Monday, June 13, 2011

Tip #28: The Bedside Sex Kit

CAUTION: The following post contains some rather explicit material of a sexual've been warned!!!

O.k., this once is a bit more racy and saucy compared to the other tips, granted...but hey, it's just been that sort of week! The Bedside Sex Kit is a list of considerate items to have ready and at arm's length situated at your side of the bed to alleviate any awkward moments and pauses that might spoil the mood during lovemaking. This tip is more or less geared for those who aren't living together, or for those impromptu one-night stands!

If you have a bedside table with a drawer, clear said drawer and stock it with the following items to be ready at all times. If you don't have a bedside table with an available drawer, get yourself a small box...even a shoe box will do, and again, stock it with the following items and keep it under your bed.

The items you will need are as follows:
  • Two (2) small towels or hand towels...preferably white, so as to see them easily in the dark, and used to wipe up any random fluids that have been tossed about. One for each of you.
  • A package of (several) condoms, within the expiration date limit.
  • Two (2) medium or large sized bottles of WILL need it for hydration. One for each of you.
  • A tube of water based lubricant (if in case you didn't know, petroleum based lubricant will deteriorate latex condoms, so that's a no-no).
  • A packet of Listerine breath strips or Altoids...this serves as a dual purpose: 1) fights off morning breath and 2) serves as a quirky stimulant during oral sex (caution: this might have some adverse effects if someone is overly sensitive to any of the ingredients of the breath mints on their sexual organ...use with extreme caution!!!) Read this article to find out more about this!
  • Any (*ahem*) sexual toys you may both enjoy.
  • A butane lighter to light any and all candles (Tip #3) and/or for that post-coital cigarette if you are smokers.
  • Handcuffs (with spare keys)...Hey! You never know...
  • Chloroform (JUST KIDDING!!! I wanted to see if you were still paying attention).
  • A small and discrete plastic or paper bag to dispose of any used items.
  • And any other kinky little things you perverted individuals might need.

Outside of the ingredients found in the drawer/box, you shall also provide a clean black tee-shirt in his/her approximate size, a new/disposable (read: cheap) toothbrush, as well as a fresh bath towel, all waiting for him/her in your bathroom. 

The end result here is (like the boy-scouts) to be prepared and to provide comfort and hospitality to your frequent or occasional sexual conquest(s) (that last part was not like in the boy scouts!), in that you are not taken away from your amorous adventure to suddenly focus on technicalities and/or practicalities.  

I'm sure I'm forgetting or omitting something(s). If you have any suggestions or items you deem necessary in the Bedside Sex Kit, please feel free to post it in a comment below!

Happy shagging!!!

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