moon (did you know that a blue moon is when there are two full moons in one month?); or maybe you might want to acknowledge a favorite Goth icon’s Birthday or Deathday in a special way (see NewGothCity.com for these dates); or even better yet, start a special yearly, monthly, or even weekly holiday that only both of you invent and enjoy together! The bottom line here is that you and your partner spend time ritualistically appreciating a special event together.

Day-Crawlers in the Mist -- Part IV

Greetings my dear Gothlings!

(Original post date: 3/1/10)
Blimey! My Day-Crawling field research almost proved disastrous for me the other night when I foolishly parked myself within striking distance near an elusive and dangerous Day Crawler creature known commonly among them as a Cougar! Here’s what happened…

Just the other night, out of shear boredom, I ventured to the familiar watering-hole at the Times Square W Hotel’s lobby bar to immerse myself within this migratory herd that have taken rest here for the night. As I reached the floor of the lobby bar and the elevator doors ‘ding-ed’ open, my ears were flooded by the sound of a massive herd of day-Crawlers. It was quite deafening really. I braved onward. All the habitual pack members were present: the Alpha-males, the cunning females, the suits, the wide eyed foreign ones, and the rest of the herd loudly satisfying their thirst and socializing needs. My quiet corner of the bar that I usually take as my my vantage point was heavily populated and I struggled to find an open slot in which I could squeeze into. Quickly enough, at the other end of the bar, I noticed a space for me to conquer. I swiftly occupy the space without really taking into consideration who my watering-hole neighbors were. That was my major faux-pas.

Immediately I felt judgemental eyes upon me. No problem…I’m used to it…it just pure Day-Crawler instinct to judge me by my appearance. I calmly place an order with a bartendress and slowly open my notebook to start jotting down some notes. Using my keen peripheral vision I skillfully take notice that to my left is a small pack of 4 young males trying to impress two much smaller females. The males take little or no interest in me, and, a bit surprising to me, relinquish more space at the bar, in turn, closing in further on the unsuspecting females. I take a cautious and slight glance to my right and there she was…The Cougar!

Cougar was probably not the right word for her…mangy Bobcat was more like it! She was in her late 50’s to early 60’s, blond, dressed like any ex-hippie would (think jeans, a suede jacket, and beads), and was intoxicated. As I penned my notes on my notebook’s blank page, I felt her gaze clumsily trying to focus on my hands and what I was writing. Her gaze then combed me from head to toe in efforts to try to drink me in completely…as if she hadn’t drank enough already! I could feel the questions she wanted to ask me percolate in her mind.  She was going to engage me conversation, this I was sure of. I continued to write in my ominous looking notebook…trying to avoid eye contact. I then closed my notebook away from her prying eyes as I took a refreshing sip from my glass of wine.

“Excuse me, ” she started…”Oh, here we go,” I thought…”but is that a bible?” she continued.

“No…this  is my notebook. One doesn’t usually writes in a bible,” I pointed out. She wobbled a bit, tried to focus her eyes onto mine, and became rapidly fascinated with me and my actions.

I took a long scan at the rest of the room over my left shoulder, away from the Cougar in a tactful attempt to avert her gaze…I was also searching for another slot at the bar to which I could sneak away to…but with out any luck.  I could sense that she was again staring at my hands. I will admit that my hands, especially my digits are of particular interest to Day-Crawlers — I have long and extremely pointy finger nails, which are painted in a black lacquer, and my fingers are adorned with rather unique silver rings. So yes…my hands are interesting.

The next thing I know, this odd woman scoops up my right hand to have a close examination of it. All of the sudden I’m standing there with my hand in hers as if she’s going to propose marriage to me!  The most comical part was the bartendress’ reaction to this display before her! She gave me a quizzical and bewildered look, and all I could do was return the same.  Moreover, over the course of time that I was there, the Cougar did this odd behavior not once…but THREE TIMES!!!

I must digress here and give a very scientific explanation of what is a “Cougar.” The term of Cougar (Puma Sexualis) was coined approximately three to four years ago to describe a Day-Crawler female over the age 40 who sexually prey on males much younger than she. Technically, a Cougar is lithe, svelte, and quite physically toned to compete with younger, firmer females for the attention of males. The Cougar is adequately armed with experience, wisdom, sultriness, and the money of one or several ex-husbands, making her even more dangerous. The Cougar is apt in moving quite stealthily when seeking when stalking her prey, and no Alpha-male can tame her; plus every day-Crawling boy she successfully hunts down are left confused, drained, and maybe a bit more experienced.

Back to my ordeal: This Cougar is hitting on me hard! I try to make an effort to ignore her, but to no avail. She was persistent. After some back-and-forth she eventually and confidently asked: “Do you want to join me back in my room for some fun?” I instinctively answered, “Of  course I do! Sure…why not?!? Just give me a few minutes to settle my tab and get my coat out of the coat check. What’s you room number? I’ll meet you there.” She whispered the room number in my ear, gave my earlobe a slight nibble, and stumbled off to the elevator. I settled my tab…I got my coat….AND HIGH-TAILED THE FUCK OUT OF THERE LIKE A JACK-RABBIT!!! I literally flew into a cab outside of the Hotel. I escaped unscathed…but rather shaken. Beware the COUGAR!

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles

Poem: The Gift of a Flower

A gift of a Flower was given to me,

A man, I was, without one, you see.

Her petals black, her stem so strong,

And just out of reach, for far too long.

This gift, I thought, I did not deserve,

But a place in my heart, she did reserve.

My passion attempted to make this gift grow,

For only a brief time, is all I know.

Suddenly my dear Flower had gone;

Like a dream, ruptured by the dawn.

What did I do, or what did I say,

To have this gift be taken away?

I stand, a man, with Flower no more;

Consumed by questions, and an empty core.

A gift of a Flower was given to me,

With never a chance to love, you see!

                                                -- Sir William Welles

Tip #10: Compliments

Compliments! Again, take notice of detail and offer your loved one at least three compliments the time you spend together (or on the phone/text), per day. Simple, small compliments are just fine. You don’t have to go over the top. However, if you really want to get through to some one’s heart (this is kind of an under-handed trick, but the results are pleasing to all) what you should do is to positively compliment something that your lover is insecure about! For example: she…uh…let’s just say: she doesn’t like the shape of her…uh…ear lobes. Yeah, ear lobes, that’s it! She always tugs on them or hides them, keeps looking at them in the mirror and sighing, or whatever. Then at some point in time, out of the blue, you say something like: “You know what I like about you? Your ear lobes, they’re so cute!” she will naturally return something like: “What? Are you kidding me? You’re just saying that! My ear lobes are hideous!” That’s when you have to stick to your guns and say: “No, they are not! Not at least to me…I think they make you, you.” Follow up with a hug and/or kiss. The bonus behind this tactic is that it will boost her/his confidence and strengthen your bond with them all at the same time. Don't believe me? Just try it, and see...

Tip #9: The Windows of the Soul

One of the most reliable, yet cost effective (ie. Free!), thing you can do is eye contact. Not just looking into her or his eyes, but really gaze into them. Lose yourself in those eyes! Moreover, spice up this gaze with several emotion laden squints, winks, sad puppy-dog eyes, worrisome eyebrows, and especially mysterious and sultry glances. Then, try to communicate with your lover by only using direct eye contact and facial expressions. If done correctly, after a few weeks of practice, it will seem to each other that you can both read one another’s minds by way of simple glances. This will elevate your bonded relationship to a whole new level, I promise. After all, they say (admittedly, I don’t who “they” are…) that the eyes are the windows to the soul…but it’s true!

Day-Crawlers in the Mist -- Part III

Greetings my dear Gothlings!

(Original post date: 12/28/09)
CRICKEY!!! You will never believe the experience I’ve just had last night! What a rare and fascinating experience! Let me explain…I was unaware, but fortunately privileged to observe a multitude of younger, more underdeveloped Day-Crawlers at a watering-hole which gave me much insight to the basic instinctive behaviors of this species. The research data I’ve gathered is rather staggering and remarkable in which I’ve concluded that common social Day-Crawler behavior is indeed forged at the 18 to 21 year stage of life! Let us proceed into my tale…

I arrived at a familiar watering-hole close to my dwellings at approximately 11pm last night (the name and location of said watering-hole shall not be disclosed here for legal purposes…you’ll understand why in a bit). I could witness from across the street that the establishment was thick with a vast herd…a bit unusual, I thought, but reasoned it to being due to the Sunday night ritual of watching a barbaric gamed called the “Foot-Ball” (which oddly enough hardly involves feet what-so-ever) on numerous television screens.
This specific watering-hole, being known as a “Sports Bar” usually tends to attract male Day-Crawlers seeking to witness male-on-male competition, which, in turn, attract single females whom feign interest in said athletic competition in hopes of finding a mate…a rather desperate and futile exercise, in my opinion. But this was not the case, I soon found out. No! As I approached the watering-hole I soon found myself face-to-face with an inexplicable hoard of under-aged Day-Crawlers!

As I entered I found myself pressing forward through a frenzy of bodies that have not yet fully matured, but find themselves in a much sought after adult environment (for the record I gauged the age range to be 18 - 23). Astonishing! What were the chances? This was maybe a once in a lifetime shot to observe less mature Day-Crawlers at a watering-hole which were gathered there illegally. Let me explain how this rare occurrence comes to fruition:

Usually, within this Day-Crawler age bracket, an attractive female will serve as a scout (perhaps accompanied by a small cluster of other females for maximum effect) in search of a watering hole that is rather lax in their age restriction/serving alcohol to those under 21 policies. On a Sunday night most watering-holes don’t bother to hire a Bouncer since most Day-Crawling revelry is ritually done on Friday and Saturday nights. Once said young Day-Crawling female has infiltrated such an establishment using her charms on either a doorman/bouncer/bartender, or all of the above if skilled enough, she will quickly use her technology to summon others of her flock to her location. Soon enough a swarm of similar males and females overwhelm the watering-hole and its staff…a sad sight, really.

I was forced to witness several of the bar staff struggle against the onslaught of rapid demands and ravenous appetite for libation! They descended on the bar like a fat kid on a happy meal. The bar staff (most of them good acquaintances of mine) were reduced to nothing more than drones trying to keep afloat among the chaos in which they swam in…they obviously weren’t expecting this…all I could do was watch in horror.

I pushed past the hoard toward the back of the watering-hole in hopes of finding a small cover of refuge. In doing so, I found two acquaintances that are employed at the watering-hole cowering from the invasion of young Day-Crawlers. Being Day-Crawlers themselves, this gave me great cause for alarm. I found a small 2ft. X 2ft. haven which seemed fortunate…but…unfortunately was situated directly adjacent to the male and female urination area! Now…whilst this might sound unsightly, it did give me the unique opportunity to witness a rather heated conflict between the young Day-Crawler sexes!

As I stood there, quiet and still, in my corner, in close proximity of the Day-Crawling relief sectors, I observed that the sheer volume of herd population was overbearing on the watering-hole’s facilities. Now, it is scientifically proven that a female Day-Crawler’s bladder is much smaller than a male’s, allowing for reproductive organs and such. And it is also architecturally proven that there are far more relief stations for males than females in any given establishment and/or watering-holes…a sad fact…but true…thus, the following happens:

Males have the fortune of relieving themselves less often and are quicker in doing so (thanks largely in part due to their ability to urinate upright, and their clothing are adapted to accommodate such practice), as opposed to their female counterparts, sometimes having to remove several layers of clothing and also taking extra care of hygiene, primping, etc. within an already restrictive area, hence a queue quickly starts to form. Sometimes small packs of two or three females will enter a small lavatory at once which sometimes adds to the time spent inside as opposed to lessening it in theory. Now, in this day in age, especially with the younger generation of Day-Crawler females, they are not so shy to use a male relief area if unoccupied and if pressed, tossing segregation to the wind. However, you will find that (and particularly because females tend to take longer) that the males become quite hostile to this practice…especially after ingesting several beverages, thus the conflict has been formed…and I find myself uncomfortably amidst this scene. I move to another perch…

I manage my way to the front end of the watering-hole with some great difficulty. As I squeeze through the swarm of young day-Crawlers I feel their judgemental gaze upon me, each commenting on my outlandish fashion and appearance. These adolescents know not what to make of me. They have scarcely ever encountered someone like me in their sheltered, trustfund-baby lives. All eyes on me as I make the long and arduous walk through the thickest part of the crowd where I find my new vantage point. Soon enough I overhear the usual comments and snickered insults. This time, for some strange reason, I feel rather boisterous and resilient to this pack…maybe because they are a lot younger, weaker, and far more inebriated than I am.  When I overheard someone whisper to another, “Hey, take a look at that guy standing behind you” I made sure to move in close and make strong eye contact as the Day-Crawler peered over his shoulder to take a gander at me . With me staring at them in this fashion he was immediately intimidated and diverted his gaze elsewhere. But soon something quite amusing happened…

It was approximately 2am when the Day-Crawling younglings started to migrate away to their lairs, and it was about this time that I felt comfortable enough to move freely about the watering-hole. As I passed by the last remaining pack of baby-blue oxford shirt and khaki pant wearing Day-Crawling males, a spindly, baseball capped individual voiced the following comparison about me to his fellow pack members: “Hey, look! It’s Professor Snape!” This particular Day-Crawler was in such ear-shot of me that he was almost shouting it in my face. I stopped dead in my tracks, turned toward his nerdy little frame, leaned in, and said, “Really? A Harry Potter reference? Is that the best you can do? How much of a child are you?!?” I said this rather loudly just as the jukebox music subsided at just the right moment for all his pack brethren hear me berate him. The bar staff, who is well aware of my style, began laughing at this Day-Crawler’s expense…as did the few Day-Crawling females that lingered. In an instant the spindly Day-Crawler vacated the watering-hole rightfully embarrassed and hopefully have had learned a lesson in tact and decorum. Truely a fascinating experience, indeed!

Until next time, my dark friends!

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles

Tip #8: Planned Spontaneity

A wise man once said: “Planning doesn’t kill spontaneity…it creates opportunity!” While being spontaneous can seem very romantic, it is a knack that not everyone possesses. A lot of elements and variables come into play when trying to do things with your lover “on a whim.” Here is my solution: Planned Spontaneity! Sit down for fifteen minutes to a half an hour one night and jot down on a piece of paper at least 10 ideas of things to do with your girl/boyfriend “on a whim.” Think of it as planning out your next 10 dates. When doing this, think especially of things that can be done at the spur of the moment and that can easily accommodate both of your hectic schedules, energy levels, and affordability. This concept is pretty simple in the fact that what you may have planned out in advance, if not communicated to your lover until the very last minute will always seem spontaneous to them! Or at least will seem extremely thoughtful. CAUTION! Sometimes even the best laid out plans can back fire on you…try to also have a back-up or plan B!!!