Thursday, June 30, 2011

Rebecca & Mauricio's Wedding day photos

The photos have finally arrived!!!

If you've read my article: What a Wonderful Day for a Wedding! Then you know that in May I was priviledged to officiate the wedding of friends Rebecca & Mauricio (they're such a gloomy cute cople). And to prove all of this went down here are the photos! (notice how I'm channeling the wierd looking priest from Beetlejuice. LOL!) Hope you enjoy!!!

Wow...I am a weird looking freak!


All photos were shot and wonderfully antiqued by the talented Carlos Ramos.

Recommendation: Treble Clef Flatware

O.k., I'll be honest...there really isn't anything, off-hand, quite romantic about forks, knives, and spoons. But I really want to share this product with all of's too perfect of a Goth present (notice I wrote "present" because it's an item of practicality) to pass over.

Allow me to introduce you to the flatware set that I, myself, actually have in my apartment and use: The Treble Clef flatware set...

Notice the black, Tim Burton-esque, handles that spiral at the's almost TOO Goth!!! I can almost hear you all crying out: "I WANT 'EM! I WANT 'EM! I WANT 'EM! I WANT 'EM! I WANT 'EM! I WANT 'EM!" while bouncing up and down in your chairs.

Surprisingly enough, I simply found these at Bed, Bath, & Beyond! Who knew?!? To check the actual item page, click here. Also there are some more choices via, click here to see that.

So there you have it...just thought I'd share this little home décor recommendation.

Bon Apétit!!!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Poem: When I have Fears that I may Cease to Be

When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,
Before high piled books, in charact'ry,
Hold like rich garners the full-ripen'd grain;
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love!—then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink.

~ John Keats, 1818

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Tip #35: Anniversary Gifts

There is a list in mainstream culture that dictates what type of gifts should be given for specific anniversary (married or in a committed relationship) years. No one really knows who wrote this list, but my research indicates that the origins come from medieval Germany and then was solidified in Victorian England. There is, however, also a "modern" list that has been also proposed within the last few decades (Notice the certain questionable items in the traditional & modern list like Desk Sets, Furs, and Ivory). Of course, the list does vary somewhat from different countries and cultures...this got me to thinking, why doesn't the Goth culture have it's own list? So, I made one...

Below is an image file of the Traditional, Modern, and Goth anniversary list. Feel free to right-click and save the image, cut-&-paste it, or even print it out...hopefully you will to use it at least once a year!

Bonus Tip:
Be sure not to fall in the trap, like some Day-Crawlers do, and turn anniversary gift giving into a competition or a test of love. To avoid this simply settle on a gift budget price and try to keep it within plus (+) or minus (-) fifty dollars ($50us). That way you won't turn your anniversary into a war zone!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Greetings Globe!

After reviewing my blog stats, I realize that this blog is not only viewed here in the United States, but on a global scale (just as the Goth culture is and always should be) and I wanted to take this opportunity to say hello!

So to all the viewers reading this in Germany, United Kingdom, Canada, Hungary, Denmark, Russia, Australia, Norway, Singapore, France, South Africa, Iran (!!!), India, and Italy..."Hallo!", "Ello-Ello!" , "Hello, aye!" , "Helló!" , "Hej!" , "привет!" , "Ello, mate!" , "Hallo!" , "您好!" , "Bonjour!" , "Hello!" , "Salam!" , "नमस्ते!" , and "Ciao!"

*Whew!* Thanks for following my Romancing the Goth .blog and help spread the word to your friends...GLOBAL DOMINATION SHALL BE MINE!!!! MWUAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...*cough*cough*...sorry about carried away there for a second...

Stay Dark, my friends!!!

Sir William Welles


I am proud to say that as of this very moment the Romancing the Goth .blog has an official Facebook companion page in which followers of the blog can easily share and ideas, tips, questions and further discussion in regards to topics! To view the page simply click here! I hope you all join in by "Liking" the page!

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles

Friday, June 24, 2011

Tip #34: Talk to the Dead's not really what it seems. This tip is something I came up with when advising my dear friend about approaching a certain fellow she's been pining over, who is also undergoing treatment for cancer -- she wants to ask him out on a dinner date but can't seem to muster up the courage to do so, she's simply too smitten...which is odd to me simply because she is one of the most courageous and outgoing persons I have ever known! Anyhow, as we were talking she told me that she hasn't run into her love-interest in quite some time (they usually bump into each other at a coffee place in her neighborhood) and that he was probably going through a treatment session, which strips him of energy and the ability to be social (sad since he is only 30 years old-ish) Suddenly, my Gothic (and pessimist) brain blurted out: "What if he's dead, and you don't know it yet?" Kinda harsh, I know...I even surprised myself! In an instant a wave of sadness washed over her face as she considered the possibility.

I let her contemplate the notion for a moment and then stated: "But if you had just one last chance to tell him something before you never see him again...just one chance...what would you tell him?" Her answer is more or less immaterial here, but the important part is that he is not dead at this very moment and the chance is why not use it???

The basic philosophy behind being Goth is that (amongst other factors, of course) we realize that death happens everyday and is all around us...we embrace it, and in turn we embrace the life we have and the lives of those around us of whom one day we may mourn. People in the mainstream culture tend to be in denial when it comes to death or how quickly it can's something that only happens on the news or in movies for them.

So, the tip here is thus, if you have something that needs to be said to a loved one and/or someone you are longing for, take the time and truly imagine that they have died (even if you have to spend time apart or incommunicado) or in the process of dying (technically, we all are in the process of dying) and then seize the chance that you have to get off your chest what you've been yearning to might be the last chance you ever have! (I think with this tip, I have to start following my own advice...)

Tip #33: A Little Note

Write a simple and sentimental sentence on a small piece of paper that states anything from: "I love you" to "Hey! I would love to see buzzards pluck out your eyeballs under the hot desert sun!" Then take that piece of paper, fold it, and slip it into his or her pocket for them to discover later on. It's a small, simple, and sweet gesture that will go a long way if repeated on a somewhat irregular basis.

Caution: Do not be alarmed if you don't get immediate acknowledgement from their part...the small note can easily be lost or discarded without the realization of its intended purpose. The true acknowledgement to this romantic gesture is when you discover a little note in your just have to wait for it.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Tip #32: Meal Swap

This is a fun thing to do for couples who have been together for a while and have extremely good rapport. This is, however, an exercise and/or test of how well you really know each've been warned!

The next time you both find yourselves at a restaurant for a dinner date you are going to chose each other's meals...meaning that your lover will pick what you will eat, and you get to pick for them. To make it easier, predetermine what type of 'protein' they are in the mood for: Meat, fowl, or seafood...or a vegetarian meal. Then make your selections from there. The the both of you will enjoy (or despise) the meal your lover has selected for you!

What is the reason behind this? Well, several things...First, there is a trust factor that comes into play here in which you allow your lover to (mutually) take control of what you are about to intake. Secondly, to demonstrate just how much you know his or her tastes (better do your research and consult your Master List!) and can apply it in a real world setting. Thirdly, you might have a culinary experience that you may never otherwise would of had since you might not have dared to float outside of your comfort zone (my family's  restaurant serves calf's brains for example).

One word of caution: please be extra sure of any allergies, sensitivities, or dietary needs that can be a problem down the line. My best friend, for example, can not have any gluten, dairy, or you can imagine jut how much fun it is going to a restaurant with her can be! Thank darkness she's not a vegetarian on top of that! Actually, I's is always a lovely time when we go out to just makes it a bit of a challenge, but we always find the fun in it! And this is important...You don't want to end the night in the emergency room or listening them puke in the bathroom, praying to the porcelain gods, the entire night and the following day.

If you really want to test this tip out at a great (shameless plug) restaurant that serves classic French comfort food cuisine, be sure to come to my family's restaurant: Chez Napoleon! I really could use the refreshing company when I work there...there are only so many cranky elderly people I can stand to see on any given night.

BONUS TIP: A very thoughtful thing to do when making a reservation at a restaurant, don't use your name, but rather put it under your lover/date's name. When the both of you show up for the reservation and the hostess asks for the name it is under, proudly state his or her name. Trust me, this will get you brownie-points!!!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Tip #31: Smiling

Now, while it is true that we Goths aren't particularly known for being all smiley-smiley all the time, typically we allow ourselves to smile when we are amongst like-minded friends and individuals...other than that we like to be all doom and gloom (except for maybe lolita or lolipops Goths...go figure). Anyhow, this tip isn't so much to tell you to smile more or less, but rather explain the dynamics and the science behind a smile. And you single people out there, pay close attention...this is something to keep in mind when you are out trolling about looking for new people to meet!

Ever wonder why most of the animal kingdom, especially most mammals, including canines, felines, and primates, bare their teeth to show aggression and dominance within a conflicted situation, while we humans show our teeth for the exact opposite reaction? Here's why:

Evolution. Back in the prehistoric ages when early man was basically a smarter primate than the rest, showing one's teeth more than likely was portrayed the same aggressive attributes as other animals. But then something happened throughout the many years of evolution and humans then possessed two very important factors: spoken language and agriculture. This brought humankind from being hunter/gatherers to an actual society. It was at this time when alliances and barter systems needed to be established...interestingly enough it was at this same time that the "smile" became to represent friendliness, courtesy, respect and love...and you'll never guess why!

Two interlocked reasons: When a human animal flexes his or her muscles located at the sides of the mouth, the cheeks raise and forces the eyes to squint slightly and our evolved brain interprets this as contentment, as opposed to someone glaring with their eyes. For example, do you know why the Joker seems so maniacal? It's because he is smiling with his mouth while glaring with his eyes! Secondly, when you add speech to a smile a very interesting thing happens: the person's voice becomes slightly higher in tone and that also is interpreted by the brain to be of a friendly and happy nature, as opposed to a low and commanding tone. The simple smile is so hard-wired into our basic instincts that, outside maybe the handshake, is the one global form of communication that is understood by every single human being regardless of race, country, culture, or sex. It's that powerful...

So again, this isn't really a very romantic tip, but it is something to keep in the back of your mind the next time you interact with someone you've just met...if anything, it makes for a fine bit of conversation fodder or trivia! =)

One last note though: For us Goths, while we relish being all sorrowful and frowny, it is important to reserve smiles for the true occasions where they are called for, unlike those perky people who constantly wear a fake smile at every moment of the day (I'm looking at you T.G.I.F. & Olive Garden waitstaff!). A smile from a Goth should be a rare, beautiful, and fleeting thing only allowed to be enjoyed by very special catching a glimpse of a shooting-star on your death bed! (I had to bring the mood back down, you understand) Make them count!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Tip #30: Portraits

Sure, anyone can take a photo with a digital camera or a cell phone of your loved or the both of you to treasure a specific moment in when you were waiting for a bloodbath drink at the Goth nightclub last Saturday...but that's, mundane! And in this dark little scene we don't do mundane. We must and shall do things to the beat of a different bat wing! And having a portrait commissioned by an artist of your loved on or of the both of you (note: giving your lover a portrait of just yourself might be acceptable, but it smells too much of narcissism to me) and present it as a gift to him or her. Now, while large commissioned oil painting portraits, like in ye olde days, will run into the tens of thousands of dollars, may I propose a more economical, yet artistically stunning solution...

This is the talented work of Goth artist Sherrie Spencer and her company Avalon Enterprises. If you send her several photographs of the person(s) you wish to have painted she will created a stunning piece of art that will last you forever. Her rates are very reasonable, around $200 dollars for a watercolor painting, maybe a tad more depending on the level of detail you would like included. Check out here website for more information, examples, and email address.

This type of gift not only speaks volumes, it bellows to the moon! Moreover, it will appreciate in value over time!!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Day-Crawlers in the Mist -- Part VIII

After spending so many months immersed in Gator country I was quite relieved to re-enter the more subdued Day-Crawlers mating field research...but much to my horror I noticed something quite disturbing, Day-Crawler females are employing Gator tactics on males at the water-hole! *GASP!* Let me explain...

I enter a typical trendy Day-Crawler watering-hole (again, in a hotel) on what should be a very slow Monday night. After I claim my habitual perch at the deep corner, I suddenly take notice that that this particular watering-hole is abundantly filled with much so that over half of them sit quietly to themselves, being as still as they could be as not not to be seen by any scarce prey to patiently await an ambush attack...and the male Day-Crawler prey is indeed quite scarce this night...a food shortage, if you will.

As I stand in my corner, avoiding the hungry eyes of the Gators that would usually ignore me for easier and wounded prey, a certain realization grazes over my naïve mind: Most of these females are not Gators, but ordinary Day-Crawlers implementing Gator-like tactics in order to seduce a male! SHOCKING!!!

But what is it all for? Clearly not monetary compensation! Maybe for free thirst quenchers? Ego inflation? A tasty of naughty adventure? Or the pursuit of feeling wanted and desired? In any case, the tactics are the same! Clothing and physical details to accentuate the false hyper-feminine allure; the over-friendliness and unabashed flirtatious nature; and the calculating hidden agenda that resides just under the fist layer of their eyes as they chance to gaze at other males strewn about the watering-hole...including myself!

One such of these "Gator-ettes" is a Cougar who has migrated all the way from Hungary and who is, interestingly enough, paired with an African-American Cougar. Both are provocatively dressed and they are really "working" the room, thus at first glance, giving off the impression that they are indeed a highly skilled pair of Gators. 

After observing them for over the better part of an hour, I soon find them to not actually be Gators at all...but impostor Gators! How did I figure this out? Well...let me tell you: First, both women sauntered into the watering-hole both dressed in plain black cocktail dresses (at least it was black), clutching M.A.C makeup bags and seemingly have spent several hours being made-up and pampered by an expert team of beauticians at a M.A.C store (I'm not talking about computers here, just so you know). These two cougars (and fake Gators) are feeling what is called "fierce" about themselves and want to test their sexual prowess on unsuspecting males (especially on the younger bucks) within this particular watering-hole. Next, these two are over-indulgent. They drink too much, they laugh too loudly, and flip their hair in a seductive manner a bit too energetically.

[By this time, most of the true Gators have moved off from this watering-hole in search of greener pastures or deeper waters due to the intensified competition.]

Thirdly, the two Cougar specimens I am observing seem to have........wait...this is not good. Suddenly they've abandoned their young male playthings and......//../...|''|...\\...suddenly are now focusing../|...their gaze on ME!!!..........H*lp....../'/*...Help me...||....they are approaching.../*'/.......................................................................

Error: Transmission was lost at precisely 1:36:27am EST on 6.13.11.
Sir William Welles' whereabouts are considered UNKNOWN.
A rescue and recovery crew has been deployed.

Tip #29: Share Personal Items

The really wonderful part about being Goth is the androgyny and slight gender crossover that exists between its male and female denizens. With that said, the tip here is to share certain items with your loved one that most Day-Crawlers would find to feminine for a man to use, or too masculine for a woman to use...and no, I not talking about swapping dirty minded little imp!...although...if that's your kinky, who am I to judge!

Let me give you a list of examples:
  • Black Nail Polish
  • Earrings
  • Rings
  • Other various jewelry
  • Make-up
  • Spiked anything
  • Fingerless gloves
  • Tee-Shirts
  • Belts
  • Accessories
  • Cybergoth goggles
  • Lapel Pins
  • Chains
  • Etc....
You get the idea...The end result of this is to try to bring the both of you a bit closer together by co-mingling your unique styles (the Day-Crawler version of this is sharing ChapStick); and having little trinkets shared between the both of you will also make you feel that you have a little bit of them with you at all times when you are apart. The subliminal trick here is to somehow keep your lover in your mind, and this tip greatly generates this.

So, start swapping stuff!!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Recommendation: Suffragette Street Jewelry

If you are in the market for some truly unique and wonderful Gothic jewelry to give to your loved one for any occasion, may I suggest jewelry designer Daniel Royale's Suffragette Street line of crystal and stone necklaces, braclets, and earrings. Her jewelry store can be found by clicking here. Go check it out...she really has some beautiful and wonderfully dark items there!



Tip #28: The Bedside Sex Kit

CAUTION: The following post contains some rather explicit material of a sexual've been warned!!!

O.k., this once is a bit more racy and saucy compared to the other tips, granted...but hey, it's just been that sort of week! The Bedside Sex Kit is a list of considerate items to have ready and at arm's length situated at your side of the bed to alleviate any awkward moments and pauses that might spoil the mood during lovemaking. This tip is more or less geared for those who aren't living together, or for those impromptu one-night stands!

If you have a bedside table with a drawer, clear said drawer and stock it with the following items to be ready at all times. If you don't have a bedside table with an available drawer, get yourself a small box...even a shoe box will do, and again, stock it with the following items and keep it under your bed.

The items you will need are as follows:
  • Two (2) small towels or hand towels...preferably white, so as to see them easily in the dark, and used to wipe up any random fluids that have been tossed about. One for each of you.
  • A package of (several) condoms, within the expiration date limit.
  • Two (2) medium or large sized bottles of WILL need it for hydration. One for each of you.
  • A tube of water based lubricant (if in case you didn't know, petroleum based lubricant will deteriorate latex condoms, so that's a no-no).
  • A packet of Listerine breath strips or Altoids...this serves as a dual purpose: 1) fights off morning breath and 2) serves as a quirky stimulant during oral sex (caution: this might have some adverse effects if someone is overly sensitive to any of the ingredients of the breath mints on their sexual organ...use with extreme caution!!!) Read this article to find out more about this!
  • Any (*ahem*) sexual toys you may both enjoy.
  • A butane lighter to light any and all candles (Tip #3) and/or for that post-coital cigarette if you are smokers.
  • Handcuffs (with spare keys)...Hey! You never know...
  • Chloroform (JUST KIDDING!!! I wanted to see if you were still paying attention).
  • A small and discrete plastic or paper bag to dispose of any used items.
  • And any other kinky little things you perverted individuals might need.

Outside of the ingredients found in the drawer/box, you shall also provide a clean black tee-shirt in his/her approximate size, a new/disposable (read: cheap) toothbrush, as well as a fresh bath towel, all waiting for him/her in your bathroom. 

The end result here is (like the boy-scouts) to be prepared and to provide comfort and hospitality to your frequent or occasional sexual conquest(s) (that last part was not like in the boy scouts!), in that you are not taken away from your amorous adventure to suddenly focus on technicalities and/or practicalities.  

I'm sure I'm forgetting or omitting something(s). If you have any suggestions or items you deem necessary in the Bedside Sex Kit, please feel free to post it in a comment below!

Happy shagging!!!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Day-Crawlers in the Mist -- Part VII

Tonight I explore the dangerous and often disturbing world of “The Gator!” (cue dramatic music) As I reported in an earlier installment of "Day-Crawlers in the Mist," the Gator is a quite fascinating Day-Crawling female specimen who will grant sudden and non-committal sexual gratification in return for a predetermined monetary compensation! Extraordinary!!!

The skilled Gator can be either blatant or elusive in their manner, but always hyper-sexualized in their form and appearance. This is to insure that will ensnare the attention of the scores of Day-Crawler males peppered throughout any given watering-hole. The act of being able to spot a Gator is almost a delicate art form on its own accord…however, not impossible. The general breakdown of the typical Gator is as follows:
  • A very quiet and reserved demeanor upon entering a watering-hole (she doesn't want to attract too much attention to herself at first…especially from the watering-hole staff that hold the power to shoo her away).
  • Provocative and revealing clothing to properly show off their…
  • Accentuated female bits and pieces. Namely the buttocks and mammary glands.
  • Other smaller details are also highlighted and kept to a status of perfection in accordance to what the Day-Crawler male finds alluring. This includes hair, nails, make-up, posture, scent, etc.
  • Upon entering a watering-hole, a true Gator will always prop herself up on her exaggerated high-heeled shoes to survey the lay of the land and target any potential prey. This is done stealthily and effectively, but not unlike a meerkat scanning the horizons for any predators.
After many months of immersing myself within the Gator’s territory, I have notice a strange phenomenon when it came to me and my presence there! Upon noticing me on repeated occasions, tracking their movements, I've noticed that the Gators would fall into two distinct categories of behavior:
1) Either they are very wary of me and stay far away because, due to my outlandish style I suppose, think that I will turn into some sort of sexual fiend that will leave them bloody and begging for their lives while I repeatedly scar their backside with a riding crop (only half true), or 2) they become very friendly and unthreatened by my presence because I have no interest in their “services” whilst being quite different in style and manner from the 99.9% of the other males they interact with; moreover, I wouldn't be surprised if some of them thought I was gay…in other words, I’m safe. It is with the latter half that my research proved most beneficial…for the sake of Day-Crawler biological behavioral science!!!

Let us get to the field research, shall we?

Specimen #001: “Sugar”
Thin, average height, African-American, early to mid twenties, dressed in a form-fitting electric blue miniskirt ensemble with a low neck line, spiked black stiletto heels, and clutching a small black purse and cell phone.

Tag #: 29874893.

Sugar is young and on the prowl. At the watering-hole where I typically see her she usually arrives earlier than I do and sits at my habitual spot…at the deep end corner of the bar. As soon as she sees me, she humbly and respectfully offers me her spot, against my protest, stating that she was keeping my place safe for me. I ritualistically take my position at the end of the bar, and Sugar is all too willing to flit about the watering-hole to show off her huntress skills for me.

On one particular night she managed to wedge herself in between a pack of five males each vying to be the Alpha–male of their group. Her sudden flirtatious presence let forth a flash flood of testosterone in what seemed to be in a half of an instant! Each male, with their chest puffed out, was trying to impress Sugar with witty banter and sexual inuendo laced remarks, while she simply smiled and giggled like a giddy little schoolgirl. All the while, Sugar wasn’t trying to figure out who was the manliest, who had the bigger sexual organ, or who had the most stamina. No, instead, Sugar was calculating who amongst the males had the fatter wallet! Suddenly, one of the pack males, in an effort to show everyone up, offered to pay for the entire party’s rounds of thirst quenchers. At that very moment I took notice of Sugar’s eyes widen and then intensely focus…she had found her prey. Within the next few minutes she managed to zero-in her flirtatious attacks on her intended target while simultaneously phasing out the advances of the other males in the pack.

Within the next 15 minutes, she expertly weaned her prey away from his pack (whom, were also scooped up by some other Gators) and had him all to herself. This is when the Gator goes for the kill. Sugar makes her intentions very clear in whereas she makes it fully understandable that she wants to have a sexual interaction (or a "date" as it is known around the watering-hole) with the male, and with some subtle negotiation about the monetary compensation, an agreement is achieved. Sugar suddenly saunters off with her hapless prey in tow like a lamb to the slaughter. So sad...but such is the circle of life at the watering-hole...

Specimen #002: “Peaches”
Amazonian, towering height of 6 foot / 3 inches, Caucasian, red hair, mid twenties, dressed in a flowery and flowing dress that accentuates her ample breast size, high heel shoes and carrying a medium sized purse.

Tag #: 756712329.

Peaches is quite a special specimen in which she is particularly cunning and professional about her Gator methods. For starters, she always likes to join me at the end of the bar and engage in a conversation with me, not because I am such a great conversationalist, but rather because I look really different and having her talk to me will attract the gaze of all the males at the watering-hole towards us. Ultimately, this Gator's game is to make the males think that they are prying her away from me, creating a false sense of competition. As for myself, I'm not offended nor flattered by this...I just find the psychological tactic fascinating, and sometimes will even help Peaches pick out a specific piece of prey...vicariously joining in on the hunt, if you will.

Another attribute that Peaches has is that her prey of choice are males that age above 50 years. Her reasoning behind this is that the more elder men at a watering-hole can no longer compete with the younger alpha-males prancing about in their full glory, scooping up all of the younger Day-Crawler females without any effort. This leaves the elder males feeling lonesome, and defeated, while still maintaining a sense of male pride and virility! This is what Peaches sniffs about the watering-hole for. Soon enough she finds her prey and quietly leaves my side to sit beside him. I try not to make any eye contact as to not scare off her target...he might think that we are actually together. I must play it off as though I have no interest in Peaches...not really a big stretch for me because, in actuality, I am not interested in her...aside from gathering data for my field research, that is.

Soon enough, Peaches, like Sugar, walks off to her prey's room where they will discuss and negotiate the transaction and proceed to execute the agreement. An interesting bit of information Peaches provided me on one occasion was that 4 times out of 10 these men over 50 years in age want to do nothing more than to talk. No hanky-panky. No sex. Just talk. She explains that a lot of these men are divorced, widowed, or just plain lonely, and will gladly pay for the time to talk to a beautiful girl who shows the faintest interest in them in return. These are Peaches favorite sort of prey...

Specimen #003: “Foxxxy”
Petite, 5 foot / 3 inches, Latino, late forties to mid fifties, strong accent, wearing an ordinary blouse and dress, average high heeled shoes, heavy make-up, abundant jewelry, small purse, excessive perfume.

Tag #: 578633290.

Foxxxy, despite her age and rather ordinary outward appearance is rather crafty in regards to a few attributes. First, her watering-hole of choice are very upscale and stuffy ones, usually frequented by older businessmen and brash younger professional males. Next, she tends to target prey at least ten to fifteen years younger than her by masquerading as a saucy Latino Cougar and playing up to that fantasy. Lastly, she is all business!

On one particular night, while she was waiting for a higher caliber of prey to enter the exclusive watering-hole, we were discussing the business dynamics of being a Gator. She admitted to me that she is raising a teenage boy and that the "lifestyle" she is accustomed to requires that she make no less than $3000 per week. She also stated that to commute into the city from Long Island and counting meals and other such expenses amounted between $90 to $140 per day. So with all of that in consideration she calculated that she needed at least 7.4 clients a week...she even told me she's got all of this on an excel sheet and was thinking of generating more income via a live webcam feed of her!

Suddenly two yuppie type, mid thirties, somewhat tipsy males saunter into the watering-hole. Foxxxy notices them right away and very quickly pits herself between the two. She is not after quality, like Sugar or Peaches were, but rather quantity! Two, for the price of...two!!! Her tactic was to play the hot, yet lost tourist who is in town and looking for a good time with a couple of young strapping men. This Gator baits her prey further by implying that she is rather dim-witted and even naive, but open to anything these males have in mind. Expertly, she made these two victims believe that they were the predators and was in full control of the sexual situation they were about to undertake...but quite the opposite was true! Soon enough, the two males (high-fiving each other) left the watering-hole following Foxxxy. Little did they know that they were soon going to be swallowed hole! (pun intended)

Some people have asked me whether or not I believe that the "business" and "services" Gators conduct should be legalized or not. On the one hand, I am proud to state that I have never, nor will I ever reduce myself to paying good money for something I should be receiving and giving for free (freebies are another story...just kidding!), plus this profession is VERY dangerous and scary, riddled with abuse, drug addiction, diseases, etc....but on the other hand, I do understand that there are a lot of lonely people out there (men and women, alike) who, for no matter what reason need and crave a physical and sexual touch from another human being without commitment or great effort and time. In my many months observing the Gators as they slink about their routines and entrapments, I have noticed that sometimes the males they prey upon are individuals who, in popular society, would never have a chance at love or a relationship...maybe because of their appearances...maybe because they are socially awkward and shy...maybe because they live in their mother's basement at the age of 45. Whatever the reason, why should these individuals be denied the simplest pleasure of human touch and sexuality? 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Tip #27: The Litmus Test

This tip is geared more to those who are dating and getting to know each other. When out on a date, especially dining out at a restaurant, pay close attention at how your date treats the wait staff and/or servers. This serves as the perfect "litmus test" as to what to expect later down the road in the relationship.

Being raised in a French restaurateur family I have had the chance to observe all sorts of people...and over the years I have noticed that most people tend to fall into two main categories: those who treat servers with a friendly and kind attitude, and those who treat them with disrespect, disdain, and plain nastiness! The latter half are the ones that should automatically raise a red flag in your matter if it's a man or a woman!

If someone is overtly rude and capricious with a person they hardly do you you think they will behave with someone that is familiar to them and hold no inhibitions toward several months or years down the line?

Bottom line: If you see any potential boy/girlfriend behaving like an asshole/bitch to anyone in the service industry, it usually means that in a relationship they will be looking for a slave (not the S&M kind) take heed and...GET THE FUCK AWAY WHILE THE GETTING'S GOOD!!!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Tip #26: Acknowledgement

(In response to a reader's question in regards to Gothic Pining and unrequited romantic gestures)

When it comes to relationships and romance it is not a 50%/50% sort of partnership, but rather (ideally) a 100%/100% sort of situation. However, on some or most occasions things aren't so perfect and the same emotions and feelings of Love that can set your heart aflutter with joy can also be the same that can cause devastating heartache.

Sometimes, in a relationship (whether a blossoming one, or a sustained one) you may find that one person is more outwardly romantic toward the other, while the other is a bit more lackadaisical about it. Any excuse will pop up: too busy, too sick, too tired, too poor, too preoccupied, etc. If this situation is left unchecked and unresolved, resentment will undoubtedly wedge itself between the couple. This becomes an even greater problem when any and maybe all romantic gestures are not (at the very least) acknowledged by the other. 

Allow me to tell you a bit about my past. I was once involved in a very long-term relationship with a woman (actually, I’m creating a disservice to every woman out there by describing her as such) who was maybe the coldest thing this side of Antarctica! I did everything in my power for this woman…if she needed something, I got it for her…if she needed something done, I did it for her…if she wanted to go somewhere, I went with her. This lasted a better part of seven years. Was I a sucker? Yes…but more importantly, I was blinded by love. For me, she was my top priority, nothing else mattered. For her, I was maybe third or fourth down her list of priorities after immediate family, business, and smoking cigarettes. Soon enough I wised up and stormed out of that situation like a bat out of hell (and heavily in debt). But with all that done and mostly forgotten, what really stuck in my craw to this day is the abhorrent lack of acknowledgement I was treated to whenever I made a romantic gesture in hopes of bringing ourselves closer. Even if she said to me, “William…this is all very nice of you, but you’re a fucking stupid piece of shit fool if you think this is going to impress me” would have been more acceptable than the non acknowledgement I had to endure.

The lesson here is this: If you are in any type of relationship (even in a friendship you are trying to get to the next level) and you’re doing most of the romantic advances without getting any palpable acknowledgement (even through Gothic Pining), do yourself a big favor and evaluate the situation from time to time to be sure that it is well worth it…even if you have to mentally create a Pro & Con list to weigh the options.

On the flip side: If you are the lesser romantic one in the relationship, and gestures such as those listed in this blog aren't your “thing” because of whatever excuse you have ready at the tip of your tongue, that’s fine…just (please) offer some acknowledgement in a form of a thank you, some kind and lovely words, a kiss, a romp between the sheets, ANYTHING!!!…or at the very least say to them, “this is all very nice of you, but you’re a fucking stupid piece of shit fool if you think this is going to impress me!”…that way you won’t be wasting anymore of each other’s time, energy and effort in search of a happy relationship.


Greetings my dear Gothlings!

Just a quick note to let you all know that for the "Romancing the Goth" blog I was inspired by Rebecca and Mauricio's alternative wedding and I would like to showcase more wedding photos from others who have had a Goth or non-traditional wedding. If you have such a photo and would like to share with us your special day, simply email it to and include your names, the date of your wedding, and a quick note stating that you give your permission to post the photo on this blog.

I hope to see your great photos very soon!

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles

Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows


Monday, June 6, 2011

Tip #25: Horror Movie Night

This is a Gothy take on the very mundane "movie night at home with a bag of microwavable pop-corn" idea. We Goths take pride in creating atmosphere and having a flare for the dramatic, and the Horror Movie Night tip is the perfect occasion to exercise that pride! Here's what you are going to do:

First, of course, you will have to schedule in the perfect night to have your Horror Movie Night together. Then, you are going to rent out two -- that's right, I said two -- horror movies. The first one you playing at your "Double Feature" should be light, fun, and very campy; while the second title should be more intense and scary rather than funny or goofy...kind of challenging since we Goths tend to see almost all horror films as comedies. You must also try to find two horror movies that neither of you have seen before...or at least have the first, lighter title be a classic one that both of you haven't seen in a long time (something from the 1980's is preferable).

Next, you are going to "cozify" (new word!) your viewing area! This means that you are going to scoot your couch or love-seat closer to the television set while allowing room for a unobtrusive coffee table between the television and yourselves...and allow a wee bit of legroom. Turn off all of thee lights and set some candles aflame that will be peppered about the room (remember Tip #3?) to create a romantic, yet spooky, ambiance. Turn off/unplug all phones and other electronic devices that beep, click, ring, whirl, and otherwise may interrupt your viewing experience. If you have a fog machine (every self-respecting Goth should have a fog machine. They are relatively inexpensive and are so much fun!!! Check out the prices and selection at, give a few squirts of fog juice every so often to add to the mood, but without turning your living room into Londontown pea soup!!!

Next detail: Food & Drink! Sure you can do the traditional popcorn/pizza/chips and beer/soda thing...but where is the fun in that? No, for this special night you are going to do something unique as to show that you are willing to go that extra mile when it comes to thoughtfulness. For beverages, you are going to do something a bit more classy. Depending on you and your lover's tastes, venture into wines (red/white/rosé)...but whatever you do, NEVER buy Yellow Tail brand Australian wine!!! That stuff will rot you out from the insides and make your brain feel ten times heavier...take it from a professional. Mixed drinks are good too. One idea is to make a pitcher full of Blood do know what Blood Baths are, riiiiiiiiiight??? It's the official Goth and Vampire cocktail of choice! For those who are unfamiliar with the drink or the exact recipe, it's as follows: take 2/3 run-of-the-mill red wine (nothing too fancy), 1/3 Chambord Liqueur (raspberry liqueur), and a generous splash of cranberry juice. Mix well and chill. If you both are really into beer, try to find something a bit more exotic and unfamiliar, rather than the Pabst Blue Ribbon you are used to guzzling down at the Goth clubs on the cheap! Go for something daring!!! If you are under're on your own on this one...I guess it's soda for you! As for snackers, this is where you will really need to be creative. Primarily, take into account any and all dietary needs/preferences/issues/dislikes that need to be considered...then go all out! Be sure to have a wide and assorted selection of food items that range from salty snacks to sweet delicacies. The tasting menu will need to be diverse and spread out enough to cover your 3 to 4 hour double feature bill. Again, try to stay away from the mundane selections that most people gravitate toward, like popcorn, cheese puffs, nachos, potato chips, etc.. Instead, think outside of the coffin! Here are some suggestions:

  • a small cheese plate with four assorted cheese types (not including American cheese or a can of Cheese Whiz) and place on one or two large lettuce leaves, accompanied by a knife and some bread and/or fancy crackers.
  • Candies in a box -- like they have in concession stands at the movie theater. Think Goobers, Juju beads, raisinettes, twizzlers, gummy bears, etc.
  • Arteries 'n Cheese -- basically macaroni and cheese with different sized pasta that resemble arteries and veins mixed with enough red food coloring to make it actually look like the real thing, all gooey and gross! (see the photo below for my version of this that I made at my last Zombie Luau!) 
  • Miniature pastry assortment -- find a real pastry shop or bakery and ask for them.
  • Plate o' Flesh -- if you and your lover aren't vegetarians, go out and buy a selection of cold cut deli meats (bloody roast beef is a must!) and arrange them on a platter. Serve with an assortment of artisanal mustard & condiments.
  • Frozen hors d'œuvres and dim sum -- check your supermarket's frozen food sections for the snack freezer. Look past the "pigs-in-a-blanket" and you should be able to find something unique and easy enough to heat up in 15 to 25 minutes in your oven.
  • Wasabi peas
  • cookies...fancy cookies.
You're starting to get the picture, right? Just come up with something that is out of the ordinary, delicious, takes minimal effort, and enjoyed by the both of you!

The one final detail I have to offer about Horror Movie night is this: No matter if you are a guy or a girl, at one point during the second, scarier movie, you will feign being frightened and will literally clutch onto your partner for comfort (I can already hear the guys groaning at this notion!). This can be done comically or sincerely, but the moment needs to feel right to execute such a move. Hopefully this will bring you closer together and then...well, who the hell cares how the movie ends! ;)

Tip #24: Always Look Your Best

No matter how long you've been together, or how many times you've seen each other at your absolute worse (or even nekkid)...The is NO EXCUSE to going around in public looking like a schlub or some weathered old bat! You are a Goth, are you not?

Take pride (firstly) in yourself and for the one you love (you are, after all, a representation of them and their tastes) to take the time and make the effort to ALWAYS look your finest!

This includes clothing, make-up, grooming, hygiene, well styled hair, and a proper demeanor. I can't tell you how many times I've seen some Day-Crawler girl look like she spent hours getting herself together to go on a dinner date at my family's restaurant only to show up with some "dude" who looked like he just stepped off a beach on his laundry day! Some days I really wish I could literally slap some fashion sense into this people! Don't be like them...

Remember: "It's better to look good, than to feel good!" 

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Tip #23: Rings of the Gods

This isn't so much of a tip as much as it is a really cool anecdote that you can use in any type of can even be used as a conversation starter when meeting someone new that you've spotted from across the cemetery! Try to memorize the fundamentals and wait for the perfect occasion to use it. goes...

In ancient Greek culture, it was widely believed that each fleshy mound at the top of one's palm represented a different god, and wearing a ring on a particular finger would honor the associated god.

The thumb represents Poseidon, the god of the sea. He was very independent and was the only god that didn't live on Mount Olympus...much like the thumb stands apart from the four other fingers. So, people who wear a thumb ring tend to be independent free-thinkers that generally don't follow the mainstream trends.

The index (pointy-point-point) finger is represented by Zeus, the king of the gods, which signifies power and dominance. Notice how a parent scolds their child, or when singling someone out, they wave or point with their index finger. So people with a ring on their index finger generally like to take charge.

The middle finger (known in New York City as: Da Boid) is represented by Dionysus, the god of wine and partying (TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!). Wearing a ring on that finger signifies that the wearer is free from inhibitions, often without caring what others think, while sometimes being a sort of an instigator.

The ring finger (also see "Vena Amoris" in my What a Wonderful Day for a Wedding article) is appropriately represented by Aphrodite, the goddess of Love (*Le Sigh*). And since it is the only finger believed to have a bloodline directly to the heart without branching off, placing a ring on that finger signifies a direct connection to that someone's heart.

The pinky finger is represented by Ares, the god of war, and it signifies conflict...ever wonder why mobsters are often depicted as wearing pinky rings? Back in ancient Greek times, when one would place a ring an his or her finger, it meant that they had some sort of inner turmoil; however, if a pinky ring was given as a gift, it meant that there was an element of conflict or competition with the giver of said ring.

And there you have it!

"But wait, Sir Welles," you are now thinking to yourself, "what if someone wears no rings at all on his or her fingers???" Good point...and there is an answer to that:

People who wear no rings are aligned to Hermes, who was the messenger of the gods, and represented the finer things of life including wealth and travel...yet, he wasn't greedy. Hermes was known for being very helpful and of a giving nature, while being most adventurous. So people who wear no rings are said to enjoy travel, being open-minded, and like being around others.

Pretty interesting stuff, no? Now go forth and use this knowledge wisely...or I shall be forced to release the Kraken!!! (I always wanted to say that.)

Friday, June 3, 2011

Tip #22: Tourist Day

Plan to spend a whole afternoon together and explore the sights your city has to offer like one of those annoying out-of-towners!!! Check out a museum, visit a park, take a tour, go to the top of the tallest building for a view, see a sight! It's all too often that we are so wrapped up in or day-to-day lives that we forget that there are many things to see and do in our very own backyards (that we pay taxes to maintain, mind you) and only tourists are the ones who generally enjoy them and don't take them for granted.

Again, to make the best out of "Tourist Day" be sure to have the Planned Spontaneity rule on your side. Do some research and find several things to see/do and the transportation choices between each (on foot, car, bus, train, flying dragon, etc.). Then, once you've got your choices down, ask your mate/date what he/she is in the mood for, and adjust your plan accordingly. Maybe she doesn't want to be outside on a hot day = inside activity. Maybe he wants to do something somewhat active = walk through park. Just let the clues and circumstances be your guide.

Tip Bonus: If and when you do something touristy, ham it up by buying a small, cheesy, yet meaningful, souvenir to commemorate the event. This is best achieved if purchased without the recipient's knowledge...whether beforehand, or if you excuse yourself to go to the restroom or get the idea! A little something for the shrine maybe? Hmmm...

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Tip # 21: Make it Look Effortless

A very important key component in the "Art of Romance" is to make it look all too easy...while, in reality, you give yourself a moderate to high level of difficulty in doing so. Actually, this tip coincides with Tip # 8 (Planned Spontaneity) and is governed by Tip # 20 (The Master List).

The secret to making every and any romantic gesture seem effortless and spontaneous is careful planning, research, and timing while never divulging the time, energy, and/or money it took to execute said gesture.

Sure, everyone naturally seeks instant gratitude and acknowledgement for the extent to which one will go to please their loved's all too tempting to say: "Whew! You have no idea what I went through to find/get you these/those______________!!!" for a positive response in return. But, a true romantic, like a skilled magician or illusionist, will never reveal his or her secrets or techniques, thus leaving the recipient in absolute awe, no matter how simple or elaborate the romantic endeavor may be!

The idea behind this is to create an air of mysticism and fantasy about yourself and your relationship, thus making yourself more fascinating and alluring toward your object of desire. ABBACADABRA!!! *poof*

Wedding Pictures - Part I

The reception room

Chachkies on the tables

More chachkies on the tables

The simple, yet elegant wedding cake

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Tip # 20: The Master List

Whether you log it in a Word.doc on your computer or scribble it on a used bar napkin, you must keep a list of your paramour's vital stats and info! Acquiring and and all information to be categorized is no easy task...sometimes it will be public and offered knowledge, and sometimes you will need to interrogate certain friends and family members to gain the intell you are seeking. The trick here is to make it look effortless. This is not impossible, mind you, and the Master List should always be growing, changing, and evolving!

The preliminary information you should be taking note of and will need to be databased is as follows:

  • Date of Birth
  • Place of Birth
  • Size of Family (alive/away/dead)
  • Names of Immediate Family Members
  • Level of Education
  • Schools Attended (high school/college)
  • Any Significant Dates
  • Allergies
  • Dietary Needs
  • Medical Issues/History
  • Favorite Color
  • Favorite Metal (gold, silver, or other)
  • Favorite Gem Stone
  • Favorite Movie
  • Favorite Book/Author
  • Favorite Movie/Actor/Actress
  • Favorite Song/Band
  • Favorite Television Show
  • Favorite Season
  • Favorite Animal
  • Favorite Pet (dog/cat/snake/bat/etc.)
  • Favorite Drink
  • Favorite Dish/Cuisine
  • Favorite Anything Else
  • Dress Size
  • Pant Size (waist/length)
  • Shoe Size
  • Shirt size
  • Tee-Shirt Size
  • Ring Size (for when things get serious)
  • Hat Size
  • Intimate Apparel Sizes
  • Any Other Sizes You Need to Know
  • Any Dislikes
  • Etc., Etc., Etc.
...You get the idea! The purpose of this list is: 1) To keep you on the ball when it comes to your mates likes, dislikes, and stats; 2) To make your "custom-made" romantic gestures seem effortless and thoughtful; and 3) If you ever forget any detail, you can easily refer to your handy-dandy Master List without coming across like an inconsiderate fool!

Bonus Tip: If you and your lover should ever break off your relationship, no matter who dumped who, for cathartic reasons you will then take a printed/written and original copy of the Master List...neatly fold it into an envelope...and then set fire to it, thus releasing your bond to that person! Sweet, no?

If anyone has any additional categories to add to the simple Master List above, please feel free to share with the class via a comment!!!