Thursday, September 20, 2012

Recommendation: VOODOO coffin pool cue case

Does the speacial ghoul in your life like to shoot pool at the local watering hall or at a pool hall, or in a pool league? A great gift to surprise him or her with is an awesome fabric lined pool cue case in the shape of a coffin!
You can find this case for under $75.00 through I gave one to my new love, who started shooting pool in a league, along with a cool skull etched pool cue, and she and her friends still can't get over how amazing this looks...also scares the batshit of Day-Crawlers on the bus and subway! 

Friday, August 3, 2012

Tip #66: The Inside Joke

No matter at what point in a relationship you find yourself in, from the courting phase to having been married for what might seem like an eternity, it is very important to share at least one or many private inside jokes that are only funny and meaningful to just the both of you. Something that only both of you will relate to and will leave the rest of the world scratching their heads trying to figure it out.

Allow me to give you a quick example: BATH SALTS. Now…to most people…the combination of these two innocuous words of “bath” and “salts” would only describe a frivolous beauty or relaxation product and certainly not trigger a humorous response…granted. However, for the lovely creature I am seeing and myself, not only do these two mundane words strung together makes us giggle like giddy little schoolgirls, but it also denotes a meaning of attraction and passion!

Here is how “Bath Salts” breaks down for us: Remember a few months ago, there was a pretty twisted story out of Miami, Florida in which a homeless man was found buck-naked and chewing off the face of another homeless man who was also in the buff? Well, if you do or don’t remember, the outcome of this very bizarre story was that the aggressor in this incident was completely zoinked out on a bad batch of LSD, but he said to the authorities that he had taken bath salts! In a matter of hours from the news breaking there was a huge online social network buzz calling this the beginning of the Zombie Apocalypse. Now, with that nugget of information in mind, one night my precious and I, after some substantial drinking, found ourselves in a blatant public display of affection…and let’s just say it was said to have been...somewhat messy. After a few days, some of her friends mentioned to her that it looked as though we were chewing our faces off as we kissed…and from that moment on the inside joke of “BATH SALTS!” was born! So now, every time we want to discreetly communicate to each other the notion that one of us totally wants to snog the other randy, we simply say “bath salts” and then it’s usually followed up by a “Rawr! Nom Nom Nom!” and sealed with a dainty kiss.

A little complicated? Sure. But that’s what makes it our own! We have another triggered by the words “EGG WHITES!” but that one is way too personal to post on this blog. To create your own personalized inside joke moment you both have to be, first of all, on the same wavelength about many things. Then, when the right moment happens (you’ll just know when this happens…you’ll feel a strong connection in sense of humor) solidify the idea, situation, meaning, etc. with a simple title, gesture, or even a facial expression, as long as it serves as code between the two of you. Lastly, if the inside joke becomes outdated, stale, or no longer relevant…no worries…find or make up a new one! Bonus: Two Goths smiling and laughing to themselves over an inside joke scares the bejeezus  out of Day-Crawlers!!!

Monday, July 9, 2012

He Hit Me - by The Crystals

Was watching Mad Men (yes...I watch Mad Men) when I ran across this song...Listen to the lyrics...WTF?!?!?! What the hellz was wrong with people back in the 1960's ?!?!?! *facepalm*

Friday, June 29, 2012

The Anti-Cheating Wedding Ring

HA! O.K....if you haven't heard by now, via the mainstream media, someone has created a special wedding ring, made of titanium, with the words, "I'm Married" engraved backwards inside the band. The result: If the wearer decides to take off the ring in order to fool a single woman, or man, into a fling, the tell-tale branding will be apparent on the deceitful spouse's ring finger skin. Kinda like on C.S.I. where they could tell if someone was or was not married due to a discoloration on the finger where the ring should be...only crazier.

Available through a novelty gift internet shopping site,, this ring actually retails for $550.00! But what I don't understand is: 1) If you have to buy this ring for your spouse, you should really be spending the money on a marriage counselor or a divorce attorney, or 2) if your spouse just can keep his or her pants on...wouldn't a more permanent tattoo be way more effective??? And 3) believe it or not, there are many single women and men out there that actually get turned on be seducing a married in that regards, this ring can serve as an aphrodisiac!!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Tip #65: The Break in Rapport

[ra-pawr, -pohr, ruh-]  noun relation; connection, especially harmonious or sympathetic relation

If you analyze any great romance throughout history -- or any sappy romantic/comedy plot Hollywood churns out monthly to disillusion their female audiences into believing what true romance is supposed to be like -- you will soon notice a habitual pattern when it comes to the storyline: Boy meets girl; boy and girl fall in rapport; boy and girl have a break in rapport; boy and girl reconcile; boy and girl fall in love in a grand manner; happy ending.

Did you notice that that rapport /break in rapport part in the middle? That's actually a crucial and very important part of a grand romance. Let me explain...when a couple are first going out with each other, everything is giddy and it should's that "teenager" type feeling you get in your gut. The couple is getting to know each other, mentally, emotionally, and even physically...this is creating rapport to see if they are compatible with one another. This can go on for as little or as long as it takes, building up beyond "falling in rapport" to "falling in love."

But, at one point, along this path, there is a certain, and sometimes sudden, break in the rapport. This can be as minor as a small disagreement over something trivial or a trip (business or vacation) apart, or as major as a temporary break-up due to one or both parties feeling hurt and/or betrayed. Depending on the severity of the individual situations, a break in rapport can sometimes lead to a permanent closure to the relationship...this happens. However, it is within that break that each side examines and evaluates the core values of said relationship. It is worth a reconciliation? Is the absence of the other a growing pain in your heart...or is it a warm and comfortable feeling of relief? Not matter what the situation or outcome is, a minimal amount of thought and effort must be placed here...unless, of course, if the relationship is an abusive one. Never second guess those! Run as far away as possible from those!!!

If the relationship is worth fighting for, and was meant to be, then a grand gesture for reconciliation is in order to re-solidify rapport and hopefully move onto pure and mutual love. If it wasn't meant to be, the two acquaintances will simply continue to drift apart and until one or both build new rapport with someone else. If it weren't for reconnecting with a loved one after a break in rapport, what would those romance films do with with all of those scenes of someone chasing down a departing train from the station with their lost love aboard it? Or the slow motion run-toward-each-other-and-embrace-on-the-beach scenes? Don't believe me? Rent out any romantic drama or comedy movie, TV show, etc., and prove me wrong.

It does sound pretty crappy but some conflict does make for a better's just the way romance works. In the end, I think that the break in rapport phase exists in order for each individual in a relationship to feel just that: a bit of individuality. If not, you could be drifting toward a co-dependant relationship...not a good place to find yourself in! So, basically, the tip here is that at any given moment, you will find yourself in this lose of rapport phase. When you mutually consent to reconnect, it is important to make a grand affair of can be simple or over-the-top...just make it hyper-romantic as to seal it with a kiss.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Tip #64: The Epic Engagement

For most people, a goal of being in a long term relationship is to one day get married with their chosen partners. For others this is not something they would subscribe to...and that is fine. However, whether you plan to get married or not, I would like to propose (pun intended) the notion of the Epic Engagement.

Now, can become "engaged" to the notion of being committed to each other; engaged to growing old together; or engaged to actual marriage...and all of that is acceptable according to your relationship and ideals...yet the actual engagement should be a grand event in its own right! Here's how:

  1. THE ENGAGEMENT RINGS -- That's read it correctly...I made it plural! An engagement ring for her and for him (or substitute appropriate gender here...I can't keep up anymore). Long gone are the days in which a man stakes his claim on a woman, branding her as his 'potential' property before marriage with a tentative ring -- which, somehow, is considerably more expensive than the actual wedding bands -- when placed on her wedding ring finger screams: "WHOA there fellas...this specimen of femininity partially belongs to yours truly!" No, no,, as Goths, you both get to be branded...equally.
  2. MAKE IT A PARTY -- Whether you plan to announce or actually propose at a festive sure to have a gathering. This is the first crucial step in making the Epic Engagement...well...epic. Plus, there is such a thing as engagement party gifts!
  3. LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION -- Party or no party, the location on which you will "mutually" propose to each other should be rather significant, meaningful, and romantic to the both of you. A restaurant, at a festival, in a botanical garden by the Venus Fly Trap exhibit, at a Goth night club, or in a cemetery...have at it, just be sure of the location and the logistics behind it work out right.
  4. THEME -- Now, while the overall theme of your Epic Engagement will undoubtedly be Goth, try to narrow it down a tad into something a bit more fun and inspired. Some suggestions include: The Addams Family, a funeral for your recently deceased single life, pirates, medieval, Victorian, werewolves vs. vampires, steampunk, Halloween, winter forest, or any Tim Burton film. Then find very creative ways to bring your chosen theme to life by way of decor, fashions, food/beverage, and other assorted accessories. Two great online sources for themed party supplies and decor are: and!
  5. VOWS -- Much like at an actual wedding, vows or a declaration of love should be written and expressed at the time of the engagement. To make this task a bit easier to conceive, just think of the promises you intend to bring to this union in the present and for the future and surround it with some dark romantic imagery. Seal it with a kiss, a drink, or a slap on the ass.
  6. ANNIVERSARIES -- Just as important as wedding anniversaries, engagement anniversaries should also be celebrated annually. To mark the significance of this date try to do something in accordance with your initial engagement's theme...remember reading #4 above? Gifts are also de riguer (See tip #35).  
The lesson here is to make an important event in your fortunate relationship into an over-the-top and very memorable one! Go all out and turn it into a epic production that will stay with you until your agonizing gasp of air...just make absolutely sure that your significant other will definitely say yes before you make a complete fool out of yourself! Bon Chance!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Betsey Johnson...

Somehow, it caught my eye...and it reminded me of someone...

Saturday, April 21, 2012


So sorry I haven't been writing much on this blog as of late. Haven't been really chock full of great romantic ideas for the past few months.

I'll be working on some new stuff and will post it up soon. Promise.

Meanwhile, if you are in a wonderful loving relationship, go right now and give that person in your life a very grateful kiss followed by a long soulful hug. You are the luckiest person alive...or at least undead.


Saturday, March 17, 2012

Tip #63: Topics to Avoid

On a first or second date it is very important to avoid the three following topics of conversation. It seems quite clear and evident, but you would be surprised how many people forget to adhere to this rule (especially Day-Crawlers). The three topics to avoid are:
  1. Politics
  2. Religion
  3. Exes (ex-wife, ex-boyfried, ex-lovers, etc.)

Sunday, March 4, 2012

New blog...

NEW!! From the creators of Romancing the Goth comes a new photo blog sure bring a smile to even the most black-hearted among you! Behold: GOTH KITTEH!!! 

Bookmark on your browser today and visit often!!!

Monday, February 27, 2012

What Goth is NOT

A tad long (18 minutes) but quite insightful none-the-less. Take a look...

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Tip #62: Make-Up Romance

Don't do it. Contrary to popular Day-Crawler belief, you should never use a romantic gesture to apologize after an argument or a fight. This will only taint your future romantic gestures for some time to come. Instead, simply give a sincere apology and put any and all romance on hold until the both of you have cooled down a bit or maybe after a week. Then pick up where you left off. Giving a peace offering of flowers or a gift to win back sympathy is a cop-out and if you think about it...rather insulting to insist that one's affections can be won by gifts.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Tip #61: The 14 Hour Date

Think of this as a marathon date in which you and your loved interest (no matter how long committed to each other or first starting to date) will set aside fourteen continuous hours where you will try to cram in as many fun activities as you can, back-to-back. Obviously, precise scheduling is key here! 

Start at around, say, 2pm for example and factor in events like: a late lunch, one or two movies, a theatrical performance, shopping, dinner, visiting a museum or cemetery, meeting some friends for drinks at a bar for a while, going to a nightclub, etc..

The main idea here is to get the most out of the entire time you have together. This works especially well for those who are too busy, have conflicting schedules, or are in long distance relationship and you have a time limited visit. Lastly, it doesn't hurt to throw in some Planned Spontaneity into the mix!

Carpe Diem!  

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Article: The "F" Word

There is a particular word in our lexicon that I have grown to to loathe! This word is used well over a trillion times a day and means so many things at once, yet means nothing at all at the same time. Contrary to popular belief, I am not talking about the vulgar expletive used to describe the act of fornication (Ooh! I just sounded like a priest just now!). The word I am referring to is: "Friend."

My disdain for this word started when I was very young and started going to school. From the first day of school, where we are all separated from our parental units and forced to interact with perfect strangers of our own age group, we become social animals. From that moment on, we categorize these peers into three main groups: 1) Those you like, 2) those you don't like, and  3) the best friend (*cringe* there is that word again!). Throughout the years that follow, alliances with other individuals will inevitably shift, grow, break apart, or simply wane due to life's situations and decisions. As a child, I had quite a few friends, and even certain best friends (both at school and in my apartment building), however, I was also keen to observe how others quickly used the concept of friendship a something purely negative...almost as a weapon of some sorts. Friendship between two individuals or more rapidly became a 'clique' or a 'clan' based on a common interest or dislike. Those unfortunate enough to find themselves outside of this circle of friends were often judged harshly by the cruel tribal minds of children within the clan. Even worse, the one child who had very little or no friends whatsoever was doomed to the fate of being ridiculed as an outcast and was treated as they were the carrier of every disease known to modern science! Sadly, many of these children end up committing suicide in their teens after so many years of lack of social acceptance and interaction.

Every day at school is the ever on-going drama of trying to gain and maintain one's friends while desperately trying not to make a complete fool of one's self in front of others. This can be quite stressful indeed! Soon enough, as hormones start racing, those "yucky" boys and girls start becoming cute and pretty. Now the pressure really increases as everyone wants to take the prefix of "boy" or "girl" to the filthy word of "friend."

My bitterness for this word basically stems from this period and stage of my life. Throughout my entire educational experience, while others were busy swapping love interests faster than they were changing underwear, I never had a girlfriend, let alone go out on a date, up until I was halfway through college. Sure, I had plenty of friends and some superficial conquests who were "girls," but as soon as my affections for a particular one grew and I tried to take the relationship one tiny step forward, I was painfully and repeatedly greeted by the all too familiar statement: "I like you...but only as a friend."

This statement that very easily flowed through those girls' lips which I so yearned to have pressed against mine, has haunted me for so many years...and even to this day! It had gotten so bad and mentally taxing that I often times gave myself the "just friends" speech as a preemptive strike to save everyone involved the awkward and embarrassing moment. As a result, I have not spent the vast majority of my life being very lonely when it came to my romantic life...but, oh...I was gifted with plenty of friends! My motto became: "A friend to many, a lover to none." Even some of my closer friends would often, seeing me at a constant state of being single, joke that my theme song should be En Vogue's "Never Gonna Get It" and would play it at the nearest jukebox when we would go out to bars. It still stings.

However, on the positive side, growing up romantically starved (and French) did lead me to become a hyper-romantic....only because I've come to crave it so (and that is why I so enjoy writing this blog for those who are fortunate to be in worthwhile relationships -- never take it for granted!). But I digress... where was I?...Ah, yes...the "F" word.

In today's world, thanks largely in part to MySpace, Friendster, Facebook, and other social networks, adding a "friend" is only a click away. But are most of them truly friends? The social networking technology is wonderful for a lot of things, however, in the process it has made the word "friend" into a trivial word that now carries no weight! Every and anybody can technically be a friend if accepted. This is much like certain individuals I have met throughout my life whom I called "The Serial Friender." I am quite confident that you too have run across this type of person within you life's journey. The Serial Friender (more often women than men for some strange reason) is someone who will declare anyone they instantly meet or have ever known as a friend and continuously label them as such! From the guy at the coffee-shop that pours the java to the woman at an art gallery show they shared thoughts about an art piece and everyone in between it's: "This is my friend [so-and-so]!" Business acquaintances, clients, classmates, the cashier worker at the grocery store, co-workers, the bank-teller, the smarmy guy at the nightclub, and even certain family members are all sucked into this cyclonic vortex and automatically dubbed as friends, thus thinning the word's meaning. The true Master Serial Friender will even go so far as labeling over 25 close individuals as their "best" friend. Now, how can someone have as much as 25 best friends??? It is physically impossible! Once again, the word "friend" becomes as thin as a mosquito's wing...defining nothing!

But speaking of social networks, I have taken a long look at Google+ and have come to respect their friendship philosophy in which you are able to place the people you connect with into "circles," and you can custom name these circles as anything you'd like: family, close friends, love interests, acquaintances, fans, followers, friends of friends, co-workers, classmates, etc.. The beauty of this is that, as in real life, you are able to filter through which "circle" you want to share your personal information or ramblings with. So much more sophisticated! 

I think that the main problem here is that within the modern and connected world we now live in, devoid of the notion of courtship and proper manners, we are often forced to quickly hoard all of the human connections we make into a safe "friend" barrel to then sort out at a later, more convenient date. This makes "friend" even weaker and passive... however, allow me to tell you a tale of how, for me, the word "friend" ultimately turned into the sharpest dagger ever created for the sole purpose driving it in my already vulnerable heart...

Picture it...St. Patrick's Day, 2006...I was still with my fiancée of over 5 years (together 8 years -- it's a long and painful history that I am not going to bore you any further with), and as tradition would warrant in her family, since her father was of Irish decent, I was excused from working for my fiancée for the day at her Entertainment company to go along with her father on his annual Irish pub tour that started typically downtown and would wind itself uptown to meet the end of the St. Patrick's Day parade. Starting at 11am, this was an exercise of pacing and bladder control, but it was great fun spending the time with my future father-in-law regardless...unlike his daughter, he was a very kind man to whom I aspired to.

Later, as we progressed through our beer-trek into the afternoon, we would be joined by the women-folk, namely my fiancée and her mother (my future mother-in-law), and continue into the early evening of St. Paddy fun. By the time 8pm rolled around, "dad," being in his mid-sixties, was ready to call it a night and wobbled safely home just a couple of blocks away. Having paced myself throughout the day and constantly snacking to absorb the alcohol, I was doing rather well. My fiancée and "mom" were just getting started, but soon found their buzz. So, collectively, we decided to change location to another Irish bar just across the street (there are so many of them in the Upper West Side!!!) to catch a last round since the place we were currently in was getting too boisterous. We walked over to reach our new location that was indeed much calmer to ease off the night. A few moments after ordering yet another round of steins filled with stale beer, we suddenly heard a "squee" of recognition from a couple who had just entered the bar and spotted my fiancée along side of her mother. It is quickly revealed to me that these two individuals were high-school sweethearts and quite close to my fiancée in school...back in the day. They were married now, going on several years, and everyone gushed. Then came the unavoidable moment which my hovering presence begged to ask the question: "And who is this?" poised by the husband, aimed at me. Without missing a single beat, my fiancée's mother nonchalantly responded: "Oh, him? This is William...he's [fiancée's name]'s friend." 

The nanosecond that the sound-waves emitted from my supposed future mother-in-law's vocal chords reached past my aural canal and vibrated against my ear-drum, time suddenly stood still. I physically felt my knees start to buckle from underneath me while my heart decided to take a trip southward to use my stomach as a punching-bag. My brain started to whirl so badly that I thought I was going to convulse from the blatant indignity I've just experienced. Then time started to slowly trudge forward again...yet, ever so slowly. My eyes, trying to gain some focus and widened from disbelief, centered on my fiancée's mother, who was proudly grinning at her spiteful introduction. My gaze shifted heavily toward my fiancée, maybe hoping for some defense or a correction -- we have had so much history together by this point. I only found her doing the one thing that was just as hurtful as classifying me as a "friend" after all of these years together...absolutely nothing! No reaction what-so-ever. She simply took a sip of her beer and then offered her mother a slight smirk. Time started to lurch a bit faster. Now I was faced with the the two outstretched shaking-hands to politely meet "the friend." I had no choice but to comply and greet them on a friendly level. By the time the actual momentum of time had resumed its habitual pace in my mind, everything else that happened for the remainder of the night was a pure haze. The one thing I did realize that this incident marked the beginning of the end of my relationship. Several months later, after finishing a rough cut of a documentary I was editing for her father, I packed up my belongings and simply left, severing all ties with that treacherous and heinous family. For the most part I have gotten over this horrible event and have put it far behind me...but suffice it to say, St. Patrick's Day isn't exactly one of my favorite holidays (if you can call it as such) to participate in, year after year!

But, I'm not, no...I've quite honestly put this all behind me, I promise! However, only the lingering sour taste of the word "friend" sticks in my craw to this day. In now my 40th year of existence, as I still seek to find something more than "just friends," this word has come to mean so many adverse things...and to make matters worse, now, among Day-Crawlers, there has evolved a new inane term that completely juxtaposes the "F" word: "The Frenemy." This is a portmanteau where a supposed "friend" more or less acts outwardly like an "enemy." To this notion I have to execute a dramatic eye-roll and follow it by a sighful facepalm. Not another hybrid word to contend with that means absolutely nothing tangible while describing a relationship!

As for the dreaded "friend" word, there are many other synonyms that are far more accurate and comprehensive! Let us take the time to explore some, shall we?
  • amigo
  • acquaintance
  • ally
  • associate
  • bosom buddy
  • buddy
  • chum
  • classmate
  • cohort
  • colleague
  • companion
  • compatriot
  • comrade
  • consort
  • cousin
  • crony
  • familiar
  • intimate
  • mate
  • matey
  • pal
  • partner
  • playmate
  • roommate
  • schoolmate
  • sidekick
  • soul mate
  • spare
  • well-wisher

So, you see? There are quite a few options out there to choice from and properly classify those you know, nice and neatly! And in doing so, maybe...just maybe, the actual word "friend" will start to mean something substantial again! As for me, in the meantime, I guess the word "friend" has, in some respect, continues to be my frenemy!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Short Story: First Sing The Birds

by Sir William Welles

 After much contemplation, I find myself sitting here, on the rooftop of some random building in New York City. I don’t exactly remember how I arrived here…but I do know why. I am in a most unnaturally tranquil state of mind. I am facing east. I am waiting.

 The soothing night air is familiar to me as it slowly races in and out of my nostrils where I can smell sweetness wafting up from the street below. There is a slight, yet distinctive metallic odor that I always smell at night. Some say it’s the ozone in the air, others say that it’s just my imagination. In either case, this fragrance has always made me thirsty and sad at the same time.

 As I waited for the inevitable sunrise, I find myself even more determined to change my existence. I want to put an end to my addiction, once and for all. With the new day only moments away, I will make a most important sacrifice to quench this thirst that haunts me every night. I simply cannot go on drinking the way I do…I have to stop myself…now!

 At this time, just before the dawn, there is always this one bird that awakens earlier than all of the others. It is this tiny, yet loud bird’s duty to alarmingly wake up all of its fellow birds within the area. This is the first piercing sound of a new day that is all too soon to arrive. As each of the other birds slip out of their slumber they join into the avian choir of chirps and shrieks until a blanket of high-pitched vibrations seethes throughout the city like a siren warning of an aerial attack’s impending arrival. My mind aches for me to simply go home and go to bed…but I must resist. I brave past the birds and continue to wait. (Midnight Blue)

 Still quite dark out, I can see from my rooftop perch, the early-risers. These people can be arranged neatly into, what I can tell, four distinct categories:

 First are the drones of the day. These are the people that are forced to start working before every other day-dweller. They make life tolerable for the others that are soon to come. Collecting garbage. Sweeping Streets. Opening Stores. Not surprisingly, they never seem happy while completing their endless chores. Only fake smiles are cracked as a routined familiar face saunters by and acknowledges them and their tasks. Early to rise, early to bed. Miserable existence. (Indigo)

 Next there are the dog-walkers. These are people who have been trained by their canine masters to accompany them on a much-needed promenade throughout the neighborhood before daybreak as to be the first to mark their territorial rights. These canines have their slaves so well trained; the so-called “walkers” will even clean up the feces left by their masters! This is truly a sight to behold! (Denim)

 After them are the runners. These people are most strange indeed. Scores of individuals, male and female, flee their dwellings and run off into a predetermined distance. The queer thing is that they are neither running after, nor running from anything. Why? Are they simply mad? (Navy Blue)

 Lastly come those who make it a mission to seek two most important ingredients to their forthcoming day: daily knowledge and liquid awakening. These are the people I can understand the most as I curiously watch their routine from above. They make their way to the nearest open store to conduct a trade with one of the drones I mentioned earlier. They fetch a copy of the local newspaper to catch a voyeuristic glimpse into the troubled and painful worlds of others, only to provide an opinionated judgment upon everything they’ve just read. And to help them with this task, they drink coffee. I have never enjoyed coffee, however, I understand the deep desire of a mind altering liquid rushing past the throat and into the stomach, only to digestively make its way to the brain to fulfill a basic, selfish need. I understand…but now I am thirsty from this thought. (Cerulean)

 Now that the sky has become significantly brighter, I can feel the growing heat that the new day brings as it creeps westward at about 1000 miles per hour toward me. I still sit facing east. Determined. My new day has not arrived until I get to finally see the Sun penetrate the virginal horizon displayed before me. I am waiting…ever so patiently…as life continues to bloom below me. Pathetic and beautiful all at once. For as long as I can remember I’ve spent every waking moment I had drinking at night. It’s the only thing I know how to do well. Those who know me best would even jokingly say that I was nocturnal. I wonder if someone would ever find me pathetic and beautiful all at once? Maybe only lecherous. Others like myself are not valued as part of society in this city. We are cast off due to our drinking problem. (Pacific Blue)

 Suddenly, the song of the birds is drowned by the mechanized low-pitched hum of cars, trucks, and buses that populate the streets like red blood cells making there way through the clogged arteries and veins of this city to provide the nutritional element of its workforce…thus keeping it alive. I scan the horizon and notice no sign of the Sun yet. Was it toying with me? A sort of cosmic attempt at suspense, I suppose. The heat of the air surrounding me makes it very uncomfortable to sit still. It has been such a long time since I’ve witness a sunrise, and my body isn’t quite sure how to handle this peculiar event. My stomach tightens and an unfamiliar sense of nausea is making its presence felt. My eyes strain at the stinging brightness of the azure that washes all about me. My skin feels suddenly very arid…like what I would imagine a desert would feel like. The toxins within my body are bubbling toward the surface. It must vacate. I must be cleansed of this disease! (Sky Blue)

 Then, as if the entire Universe stopped revolving on my behalf, I saw it! The Sun! (Burnt Orange)

 This was it! This was the moment! The ending of a new beginning…the beginning of an old ending! Whatever it was…it was…simply…beautiful. I’ve heard stories about the sunrise and how it gives struggling souls new hope. I was going to test out this theory. If there were ever a struggling soul, it would be me. The tip of the solar orb rises ever so majestically over the tainted skyline off in the eastern distance. It is so painfully bright, but I cannot help but stare directly into it. I feel the rush of heat and radiation that it feeds this Earth upon my delicate skin. How I wish I could have a drink right now to celebrate this mystical moment! But no…I must sit and watch further…just a bit more…then I will be free and heading toward my chosen fate. (Laser Lemon)

 The first thing I notice is that I feel an intense burning sensation in my eyes. My eyeballs are literally boiling from within. Instinctively, I hold up my hands up before me to block the Sun’s attack. I seek protection, however, this is of my choosing. My hand’s become the Sun’s first victims, as they are closest to it. Slowly, and meticulously, my skin starts to burn without the presence of a flame. The white-hot heat from the nuclear bulb before me simply rids my fingers and hands of any moisture they possess and quickly make ash of my flesh, like paper smoldering away. The pain is like nothing any mortal or immortal has ever felt. It’s a doomed sensation of burning, cutting, exploding, piercing, and heartbreak all at a sudden rush. Scores of my victims have had it easy compared to the torment I was undertaking at this instant. I can almost feel every one of their death throes all at once. A proper revenge. I do not blame them. (Shadow)

 By now my arms are useless defenses as they are simply no longer a part of my body. The Sun’s rays make their next assault on my torso, legs, and head. I can’t help but howl from the agonizing inner burning that quickly singes every putrid fiber of my being. The stench of my own charring flesh boldly fills my nose and gaped mouth. If I had any stomach left, I probably would be vomiting like the mortals so easily do at moments of distress. (Manatee)

 A slight morning breeze starts to delicately wisp away the ashes that were once the essence of my body. At this point the final pain was poignantly localized at my heart…the most resistant and resilient part of me. My face has dryly melted away and the last thing I hear is the chirping of that first awakened bird. That is my last recollection before I drift violently into my nothingness…nothingness I so longed for, so desired, and now have finally found. Peacefully, I no longer suffer my addiction for human blood. I am free… (White)

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Goth Sex...

Wow...really? Um...ok...sure. What they said...

Friday, February 3, 2012

Poem: Love's Secret

Love's Secret

Never seek to tell thy love,
  Love that never told can be;
For the gentle wind doth move
  Silently, invisibly.

I told my love, I told my love,
  I told her all my heart,
Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears.
  Ah! she did depart!

Soon after she was gone from me,
  A traveller came by,
Silently, invisibly:
  He took her with a sigh.

~William Blake

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Tip #60: Mystique

This is a biggie! Maybe not in blog length or word-count, but rather in concept. A lot of all of the other tips to date, and even future ones, come into play in this particular tip.

Mystique...what is it? Well, according to the dictionary, it is plainly put as follows:

Mystique [mi-steek] -- Noun

1. a framework of doctrines, ideas, beliefs, or the like, constructed around a person or object, endowing the person or object with enhanced value or profound meaning: the mystique of Poe.
2. an aura of mystery or mystical power surrounding a particular occupation or pursuit: the mystique of nuclear science.

So, how does this apply to us romantic Goths? Simply put, the art of proper Gothic romance cannot exist or happen without a certain level of mystique! The two really do go hand in hand.

But, Sir William, you are now asking yourself, how do I, a simple and humble Goth individual, create mystique? Well...that is what we are here to discover and explore! First, as Goths we all automatically exude a certain dark air of mystery and intrigue by our manner of dress and demeanor alone...that is our basis for mystique...thus getting us already half way there, and we shall build from that.

The next thing to master is, what we French call, "Le Regard," (you don't pronounce the 'd') or "the gaze." We Goths know, all too well what this is that feline-esque trick we do with our eyes that invokes a touch of evil, intrigue, danger, and sensuality all wrapped up in a single gaze. It is what magicians do to captivate and mesmerize their audiences. Le regard is the first and main ingredient for seduction that is rooted in primal animal instinct -- staring into an other's eyes to try to determine if they are friend or foe. If done without rapidly breaking out in a goofy smile, or slipping into the "crazy eyes" look, you will give off an air of mystery. But, just as important as giving someone le regard, is to also take it away! This confuses the other on a subliminal level, causing further intrigue. Soon after, when le regard is reinstated, it will be twice as potent, triggering a sense of "the hunt." The key thing to remember here is: too little of a gaze and you will seem weak and/or timid; too much and you will look like a serial killer out looking for his or her next slaughter. (I will have a full and in-depth tip about "le regard" at a later date.)

O.k., moving on...the next, and very important ingredient is a little something I can't seem to shut-up about throughout this entire blog: Planned Spontaneity! If you do not know what this is, please read Tip #8 before reading on...and shame on you for not having done so yet!
...go on, I'll wait...

All of you must view Planned Spontaneity as your wonderfully dirty little secret weapon that you rely on at any given moment and/or opportunity. It is a very powerful tool to have, yet you must, at all cost, make it seem completely effortless! In the past I have even applied this tactic so smoothly and quietly for someone that they felt as if all of the stars in the Universe aligned perfectly to make her feel as if the luckiest woman in the world...that everything was somehow going her way. The beauty of this is that I never took any credit for it, and to this day she still will never realize I was in the background pulling certain strings in her favor. Does it sound a bit manipulative? Maybe...but if the outcome is some one's bliss, is that so wrong? 

If you can expertly execute this key ingredient of creating mystique, you will soon find out that it will almost give you a god-like if you are manipulating the elements in favor of your relationship and love interest. Allow me to give you a quick and small example to demonstrate (if you do not live in New York City, as I do, this might be a bit tough to do...but you'll get the idea):

  • Step 1: refer to your Master List (or photographic memory) to determine your lover's favorite color, second to black, of course.
  • Step 2: Find out when those colors will be displayed on the top of the Empire State Building when in honor of a certain event or holiday...impossible, you say? Nay, I reply! This information can be found at the following website:, although it only gives a 2 month notice ahead of time.
  • Step 3: Plan a nighttime event (before midnight) that will give you a good view of the Empire State Building.
  • Step 4: Point out to your lover that you casually rigged the light to her/his favorite color on purpose just before meeting them. Accent it with a bouquet of the same colored flowers or trinket gift!  
Now, of course, your companion won't believe you at all and just chalk it up to pure coincidence, however, after some time, when all of these small, medium, and large planned coincidences pile up, the wonderful sense of mystique will begin to grow and maintain itself as long as you keep up with it.

Lastly, the last part to creating mystique is to reverse Planned Spontaneity and turn actual coincidences into those that seem to have supernaturally happened in order to symbolize the state of your romantic love life, or to help it forward. This concept is a little hard to grasp at first, but if you just train yourself to be alert enough to pick up on subtle cues and incidences that happen in everyday life and somehow create a connection to your love life, you will soon master this skill. Some examples: If you recently had a minor argument and you discover that a photograph of the both of you has become suddenly askew on the wall; a favorite band just happens to be playing a concert on their birthday or your anniversary; a passage or entire paragraph in the book you are currently reading perfectly describes your relationship or your characters; a bat flies into the house; etc. Omens, much like explained in the book, The Alchemist, can come to mean just about anything to the beholder. Make them work for you by pointing them out to your lover and have them realize the connection too! 

The true art here is to make all of these ingredients fit into your circumstance, and thus completely creating the mystique that the entire laws of the Universe somehow cosmically revolves around your union. So...let's recap: Goth look and demeanor...check! Le regard...check! Planned Spontaneity...check! Coincidences, incidents, and omens...check! Those items are your clay, it is now up to you to mould this clay constantly to create an aura of mysticism that will save your relationship from falling into the inevitable trappings of the mundane, teetering that fine line between reality and's not that is why we are is why we are Goth!

One final Goth thought about mystique...


Hell Hath No Fury...

...Like a clever woman scorn!!!

photo by: Lauren Magliocca

Monday, January 30, 2012

Darth Vader's "How to be Goth" Lessons...

How to properly make an entrance into a room...

Clever Goth Travel Tips...

LOL! We Goths are soooooo smart!!!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Little Girl Who Was Forgotten...

So heartbreaking...

Poem: Drifting

So wonderful and creative!!! Here is the text:


My soul, splintered and sorry,
Is aimless: too numb to feel.
The heart, cradled for long
In a gentle palm
Has now withdrawn into the corner,
Beating, only because it must.
I know the seasons.
That they are all the same.
That Ill keep my cheeks moist throughout them all,
That the harsh winds and spray of thoughts
Will hit me with the same relentlessness
And that company will be shrouded from me
No matter the intensity of a manipulative sun.
Ill walk on.
You know I will.
Across thorns and rocks and glass,
Never finding the way, the salvation, the second chance.
Ill stay alone defaced by sorrow,
My rage doused and quietened
Not by choice.
Vice impales my soles, the lies, the hurt, the hate,
And I can do nothing but walk.
Wander through your forgotten memories,
Like walking through the rain.
Numb, my love elapsed.
Aimless, my destination gone.
Alone, winding the mazes by myself.
Seeing nothing but dead ends and traps.

You have left me drifting like a widowed swan,
What is the force that keeps me wading on?

by Elena

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

A Head-to-Toe Goth Make-up Tutorial

This is SOOOOOO Cute!

However...WOW! There's a lot involved. Let's watch...

Monday, January 23, 2012

Day-Crawlers in the Mist -- Part XIV.2

Welcome back my fellow adventurers! When we last left off in part one, I recanted two stories concerning our subject, the cunning Seth. Follow me as I continue with two more quick and dark tales that will surely send shivers down your spine, I promise...


During  the "Seth" years, this particular watering-hole was a regular pit-stop for a number of Gators...but not your exclusive New York City hotel roaming Gator, no,no,no...more like your common street walking skank hanging outside of strip-clubs caliber of Gator; or as I like to call them: Crocs!

On this night in question, the watering-hole was predominantly (what the locals called) a "Saw-sij Fak-tuhree," meaning that the space resembled a Gay men's bar since no women were present. Seth was there, though, and he was seething from anxiety about this current state of lack of females. I watched as he brooded at the opposite corner of the bar from me while I pretended to pay attention, along with my friends, to the movie Scarface displayed on the flat screened television sets hung above. Seth was rather twitchy and was rapidly becoming boisterous. The lack of females severely put him at the edge of frenzy!

All of the sudden, the front door, directly behind my perch, opened to reveal a prime croc specimen sauntering into a den of potential wolves to try to turn them into possible "puppified" clients. Most, if not all, of the watering-hole populace took immediate notice of her, and just as quickly sized her up for exactly what she was, before returning their gaze to their beverages, pool game, or Tony Montana on screen, bringing on the pain "Wif hees 'lil frien!!!"

This Croc, we'll call her: Miss Lontyme (Ha! Second movie reference!!!), enters the watering-hole much the opposite way a proper Gator does. Instead of scouring the horizon for potential clients first before finding a spot at the bar, the Croc will make a grand entrance and immediately finds her slot at the bar first, thus making potential clients come to her! A very distinctive difference between the two. Miss Lontyme hastily finds a choice central position at the bar and is immediately greeted by the tender of the bar. She places her drink order (which she will hardly sip as to not become too inebriated) and promptly fiddles with her cell phone as to appear nonchalant and casually busy, awaiting an approach. Miss Lontyme is relatively young, Caucasian, seemingly attractive, thin, with long blond hair, and clad in very tight, yet garish, attire. The scent she wore quickly overpowered the space to reaffirm that yes, indeed, there was a female present. Her manners and way of speech were oddly out of sync with her outward was as though she wanted to present herself as a stylish and classy female, but once she spoke into her phone it was all: "Yo! Wassup? Where you at??? I jus' got here and I sippin' on some shit this fool jus' poured me!" It was all very confusing!

From the corner of my eye, as I observed Miss Lontyme's behavior, my peripheral vision picked up on Seth's silhouette in the distance shoot up like a meerkat standing at full attention the nan-second he spots the Croc a few yards away! This should get interesting, I thought to myself as I watched Seth's eyes drink in every last detail of the only female before him. He had no choice. She paid him no mind as she casually flirted with the bartender as to maintain her likability at the watering-hole. Seth has obviously figured out this Croc for what she was and calculated on how to change his habitual game-plan to "Score" with this one...for free! this point of the night, the staff started turning off some of the beer sign neon lights to save on electricity and my vision became considerably lessened; I also I did not have my handy night vision goggles at the time. I strained to follow the ensuring events, but this is what I deduced...

Seth decidedly walked over to Miss Lontyme. They engage in the same run-of-the-mill banter...each thinking that they are going to gain something beneficial from the other. He offers to buy her a drink. She accepts. They are both trying to out-charm the other. Seth starts to get to the physical contact point. Miss Lontyme becomes somewhat reluctant and slips into "transaction" mode with him. Within the next few seconds, I struggle to spy showing her something below, slightly out of my line of sight, just under the counter's edge. Immediately, Miss Lontyme's complexion goes from confused to perplexed, to pissed off to compliant, all in the space of 10 to 15 seconds. I was dumbfounded! What did Seth show her to make her react in such a manner? In a next sudden swift move, both Seth and Miss Lontyme went off to the women's room (the one with a lock) to consummate some sort of illicit sex act for the next 10 or so minutes before the bartender had to bang on the door to tell them to stop and get out (in his defence, he was trying hard to keep it a clean watering-hole...which it is today!). As both emerged from their impromptu sex dungeon, Seth resumed his spot at the bar while the Croc, known to this day as Miss Lontyme, slithered out of the back door in a very big hurry, never to come back ever again! Seth's reaction was a wide grin as he stated the fact that he never pays for some tail...


The last time I ever saw Seth was on a particularly slow night, much like in the last example. It was indeed again a Saw-sij Fak-tuhree, and Seth found himself (also again) eager to hunt down some female prey! This frustration easily led him to drink his Irish Champagne at twice the pace and his heightened drunken energy was palpable throughout the confines of the watering-hole.

Soon enough, different Day-Crawlers ebbed and flowed throughout the space, thus forcing Seth's attention to remain alert and vigil...and then "SHE" walked in! It is not as if she was anything incredibly exceptional or even a supermodel...I just like putting pronouns into all caps and surrounding them in quotation marks. Anyhow, this Day-Crawler female wasn't your ordinary Gazelle that maybe got separated from her herd,,no...there was something definetly more to her. Although she was considered rather attractive by any Day-Crawler male, she radiated a certain self-confidence and brassiness...something not all together common in these parts! A possible affront to Seth's bravado? This, also, was going to get extremely interesting!!! CRIKEY!!!
She made her way through the plethora of males, that made no effort to hide the fact that they were undressing she's clothing with their eyes, and found a comfortable spot at the opposite end of the bar from my habitual position...hence no lip reading capabilities. Of course, it took no time at all for Seth to begin hovering over her, trying to initiate first contact.

Within the next few minutes, the conversation was inevitably struck up. She and Seth were undergoing the customary and pleasant back-and-forth banter that Day-Crawlers do when gently trying to get to know each other. During the next half of an hour to forty-five minutes, however, it was very apparent that Seth was not making the headway on this potential conquest as he had intended. She saw through his "game" and was able to rebuff his every advance, move, and/or tactic. Seth's frustration was visibly increased ten-fold, while his drunken drive was increased two-fold...not a good equation at this stage of the night.

At my perch, at the other end of the bar, a few friends of mine had joined me as we all sat staring in Seth's direction, jokingly placing bets with each other on Seth's outcome...score or no score. It was innocently all too comical at the time. Abruptly, we witnessed Seth stumbling toward us only to come voice his frustrations with "the boys." As we were trying to stifle our giggles, he reached our end of the watering-hole and these are the words (verbatim) that fell out of his mouth and into our incredulous ears (Warning: very explicit language to follow):

"You see that bitch down there? She's being a total cunt! Fuckin' bitch...I can kill her and chop her up into a thousand fuckin' little pieces...and easily get away with it! Fuckin'-A I can! Stupid fuckin' WHORE!!!"
My two friends' and my eyes grew the size of dinner plates! This was pure scary psycho-babble, alcohol fueled or not! We were speechless! Seth then simply sauntered off to the restroom to angrily relieve himself. We quickly summoned over our friend, the bartender, and advised him to "suggest" to Seth, after he gets out of the loo, that he had had enough to drink and should simply go home as we explained the scenario. Meanwhile, she, herself, went into the ladies' room. Seth exited a few seconds later, missing each other. The bartender decidedly tells him to "pack it up." Seth complies, settles his tab, and leaves the watering-hole quietly via the back door. A bit later, she comes out the the restroom and also pays for her beverages while paying no mind about Seth's absence, gathers her belongings, and exited through the front door.

The absolute last time any of us saw Seth ever again was just after she left the watering-hole as we witnessed Seth trotting in pursuit in her direction she was walkin home in. My two friends and I, after seeing this, bolted outside to make sure she was safely away from Seth, but saw no one on the urban horizon...neither one of them was to be seen...ever again...


From that moment forward, I realized that Day-Crawlers were indeed a different romantic species than myself and my Gothically inclined peers. I found myself fascinated and developed a certain passion to learn more about their strange and very foreign ways! Goths, it seems, are all to generally quick to be labeled as evil or sinister, complete with a cold and uncaring black heart, but true depravity and maliciousness exists only behind a "normal" looking persona. The rituals behind Day-Crawler mating is centered, it seems to me now, not in romance, but rather in making an impeccable and forceful first impression, followed up with deceit to feed an ulterior motive. The romantic advances and gestures typically come later as to keep the relationship moving forward into more serious territory...much can say the same of the very colorful and vibrant Peacock!

OH!!! I almost forgot!!! The one thing that makes Seth's story all the much more scarier and poignant lies with one very important factoid that I purposefully left out of this entire tale until now: Seth's profession...

Seth was (and maybe still is) a law enforcement officer!!!

Sleep well tonight my dear Gothlings...