Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Tip #26: Acknowledgement

(In response to a reader's question in regards to Gothic Pining and unrequited romantic gestures)

When it comes to relationships and romance it is not a 50%/50% sort of partnership, but rather (ideally) a 100%/100% sort of situation. However, on some or most occasions things aren't so perfect and the same emotions and feelings of Love that can set your heart aflutter with joy can also be the same that can cause devastating heartache.

Sometimes, in a relationship (whether a blossoming one, or a sustained one) you may find that one person is more outwardly romantic toward the other, while the other is a bit more lackadaisical about it. Any excuse will pop up: too busy, too sick, too tired, too poor, too preoccupied, etc. If this situation is left unchecked and unresolved, resentment will undoubtedly wedge itself between the couple. This becomes an even greater problem when any and maybe all romantic gestures are not (at the very least) acknowledged by the other. 

Allow me to tell you a bit about my past. I was once involved in a very long-term relationship with a woman (actually, I’m creating a disservice to every woman out there by describing her as such) who was maybe the coldest thing this side of Antarctica! I did everything in my power for this woman…if she needed something, I got it for her…if she needed something done, I did it for her…if she wanted to go somewhere, I went with her. This lasted a better part of seven years. Was I a sucker? Yes…but more importantly, I was blinded by love. For me, she was my top priority, nothing else mattered. For her, I was maybe third or fourth down her list of priorities after immediate family, business, and smoking cigarettes. Soon enough I wised up and stormed out of that situation like a bat out of hell (and heavily in debt). But with all that done and mostly forgotten, what really stuck in my craw to this day is the abhorrent lack of acknowledgement I was treated to whenever I made a romantic gesture in hopes of bringing ourselves closer. Even if she said to me, “William…this is all very nice of you, but you’re a fucking stupid piece of shit fool if you think this is going to impress me” would have been more acceptable than the non acknowledgement I had to endure.

The lesson here is this: If you are in any type of relationship (even in a friendship you are trying to get to the next level) and you’re doing most of the romantic advances without getting any palpable acknowledgement (even through Gothic Pining), do yourself a big favor and evaluate the situation from time to time to be sure that it is well worth it…even if you have to mentally create a Pro & Con list to weigh the options.

On the flip side: If you are the lesser romantic one in the relationship, and gestures such as those listed in this blog aren't your “thing” because of whatever excuse you have ready at the tip of your tongue, that’s fine…just (please) offer some acknowledgement in a form of a thank you, some kind and lovely words, a kiss, a romp between the sheets, ANYTHING!!!…or at the very least say to them, “this is all very nice of you, but you’re a fucking stupid piece of shit fool if you think this is going to impress me!”…that way you won’t be wasting anymore of each other’s time, energy and effort in search of a happy relationship.

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