Monday, June 6, 2011

Tip #25: Horror Movie Night

This is a Gothy take on the very mundane "movie night at home with a bag of microwavable pop-corn" idea. We Goths take pride in creating atmosphere and having a flare for the dramatic, and the Horror Movie Night tip is the perfect occasion to exercise that pride! Here's what you are going to do:

First, of course, you will have to schedule in the perfect night to have your Horror Movie Night together. Then, you are going to rent out two -- that's right, I said two -- horror movies. The first one you playing at your "Double Feature" should be light, fun, and very campy; while the second title should be more intense and scary rather than funny or goofy...kind of challenging since we Goths tend to see almost all horror films as comedies. You must also try to find two horror movies that neither of you have seen before...or at least have the first, lighter title be a classic one that both of you haven't seen in a long time (something from the 1980's is preferable).

Next, you are going to "cozify" (new word!) your viewing area! This means that you are going to scoot your couch or love-seat closer to the television set while allowing room for a unobtrusive coffee table between the television and yourselves...and allow a wee bit of legroom. Turn off all of thee lights and set some candles aflame that will be peppered about the room (remember Tip #3?) to create a romantic, yet spooky, ambiance. Turn off/unplug all phones and other electronic devices that beep, click, ring, whirl, and otherwise may interrupt your viewing experience. If you have a fog machine (every self-respecting Goth should have a fog machine. They are relatively inexpensive and are so much fun!!! Check out the prices and selection at, give a few squirts of fog juice every so often to add to the mood, but without turning your living room into Londontown pea soup!!!

Next detail: Food & Drink! Sure you can do the traditional popcorn/pizza/chips and beer/soda thing...but where is the fun in that? No, for this special night you are going to do something unique as to show that you are willing to go that extra mile when it comes to thoughtfulness. For beverages, you are going to do something a bit more classy. Depending on you and your lover's tastes, venture into wines (red/white/rosé)...but whatever you do, NEVER buy Yellow Tail brand Australian wine!!! That stuff will rot you out from the insides and make your brain feel ten times heavier...take it from a professional. Mixed drinks are good too. One idea is to make a pitcher full of Blood do know what Blood Baths are, riiiiiiiiiight??? It's the official Goth and Vampire cocktail of choice! For those who are unfamiliar with the drink or the exact recipe, it's as follows: take 2/3 run-of-the-mill red wine (nothing too fancy), 1/3 Chambord Liqueur (raspberry liqueur), and a generous splash of cranberry juice. Mix well and chill. If you both are really into beer, try to find something a bit more exotic and unfamiliar, rather than the Pabst Blue Ribbon you are used to guzzling down at the Goth clubs on the cheap! Go for something daring!!! If you are under're on your own on this one...I guess it's soda for you! As for snackers, this is where you will really need to be creative. Primarily, take into account any and all dietary needs/preferences/issues/dislikes that need to be considered...then go all out! Be sure to have a wide and assorted selection of food items that range from salty snacks to sweet delicacies. The tasting menu will need to be diverse and spread out enough to cover your 3 to 4 hour double feature bill. Again, try to stay away from the mundane selections that most people gravitate toward, like popcorn, cheese puffs, nachos, potato chips, etc.. Instead, think outside of the coffin! Here are some suggestions:

  • a small cheese plate with four assorted cheese types (not including American cheese or a can of Cheese Whiz) and place on one or two large lettuce leaves, accompanied by a knife and some bread and/or fancy crackers.
  • Candies in a box -- like they have in concession stands at the movie theater. Think Goobers, Juju beads, raisinettes, twizzlers, gummy bears, etc.
  • Arteries 'n Cheese -- basically macaroni and cheese with different sized pasta that resemble arteries and veins mixed with enough red food coloring to make it actually look like the real thing, all gooey and gross! (see the photo below for my version of this that I made at my last Zombie Luau!) 
  • Miniature pastry assortment -- find a real pastry shop or bakery and ask for them.
  • Plate o' Flesh -- if you and your lover aren't vegetarians, go out and buy a selection of cold cut deli meats (bloody roast beef is a must!) and arrange them on a platter. Serve with an assortment of artisanal mustard & condiments.
  • Frozen hors d'œuvres and dim sum -- check your supermarket's frozen food sections for the snack freezer. Look past the "pigs-in-a-blanket" and you should be able to find something unique and easy enough to heat up in 15 to 25 minutes in your oven.
  • Wasabi peas
  • cookies...fancy cookies.
You're starting to get the picture, right? Just come up with something that is out of the ordinary, delicious, takes minimal effort, and enjoyed by the both of you!

The one final detail I have to offer about Horror Movie night is this: No matter if you are a guy or a girl, at one point during the second, scarier movie, you will feign being frightened and will literally clutch onto your partner for comfort (I can already hear the guys groaning at this notion!). This can be done comically or sincerely, but the moment needs to feel right to execute such a move. Hopefully this will bring you closer together and then...well, who the hell cares how the movie ends! ;)

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