Friday, April 29, 2011

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Poem: These are a few of my favorite things

Raindrops on gravestones and whiskers on black cats
Dark velvet jackets and wild vampire bats
Black patent leather boots tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things!

The Headless Horseman’s steed and eyeball shaped candy
Church bells and suzu bells all just sound dandy
Ravens that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things!

Girls in black dresses with acrylic sashes
Heavy eyeliner that won’t clump on eyelashes
A harsh and dark winter that comes before spring
These are a few of my favorite things

When the Day Crawlers gawk
When the clubs close
When the night fades to day,
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I will feel-
Slightly less gloomy!

-- Marisa Schiro

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Tip #13: Halloween

This isn’t necessarily a very romantic tip, per se, but I wanted to be cutesy and reserve the number 13 for this very topic: Halloween. Now, while yes…it is pretty early in the year to be discussing Halloween (depending on when you read this post – it was written on April, 26th). I’d like to take the time to explore some new traditions while revisiting some old ones in order to make our favorite day of the year even more Gotherific!

It’s no surprise that Halloween is any Goth’s favorite secular/non-Federal holiday…it’s the one time of the year when all of the spooky things, campiness, and morbid humor we embrace through our nightly lives are also embraced, or at least accepted, by the mainstream popular culture, and thus we feel slightly less like the rejects of society we are perceived to be…notice how I wrote ‘slightly.’ It’s a magical time of year when fantasy and make-believe reign supreme through the minds of children and adults alike; but also a bewildering time for Day-Crawling women to dress like ├╝ber-sluts and Day-Crawling men to act like moronic fratboys…Well, on St. Patrick’s day too, but I digress…

For Goths Halloween should go further than two weeks worth of costume contests at every Halloween nightclub party or gorging oneself on scores of candy and treats. So, following is a list of ideas, new and borrowed traditions, and gloomy things to make your next Halloween extra special…especially if you are celebrating it with a loved one!

  • The 13 days of Halloween: I never understood the whole 12 days of Xmas whilst growing up…were they trying to compete with the 8 days of Chanukah?  Regardless, I want to take this concept and run with it. The 13 days of Halloween actually start 11 days before Halloween and flows past All Saints day and will end on the Day of the Dead which is November 2nd. For example, for Halloween this year (2011), the 13 days will start on Friday, October 21st and will end on Wednesday, November 2nd, with Halloween falling on Monday, October 31st (Duh!). Within these 13 spooktacular (ugh…I hate that pun…had to use it though) days is when you should implement the following traditions and activities listed below.

  • No Work: Even though Halloween isn’t recognized as a national or religious holiday, and the banks are open, and you will get mail, it doesn’t mean you can’t schedule, far in advance, one or two days off to fall on October 31st and/or November 1st (to cure that hangover). If you get much resistance from your boss, just tell him/her that for you it’s a religion holiday you need to observe…hey, it works for Jewish people!

  • Gift-Giving: The giving of gifts to friends, family, and loved ones need not be confined to Xmas, birthdays, or anniversaries anymore! Fun and darkly delicious gifts, whether simple or elaborate, inexpensive or pricey, can and should be exchanged or given within the 13 days of Halloween.

  • Morbid Pranks: This Halloween tradition was primarily popularized by the mainstream television industry…more notably by Roseanne Barr and her Halloween special show on her sitcom that was all the rage then. Unlike the pranks played on friends and family (or even strangers) on April Fool’s day, these pranks don’t so much fool people as much as scare the living crap out of them! Beware of causing heart attacks or injury though! When I was in college at the University of Miami (don’t ask) I was very proficient at special effects make-up and I made this huge scar down my arm with a bunch of fake blood all over the place in my dorm room. I then called in a friend on her phone and told her to please help me and hurry. She bolted down to come help me only to find me dead on the floor with my horrific gash in my forearm. Well, she screamed and ran to my side trying to revive me…and just as the moment was right I popped up and said boo! Of course, she was a bit peeved at me at first, but soon enough we both had a good laugh about it (too bad I didn’t videotape the prank).

  • Cards: Forever cranking out a card for any and every occasion, the greeting card industry actually has a myriad of pretty funny and appropriate Halloween cards for us Goths to choose from. *Hint: Get in the habit of buying a bunch of them soon after Halloween is over when they are at a discount and save them to send out to friends and lovers the following year (this also work for candy corn…the shelf life on that stuff is like 1000 years!).

  • Halloween Music: If I hear The Monster Mash or One Eyed, One Horned, Flying Purple People Eater one more time, I’m gonna hurl! This tip is particularly geared to all those in a band out there (are you reading this, Voltaire?): Make more and better Halloween songs! But, please, no cheesy remakes of the 12 days of Xmas/Partridge in a Pear Tree song! That song is waaaaay to repetitive and boring!

Ok…let’s get started with these and I’ll add some more on future posts all the way leading up to our favorite day of the year. If you have any ideas or Halloween traditions of your own, please share with the class, I would love to hear them!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Day-Crawlers in the Mist -- Part VI

Greetings fellow Explorers!!

Many of you might not know that I like to take my field research expeditions to various Day-Crawler watering-holes diverting in factors such as age range, economic status, trendiness, popularity, etc., and it just so happens that the other night I found myself back at the Oak Bar located within the opulent and historical Plaza Hotel (maybe I was inspired by watching a screening of the Arthur remake movie starring Russell Brand to make a fool of myself). Mere blocks away from such exceptionally trendy and dive-y watering-holes, the Oak Bar represents very old and stogy money dating back to the 1800’s industry boom, and that’s why I love it here! Know why?
This watering hole also almost represents me in every way: on the one hand, there is the old fashioned and proper decorum which I have learned to embody within my life…on the other hand I can sit back and mock the plethora of trustfund-babies, tourists, and stuck up old rich people to my heart’s delight! Funny enough, at a hotel bar, I am the “refresher,” meaning that in the sea of tourists/guests/etc., I am, of course, the odd one out…something different! A male, Gothy Ugly Betty, if you will! Being thwarted into the service industry as a child by my restaurateur family, I understand and can relate to the wait/bartending staff, and we all become fast friends with an Us vs. Them mentality.

The bar staff quickly recognizes me from when I unknowingly crashed a Tyler Perry film preview party there (you should have seen that night! OOF…talk about taking a wrong turn at Albuquerque!!! “Oh, pardon me Ms. Janet Jackson!”)  and they scramble to find a discreet spot at the edges of the meager and crowded bar for me. Alas, the only spot available right smack in the dead center of the bar. I slowly, and quietly ease into the slot, not to disturb the natives, and my wine order is fulfilled.

Suddenly, I am aware that, once again, I find myself in the middle of a party and/or a function that was winding down I which everyone there knew everyone else there…that is…except for me. Yipes!!! I stand my ground. Interestingly enough, the younger males within this more “well-bred” type of Day-Crawlers are far too self-absorbed and exude a sort of hyper-confidence a defensive tactic, and choose to ignore me completely as I undoubtedly pose no real threat to them. The young females, or “Belles” as I like to call them, also exude an air of arrogance and confidence, but as they randomly start to flit around and about, I notice a hint of adventure, danger, and conventional rule breaking gleam in their eyes! This was serious…for you see, in this echelon of Day-Crawlers, and the power and freedom that wealth wields, the females have a deep desire to secretly embark on wild, naughty and forbidden escapades while outwardly appearing like a virginal and pristine princessess, especially in the eyes of her parental units.

The Belles are constantly on the hunt for the scandalous thrill. This includes, but is not limited to: drinking to excess, taking illegal stimulants and substances, dating dubious men outside of their social circle or age range, and random non-committal sexual encounters. And this at this particular watering-hole all of these elements were already in play! Being that the time was around midnight, and on a weeknight no less, most of the Belles were already a bit intoxicated and wobbly…all the while remaining poised in their evening gowns worth thousands of dollars.  Then suddenly from behind my right shoulder I overhear one particular Belle boldly ask one of the young males if he had any marijuana, cocaine, or pills they can take in the hotel’s stairwell…at the PLAZA!!! I was aghast! To this I turn around and lean my back on the bar to survey the entire vista. Then I notice, at the far end of the room, one particular Belle (the only one dressed in black, might I add), flanked by her well-to-do parents – the patriarch is a stout elder male with a proud mane of silver hair and finely clad in a tuxedo; the matriarch was equally well clothed and jewelry encrusted, actually she resembled a prime specimen of…*GASP*… No…she was a prime specimen of “The Wealthy Cougar!”

At first the younger Belle of this clan would occasionally peer at me from the corner of her eyes…it seems that I was of particular interest for soon enough she had turned her torso ninety degrees South toward my direction as to hold a more precise and focused gaze. From time to time she would try to meet my eyes as I scanned the room, and it was apparent that I was being sized up as a potential, yet unapproved and negative attention generating mate for her. Well, in her defense, I was: A) at least 15 years older than her, B) dressed very unconventionally and thus, C) probably led a very tawdry lifestyle. These three factors are very attractive to the Belle’s stat-of-mind and goals…but it is also attractive to another animal at this particular watering-hole!

As I was still surveying the land, while seemingly and simultaneously playing peek-a-boo with the black clad Belle, I abruptly noticed her Wealthy Cougar of a mother to her right. My heart started to race, a lump in my throat formed, and a bead of sweat trickled from my brow, for the Cougar’s eyes were ablaze and deadlocked onto me!  She somehow sensed her offspring’s interest or fanciful fascination of me and was staring me down for either one of two distinct possibilities: 1) She was protecting her cub (and possible family wealth) from the likes of me, and trying to scare me off; or 2) she wanted me for herself, thus placing herself in direct competition with her daughter! And even though this Wealthy Cougar is married (actually, her husband was falling asleep by this point), she was once a Belle herself some 30 years before…and those wild Belle yearnings still pulse through her veins! Add the angst and disappointment of aging in the mix, and you find yourself in front of a very volatile and dangerous creature who will cease at nothing until she gets what she wants…this you can take to the bank, my friends!

Silence…The Wealthy Cougar rises from her perch at the table in one effortless and graceful movement…her eyes tirelessly focused on me…the Belle is left behind, confused…the Cougar was on the prowl…nervously, I turn my back to face the bar once again…big mistake…In a flash I feel the Wealthy Cougar’s hot breath on the back of my neck…Goosebumps…my nails dig into the bar’s railing…the Cougar takes a step closer and brushes up against me as she ponies up to the bar to my left…I anxiously take a sip of my wine…ice jingles in my glass…she swings her left shoulder and in a swift movement she is facing me directly…purse on the bar…my mind racing for an exit strategy…fight or flight?...fight or flight?...she offers a slight moan and part her lips…

“My…you are a devilishly handsome one, aren’t you? Are you staying at the hotel?” She inquires seductively.

Then…it hit me! THE PURSE!!!
In the blink of an eye, my entire demeanor changes. I offer a huge gasp of surprise, place my outstreched nail-polished fingers on my chest, and in the biggest, most stereotypical gay voice (like I was channeling the Jack character from the Will & Grace sitcom) I could muster, I point to her purse and shout:

O.M.G.!!! Your purse is FAB-U-LOUS!!! Is that Prada or Yves St. Laurent? No! Lemme guess…Gucci? Am I right? Oh you must tell! The suspense is KILLING ME!!!”

With a huge look of shock and disappointment she stated coldly that it was indeed a Prada purse and quickly moved back to join her clan. Finding my exit window, in character, I gingerly paid my bar tab and sauntered out of the watering-hole, again unscathed. The only real problem is going to have to explain myself the next time I set foot in there to the one gay bartender who once thought the I was gay when he tried to hit on me the first night I was there (another long story). It might have been a dirty tactic to play out, and I never intend to insult any of my dear gay friends…but desperate times called for desperate measures!

Until next time!!!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Tip #12: Cheating

The human animal is not a monogamous one...point blank. Much like felines and canines, the human male is instinctively hardwired to go forth and much as possible...spreading that seed around like a lawn sprinkler (you get the idea), and the human female is constantly on the prowl to upgrade her partner. Thus, cheating on a loved one eventually becomes an issue. Sexual temptation is all around us, especially in this hyper-sexed society we live in today! Every person, right down even to the most virtuous and prudish have "impure" thoughts at any given moment. Again, it's's what drives us to survive! Now, to prevent us from being a bunch of horny animals running around like baboons we have suppressed these feeling and regard cheating as morally wrong (thanks religion!) and I do agree with that...somewhat...

This is my tip about cheating on your lover: 
If you want to be commited in a monogamous and romantic relationship...! But if you want to screw around like a pornstar on an ecstacy binge, that's fine too...just break off any intimate relationship before doing so! In essence, If you want to live like you're single, be single! Cheating on a spouse or a boy/girlfriend takes waaaaaaaaaay too much time, energy, money, and effort to juggle in the cheating lifestyle. Plus, it is one of the most hurtful things you can ever do to someone, there is no explaining the deep and heavy feeling at the pit of the soul one experiences once they discover they've been cheated on...death of a loved one is sometimes easier to handle.  

Lastly, there are plenty of people who pine everyday to find true and long-lasting love. It is something that is precious and very hard to acheive. To rob someone of that by cheating on them is beyond cruel and it also ruins the chance for someone else out there to have a true faithful relationship with the one being cheated on. It might seem that running around having an affair is tantalizing, fun, naughty, and much easier than breaking off a relationship, but in the end everyone involved gets hurt...just don't do it...

Monday, April 4, 2011

Day-Crawlers in the Mist -- part V

'Ello! 'Ello!

O.k., so now we're all caught up on my past adventures, yes? Good! Since then, I've gotten new Day-Crawler observing gear (see right insert) and it's been about a year now that I've been very quietly observing our research subjects in their natural habitats, and I do have a great deal to report! Let's start!

It seems that within the last year, due to the depletion of basic resources, the watering-holes have dramatically slimmed down in population size. And when the heard thins, the herd becomes desperate! With that, things have gone topsy-turvy, upside down, or downright backwards of sorts!!!

At several recent trips to a trendy, and migratory Day-Crawler watering-hole I observed, with much astonishment, that young, nubile, and so-called attractive females were allowing themselves to be approached and wooed by a seemingly inferior caliber of males that have passed their prime years ago! I hunker down and watch as I am undetected by my black Goth attire camouflaging me against a small black wall at the edge of the watering-hole...
At first I tried to claim this particular and praised vantage point by the black wall, but was rudely shoved aside by two such older males as they grunted ahead of me...practically dragging their knuckles on the ground! I responded with a slightly menacing remark to, like them, establish a sort of dominant stance...but I then quickly stepped back and gave way to is not my role to interact with these "creatures of the day."
Allow me a brief moment to describe these two aged alpha-males:
  • SPECIMEN #1 -- Age: Late 50's to mid 60's. Height: 5 foot 7 inches. Balding. Clad in a sports jacket over a fluffy turtleneck sweater & slacks. Adorned with gold jewelry. We shall call him "Vinny."
  • SPECIMEN #2 -- Age: Early 60's. Height: 6 foot 1 inches. Heavy-set. Slow witted. Clad in a business suit with an open collared shirt, no necktie. Glazed over look in his eyes, and is clearly what most Goth scientists would call a "Lummox." We shall name him "Po-Po."
From the start Vinny and Po-Po were clearly on the hunt for some easy females to prey upon. Their testosterone levels (even though depleted from age) were at their peak. They scanned the entire watering-hole for some vulnerable victims...their nostrils flaring unconsciously in attempt to pick up on a scent of pheromones. Then, after some trial and error they pounced on two unsuspecting younglings.
Vinny approaches the two "Does" first, from the side flank. Quickly following behind is the staggering Po-Po...grinning stupidly to himself at the potential sexual conquest that awaits him. All four engage in the usual banter and mundane pleasantries peppered with false compliments and outright untruths. The Does are clearly thirty years the males' junior, but, even though they are apprehensive, they are curious! "Might these males possess wealth, stability, and social standing for us?" They think to themselves as they give each other acknowledging glances and facial expressions. Probably the males do possess these eye-catching attributes...but more than likely they are only searching to fulfill an instant sexual gratification...what I have heard referred to during my travels as a "whambam-thankewmam!" Such strange language indeed!
My two specimens are clearly playing, what I call, the percentage game! Simply put, this is when a Day-Crawler male will start from one end of the watering-hole to the other making contact, any type of contact, with every female along the line (those whom are not guarded by another male’s “cocbloc” protective stance, mind you) in effort to mate with them. If the male is swiftly rejected, no problem…he confidently moves onto the next. No loss on his part! His hopes are that from the myriad of females found within the confined area, at least one will be interested in his advances. Think of it this way: there is a room full of 100 women. A man asks each of them to have sex with him. 99 percent of the women will reject the man without batting an eyelash, but if there is one woman (maybe libations impairs her judgment and inhibitions) and she is willing to do so…that’s a meager 1% return…and guess what? That is all that is needed for this predator…only 1%...FASCINATING!!!
So…Vinny and Po-Po are trying to impress these two young females with their worldly and experienced banter, but I can’t imagine that any of them have anything in common (think: Wheel of Fortune vs. American Idol…don’t ask me what that means…I have no idea!). They are persistent, however, the two girls now seem a bit annoyed; maybe realizing that the two men, whom are older than their fathers, are trying too hard to get them out of their knickers! 
But Lo! What’s this??? The two young girls abruptly pack up and migrate away! Vinny and Po-Po are left to themselves and somewhat disappointed but they quickly shrug it off and recover to stalk about the watering-hole, this time in separate directions…a sort of “divide and conquer” sort of tactic. Vinny takes the far end of the area, and Po-Po is left clopping about, trying to figure out his wherabouts, at the near end. Soon enough, and quite to my astonishment, both specimen have found two new females to interact with…but wait…something is different…something is amiss with the situation before me!
Suddenly, just as my field research was at the apex of interest to me, my attention riveted, a group of foreign Day-Crawlers spot me and insist on taking photos of me posing with their friends…Who was on Safari here, I pondered! I tried to fend them off with no avail, so I relinquish to their demands as to get it over with as soon as possible. Once that ordeal was done I return my focus on Vinny and Po-Po. Again, both older Alpha-males were making stupendous progress with their respective prospects. But how could this be?  Unexpectedly, both Vinny and Po-Po escort these females to the elevators for their rooms, each sporting a hyena’s grin from ear to ear. I am left dumbfounded. This was not the norm! This was illogical! These two women were somehow too attractive and all too willing for these older males to conquer so swiftly. My mind scrambled over a thousand theories as to why and how! Then…it hit me!!! These two females were not some random wanderers around the watering-hole…oh, no, no, my friends! They were (as I now learned) known as “Gators,” who will gladly lure in unsuspecting and lustful males into sexual interactions in return for monetary compensation! BLIMEY!!!
And that will be the next topic in our Day-Crawlers in the Mist series wherein I will attempt to make actual contact with one or more of these ferocious Gators! Stay tuned to see if I survive…or fall prey to their deceptive ways myself!!!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Article: The Art of Gift-Giving

Throughout this blog I will offer plenty of tips regarding gifts. Gifts, whether large or small, low-budget or costly, are very important within the romance dynamic, and I thought I should take the time now, at the beginning of this entire blog, to explain, in general, exactly why.

Most of mainstream culture tends to offer gifts, or presents (note: the word ‘present’ when referring to offering something to someone, remove it from your vocabulary immediately! The difference between a gift and a present is that a present is obligatory and requires a sort of mutual exchange, whereas a gift is given on a circumstantial basis and does not require anything back outside of a show of gratitude and/or thanks) to family members, friends, and/or loved ones on specific occasions or holidays (either religious or commercial) as a gesture of kindness. This stems back to tribal or even pre-historic times when an “offering” or “sacrifice” was made to show respect and loyalty. The same principles hold true today when it comes to gift-giving within a romance…but what most people don’t realize is that it goes much deeper than a token gesture of gratitude…much, much deeper!

Whether between boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, or between plain friends, the act of the “non-occasion” gift holds an element of power! Now, don’t get me wrong…this isn’t a competition about who buys the better gift, or who frequently gives more gifts than the other (although, I will address that issue at a later post)…no, the power that the non-occasion gift has is that this tangible thing you gave…this gift, is a representation of you! It screams, “HEY! This person was thinking of you! Pay attention!” Well…maybe it doesn’t scream…but it definitely whispers in one’s ear. Let me explain. In seduction and romance, it is important to be constantly in your lover’s mind…a distraction, if you will. Do you know the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind?” Well, nothing can be more true in this case! Pure, passionate love requires that thoughts of the loved one consumes one’s mind to the point of “distraction” (notice I didn’t write “obsession,” that would be stalkery), and oddly enough, gifts stem from that notion, but also help fuel it!

On the one hand, a gift, especially the non-occasion one, will prove to your significant other that at one point of the day you took the time, effort, and money (no matter how much) to put together a gift especially tailored for them…and that will make them feel…yup, you guessed it: SPEH-CHUL! On the other hand however, said gift, especially if it something wildly whimsical and fun (that is to say: NOT a gift card to Walmart) will serve as a constant visual cue to remind your lover’s about your thoughtfulness when you aren’t present (meaning not around…the right way to use the word) and thus will be in be in his/her mind…a distraction. See how wonderful that works out? Notice how when couples break-up they typically pile all of those gifts and trinkets into a box and stuff it in a dark corner of a closet…or in some cases when it comes to us Goths, up in a blazing bonfire on a full moon night…Out of sight, out of mind.

Next issue: Gift caliber. There are three criteria a gift can fall into:
1)     Pricey or Thrifty
2)     Creative or Standard
3)     Practical or Whimsical

Pricey or Thrifty: First off, it really is up to the individual gift-giver to gauge what is pricey for him or her…to some $1,000 is the equivalent of three weeks pay, to others it’s what they wipe their butts with in the morning (I’m looking at you, two percenters)! But for the sake of argument here, I’m going to declare anything over $200 as a pricey gift item, ok? A pricey gift, while flattering and impressive can be a bit daunting, especially early on in the relationship, and even more so if unwarranted! Buy a girl a spider shaped diamond encrusted brooch on the second date and warning signals are bound to go off! Trust me…I know… Did you ever read somewhere that each anniversary year the gifts exchanged are to be of a particular type? Paper for the first year, leading up to diamond for the 50th anniversary of wedlock (funny word, wedlock)…yeah? Well there is a reason for that. Apply that same list within your relationship’s gift-giving practices. Now, unless you are dating a gold-digger, the thriftier gift will actually hold more clout, especially if it is creative…which brings us to our next category…

Creative or Standard: Let me start with the “standard” type of gift. Sure, you can always catch the hint that your man needs a new belt, or your lady would just love to have the latest Justin Beiber CD! Sure…pretty run-of-the-mill stuff…blah! YAWN! The creative gift however is where the real magic lives! It’s beyond the “thinking of you” gift; it’s the “I made this just for you” gift…and that speaks VOLUMES!!! And if you are not a particular creative person (although as a Goth, you should be, even just a little…comes with the territory), don’t fret. I’ll have many step-by-step creative gift and creative gift packaging tips explained in full detail in future posts…I’m not telling you to turn into Van Gogh or anything…although, the ear thing…quite a statement!

Practical or Whimsical: This is a pet peeve category for me. Imagine, you are turning ten years old, and on your birthday, your very own special day, your heart is really set on a non-practical, fantastical toy. You are handed a large, beautifully wrapped box and you tear into it like a ravenous wolf…only to find…twelve pairs of socks! Behold, the practical gift! Or in this case, and actual “present.” (side note: for some real fun, as a practical joke, actually do this to a ten year old on their birthday followed by a better gift…the reaction is priceless…make sure you get it on video!) As another example, try giving your mom a vacuum cleaner or a blender (especially if unrequested) on Mother’s day…see how that flies. On the flip side, the whimsical gift serves no other purpose than to amuse and/or tantalize. Gag gifts and novelties are the best for this…the cuter the better! But be aware, it must be within the relative context! Meaning that the whimsical gift must symbolize something to the gift receiver. For example, your boy/girlfriend once mentioned over dinner that he/she went to a strict catholic school when younger, and ever since they have been terrified of nuns. One day, weeks later, you walk into a random store and spot one of those wind-up toy nuns that walk and spits out sparks from its mouth like Godzilla. BINGO!!! See where I’m heading here? Don’t get me wrong…there is a time and a place for the practical gift…but only when it is desperately needed . Your girlfriend calls you and complains that her favorite, and only black cauldron suddenly broke in two…well then, take the hint!

So, let’s recap: Pricey or Thrifty; Creative or Standard; Practical or Whimsical. I want you, when you are planning out a gift, to mix and match these three criteria to formulate the proper and perfect gift. Make a project out of it! It can be thrifty/creative/practical or pricey/standard/whimsical, etc. (If you are still a bit confused I will give you better, more precise examples in later blog tips…trust me.)

Lastly, while all of this might sound very scientific, contrived, and formulaic, it shouldn’t…I just had to break it down and lay out the basics of gift-giving. It is up to you to take this information and make into a sort of second nature to help propel your opportune relationship. As you constantly have your lover as a welcomed distraction in your mind, you should always be on the look-out for potential gift ideas throughout your daily…*Ahem*…I meant, nightly lives!

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles