Friday, December 30, 2011

Dracula - L'amour plus fort que la mort

So this is a new musical playing in Paris, France. It's called Dracula - Love stronger than death. Check out the video...let me know what you think!

Thursday, December 29, 2011

'Nuff said...

Article: 40-Million-Year-Old Sex Act Captured in Amber

Remember the premise of Jurassic Park? Well, consider this the pornographic version in which two prehistoric mites were incased in gooey tree sap while mating thus preserving them in amber for all eternity as such.

To which begs the question: Can crabs give themselves crabs?

For the entire article on Discovery News, click here!!!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Tip #57: Thievery

No...I am not telling you to start shoplifting things to help with your romantic endeavors...well...not exactly...but the idea is there, let me explain...

Just under two years ago (romance is a very, very patient practice) while still pining for a certain fantastic girl who lived out-of-state, I was inspired to hatch an all-too-well calculated and amazing plan for her next visit to New York City, where I reside. If executed properly, and followed to the letter, this plan would have not only been a prime example of Planned Spontaneity, but would also result in a delightful afternoon of adventure with a tinge of danger (all very subtle, of course). I will now explain my plan to you as I've laid it out in detail in hopes that you can customize it to your situation(s) and hopefully gain a memorable moment with your lover, partner, date, spouse, etc., from it:

This ruse all started with a casual conversation in which I learned that the one I pined for has an affinity for fossils (whether this is actually true or not, I may never know). This tidbit of information, something worthy of the Master List, got me to thinking -- and this is how the true creative romantic mind works -- Where in this city do you see fossils? First, at the American Museum of Natural History; next, at nursing homes and (or at my family's old people); and lastly, at this incredibly cool store called Evolution, located in Manhattan's SoHo neighborhood (It's basically as if the Museum of Natural History had a really, really, really amazing gift shop!). gears start grinding: The museum is a touristy type of event (see tip #22)...maybe something to do next time she is in town to distract her from her work, only for a bit of downtime, if she has a few hours to spare. The nursing home / my restaurant thought was just a joke in my mind, but it did indeed spark the idea of a mid to late afternoon lunch after the museum visit. Harping back to tip #22's bonus tip at the end (see how all of these RomBlog tips come together?), about small souvenirs, the Evolution store comes to mind in which I can purchase a small fossil to commemorate the outing. So...that's: Museum --> late lunch --> fossil gift. Then I think to myself, that's all very fine and good, but...BLAH! Too mundane! This needs an extra dimension!

Then it hits me! As I play out the scenario over in my head, my creative imagination (I see things play out like films in my mind's eye, complete with editing and camera angles) concocted a devious storyline that should play out as follows:

After she had any business, meetings, networking, etc. to attend to and finalize, we were to meet and I was to bring her, as a surprise (of course) to the the Museum of Natural History, complete with its dynamic display of dinosaur replicas and fossils!

Now, museums, as we all know, can be either fascinating or utterly boring, depending on the exhibits...and there is never a lack of moronic tourists who haven't a faintest clue about proper museum etiquette to annoy you aplenty! Museums are also a rather stiff and stuffy affair, largely in part due to all the priceless and valuable items strewn about, and not to mention the ever-present security staff (thanks to the annoying tourists I mentioned before -- I have actually seen people try to touch precious paintings and sculptures!) constantly eye-ballin' you. Hence, there tends to be a certain air of suppressed mischievousness that lingers throughout the halls. This is what I want to capitalize on!

After strolling through numerous examples of things that perished eons ago, the second part of the plan was to be set in motion as we make our way toward the exit of the fossil exhibit and head to our late luncheon location (Mini tip: It is always best to have a place to eat and/or drink after an outing, like a movie, theater, art gallery, etc., rather than before. That way you have some time to discuss the experience you've just both shared together). But just as we leave the main room, I make as if I forgot something back inside. I tell her to wait for me right here...I'll be right back. I then make a dash back into the fossil room and wait there for about a minute...not too long...not too short...just out of her line of sight. At this time, from my coat/jacket pocket I take out an actual fossil of a fish, that is dated back to over 1.2 million years ago (bought ahead of time at the Evolution store...and not overly expensive, mind you...this isn't about a price tag), and ready it in my hand...concealing it.

Next, at a very hurried pace, I rush back to her and say, "Here! Put this in your purse (or pocket)!" as I stuff the item in question into her purse/bag/pocket/etc., without her seeing what it is. Then I say, "Quick! Let's go! We're going to be late..." and I guide her in a hasty retreat out of the museum to head toward our nearby lunch establishment (the location is also predetermined). She mustn't stop to ask what that was all about or see what I have planted on her, so it is very important to quickly change the subject if it should arise between the museum and the restaurant/lounge/etc., until we are both out of the "getaway" phase and safely in the "hideaway" to survey our plunder!

All very "Bonnie & Clyde," as it were.

Once at the restaurant, I have her "discover" the fossil that I supposedly swiped from the museum for her and say, with a glint in my eye, "For you! Just a tiny souvenir...I doubt they will miss it." Now, the reaction could range from her calling the police on me to tossing into some bushes while exclaiming that she is allergic to fish fossils; however, knowing how she knows me, I can safely guess that she would realize my little ruse and we would both share a good laugh while the fossil of the fish thus turning into a future reminder of our shared experence.

That was the plan. It all worked out so my overactive imagination. But, alas, it never came to fruition. Every time my dear friend came to the City she had less and less time to spare to distract herself from work, commitments, and such...I never did get to pull off my "heist" and that fish fossil still remains with me for two years this Spring to remind me of an adventurous afternoon that could have been. Ainsi soit la vie...

But that doesn't mean you can't take advantage of the main scope, or even some of the details of this idea! Just be sure that it feels right to you first. Do your research...if it's not a fossil, then something else...something mentioned casually a certain amount of time back, almost forgotten. Remember to consult your Master List. Also, bring the receipt of said item with a Goth you might already look suspicious, so if you are acting all extra suspicious at...let's say...Tiffany's trying to pull this off, please remember that eyes (human and electronic) are constantly on it cool. Don't blame me if you get caught. Plus you never really stole anything. That's the whole fun of it!

I wish that the construction of this plan doesn't go in vain, and I hope that you can work it into your romantic lives somehow, and I would love to hear how it turned out if you ever do! And please do have a gloomy new year!!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Tip #56: Look your best

This simple, yet very important tip was inspired from a quote by Coco Chanel (pictured above):

"One should never go out on the street without saying to themselves that they are going to meet the man or woman of their dreams!"

Translation: Always look and be at your'll never know who will meet!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

You've got to see this...How to Be a Romantic Goth

I was strolling around the Internet (I don't surf) and I happened on the following 'How to' website known as WikiHow. In this website I found an interesting step-by-step guide on how to to be a Romantic Goth! You have to check this article out!

Admittedly, the article is rather superficial and can be used as a form of light comedy, but within the subjects there are some good nuggets of information for those who are first exploring the Goth culture. I'm curious to know what you think!

My favorite is step #1 (LOL!)

Read on...How to Be a Romantic Goth

Monday, December 12, 2011

Tip #55: Death Letters

As many of you may or may not know, this last November, the weekend before Thanksgiving, the global Goth community lost an icon to a tragic and senseless car accident that snuffed out her life as easily as one would blow out an innocent candle. Jeniviva Mia was only 37 years old, although she lived the life equivalent of three 90 year olds! She was a founder of the Gothic belly dancing movement, a beautiful soul, and a dear friend of mine, not to mention to hundreds of others.

Indeed, that her life was cut so short deeply affected all those that were close to her, and especially reinforced our sense of Gothic state-of-mind -- that death is swift, lurks around every corner, and does not discriminate, thus we are in constant mourning to appreciate the life we have! Not only did dear Jeniviva's death bring a lot of people together in sorrow (the remote funeral home was overwhelmed by over 500 mourners over a two day period soaked by an appropriately dreary and relentless rainstorm) to pay their last respects to this wonderful siren and shining spirit, but it also inspired and cultivated an idea in my brain that, I believe, as Goths we should incorporate into our lives...or should I say...our deaths.

Allow me a moment to state right here that this tip is not particularly romantic as it is downright Gothic...and maybe to some it might seem extremely morbid. So be it. I find this tip to be at the core of being Goth...

The idea, in principle, is a cross between a Will and a suicide note. It is a Death Letter. Irregardless of any life factors (age, illness, lifestyle, income, etc.) you are to write individual letters (not an email or a tweet -- physical pen on paper) to those who are most important or meaningful in your life -- past and present lovers, family, friends, and maybe even enemies! In these letters, to be read by the intended recipients after the inevitable event of your death, you are free to divulge, detail, and describe your honest feelings and opinions about said person and, more importantly, the relationship between the both of you.

First, immediately, write a list of to whom you would be writing these death letters for. It should pretty much look like a Halloween or Xmas gift shopping list. Then, organize this list by level of importance the person is in your life. Soon after, when your inspiration or allotted time allows, sit down and write out your letters.

Start your letter as thus:
Dear "________________"
If you are reading this it means that I've passed on. The reason of this letter is to share some my final thoughts with you since I am no longer able to do so in person...(and go on with it from there...)

As you write these letters, keep in mind that the reader will see this after you no longer are a memory, and these words are your only last thoughts. Liberate your pent up thoughts and revelations. Be extremely honest! Will you divulge a secret love for a close friend? Will you tell a family member that they suffer from a body odor problem? Will you tell an ex how horribly you were treated by him/her? Will you tell your mother that you did indeed love her although you both fought like cats & dogs for years? Or, will you finally confess to that horrible crime you got away with for so many years? Let the ink from the pen flow! It can be one paragraph, or it can be twenty pages long!

Next, stuff the letters in individual envelopes with simply the recipient's name on it. On your list of names you can add the mailing addresses of the recipients to help the trusted messenger deliver them after your sad departing. Also on your list, note the date when you wrote the letter. It is important here to revisit these letters at least once a year or so since feelings may change over time as you further into life...and it is also quite possible that those on your list arrive at death's door before you do. If so, you can ceremonially burn their letter outdoors (without causing a forest-fire) to release the contents into the Ether.

Now, after these letters are amassed, you should squirrel them away in a box, drawer, safety deposit box, etc., and enter the details to the whereabouts of these letters in your Will or entrust it to the "messenger" mentioned above. In my mind, I picture it quite darkly romantic that these letters should be doled to out the recipients at the author's have them read right then in there...if, you aren't too cruel with your words, that is!

I hope that you adopt this tip into your lives, even as morbid as it might seem. You might just make someone close to you learn something about themselves and in turn can enrich their own lives! I'd say that I would be honored to receive such a letter from anyone of you, but that might not come out right...

Lastly, I want to end this tip with a quote my dearly departed friend Jeniviva wrote on her Facebook wall only about a week before her own passing:
"Cry not for those who died, cry for those left behind."

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Recommendation: "La Seduction"

Currently I am reading a fascinating book entitled "La Seduction" by Paris bureau chief of The New York Times, Elaine Sciolino. In it the author delves into the art of seduction of the French, and especially that of Parisians, and how seduction plays a very important role in their day to day lives. The book is, above all, a captivating social study that has been extremely well can feel that Sciolino's journalistic background is in full momentum here.

Being French myself (but I mainly grew up in NYC), I found this book to extraordinarily reveal a lot about me! I was amazed to find that many of my RomBlog tips are touched upon and further explained in this book. It's like the author was picking my brain when it comes to the proper rituals of romance and seduction!!!

Soon I realized that since Goths enjoy romance as it once was: grand, lavish, and even heart-breaking at times, the French do as well -- as back throughout the ages. The French and Goths do hold this in's an understanding and appreciation of Old World mentality. However, if you decide to read the book, you will find that in today's world even the French are starting to fall to the "instant gratification" and fast-paced mundane society that we are accustomed to here in the States.

I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is serious about true romance and how to incorporate it into your being! I simply cannot put it down! It is as if my entire raison d'etre is detailed throughout these pages. It all makes so much more sense to me now! *in a thick French accent* "Aye am a troo Frenchman, throo and throo! Mais oui!"

If you do read this book, I would love to hear what you think of it or any feedback.

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Poem: The Exit Clause

It is with great regret
that I must inform you,
I quit,
I give up,
I resign,
from the career
of my life.

My desk has been cleaned out,
a wooden box holds my affairs;
trinkets of my history,
to be buried or burned…
whichever is more fitting.
Never to be remembered,
For my poor performance.

My supervisors,
my subordinates,
my peers, all agree,
I can be well replaced,
by the next in line.
One call to Human Resources,
I’m sure will yield plenty!

This corporate ladder
Has no more rungs for me.
Gone are the days
of upward mobility.
All that is left
is a spiraling decline…
my moral bankruptcy.

No need of severance pay…
I’ve no one to support,
I’ve nothing to maintain.
As you very well see,
there is no real reason
for me to hang on,
persist, or remain.

I did not meet my quota;
did not give a stellar presentation;
nor gain any appreciation.
Not a team player.
Not a go-getter.
And certainly not living up to
my full potential.

As I see myself out,
I’ll be sure to turn off the lights,
and to close the door behind me.
But most of all, don’t you worry
about the state of the company…
I am quite confident,
it will strive without me.

~Sir William Welles (12/6/11)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Recommendation: Gift Shrouds!

As you well know, on this blog I prattle on and on about gift giving...but equally as important is the presentation of said gifts! Thanks to a friend via Facebook, I was directed to some very amazing and ultra Goth gift-wrapping papers called Gift Shrouds!

The 10 different designs range from Victorian, to whimsical, to a classic black matte finished paper! But don't take my word for it...go see the website now, and start salivating!!!

(My favorite is the purple paper with the black bats...just sayin')

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Tip #54: The Scent of a Goth

Now, while it is true that dogs and cats have a far superior sense of olfaction over us humans, the sense of smell, when comes to romance and/or sexual attraction, is an important factor and does play a major role...even without anyone realizing it!

First on the plate: pheromones. You've heard of these, right? For those who don't, let me give you a quick biology lesson. Technically, a pheromone (ˈferəˌmōn) is a "secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species" (source: Wikipedia). Pheromones can be used for all sorts of reasons, especially in the insect realm -- for example ants lay a scent trail toward a food source to create a direct path for others to follow. In humans, however, pheromones play an integral part in attracting members of the opposite (or same) sex. This is how it works: When one mammal finds itself attracted to another of the same species, said mammal will automatically secrete a specific chemical that might seem odorless, but is aimed at the recipient's keen sense of smell. These chemicals will trigger nerves in the nose that will then, in turn, fire messages to the brain to solidify, or nullify, attraction beyond visual stimulation. Did I lose you? In essence, when building rapport with someone, you must be pleased (and pleasing) on every sensory level; and, whether you know it or not, your nose is to be pleased thirdly, after your eyes and ears!

But pheromones are not the main topic of this Romancing the Goth tip...smell is...and more importantly, one's scent!

Whereas pheromones are subtle, scent and odor is more striking...and especially since it can be crafted and controlled for maximum effect. I am talking, of course, of fragrances: perfumes, cologne, scented oils, Eau de toilettes, scented candles, and the like.

First and foremost, I'd like to "concentrate" on the different types of scents one can apply to one's body (as opposed to their living space) . Let me breakdown the specific classes of stinky water one may wish to spritz upon one's self. These are determined and based on the amount of oils or "juice" the liquid holds. More oils = more scent.
  • Perfume can hold 15% to 40% perfume concentrates, and is considered the purest form of scented products...hence the expensive price tag. Also, perfumes, compared to the rest of the list to follow, has a tendency to linger in the room well after the wearer has left, thus having what is known to be a lingering effect...
  • Eau de Parfume is about 7% to 15% perfume concentrates and is generally the most popular and common form of perfume for women.
  • Eau de Toilette (yes...toilet water...there, I said it!) registers in at about 1% to 6% perfume concentrates. Also known as Eau de Cologne, this is a light enough scent and doesn't linger in the air, making it preferable for men.
  • Lastly, After Shave contains the least amount of perfume concentration and little to no alcohol to eliminate any burning sensation after a freshly shaved...well...a freshly shaved anything, really!

The last category brings up the notion of alcohol being a main ingredient in body scents. So, why have alcohol? Simply because the alcohol helps the oils evaporate from the body for others to smell. If it weren't for the alcohol, only the wearer would be aware of the scent. Also, interestingly enough, the amount of time a fragrance will hold on a person determines on two factors: Skin type and Ph levels. Dry skin tends to have a harder time holding onto fragrances as opposed to people with oilier skin, since oily skin helps keep the scent moisturized. The Ph level, or acidity of one's skin also plays as a strong factor in the fragrance's chemical reaction according to each individual's Ph level...that is why it is very important to test out fragrances on the inside of a wrist or the back of the hand when at a store like Sephora (they are really good about letting you testing out all of there fragrances). What may smell wonderful on you might smell completely different on someone else!

Any fragrance shouldn't be too overbearing, but at the same time should be memorable...for scents do, in fact, trigger memories! It's true!!! Scents have a very funny way of tapping into our brain's memory cortex, and believe it or not, this is due to our natural survival instinct! You see, odors, scents, fragrances, stenches, or stinks, on the whole, are neither good nor bad. It is our brains, hard-wired with eons of evolutionary progress, that deciphers whether a particular odor will trigger a positive response of pleasantries, or a negative response of disgust.

A foul odor, such as a rotten egg, fecal matter, or even a rotting corpse, naturally smell bad to us humans as a means of protection from danger, infection, illness, and desease. After years of trial and error, we humans have come to realize and identify certain bad odors as a clear sign of danger to our health. In this respect, burying a corpse six feet under ground insured that no one would smell the rotting flesh or suffer from any contaminants; that no one would dare eat a putrid and rotten egg and suffer a horrific infection; that no one would roll around in a pile of their own excrement to risk all sorts of maladies. However, for example, on the flip side, shit (pardon my Russian) smells delicious to the common housefly's's all a matter of perspective!

Now, onto fragrances for your dwellings. These can come in all sorts of varieties: incense, scented candles, oils, essences, sprays, Glade Plug-ins, etc. The choice is really up to is as personal to your living space as body fragrances are to your person. A quick tip if you explore the whole fragrant essences that come in tiny bottles, is that if you are planning a romantic evening with a certain love interest, swab a couple of drops of this on a bare incandescent light bulb (never on a napkin over a bulb, that's an instant fire hazard. And not on one of those energy-saver fluorescent thingies). The point behind this is that the heat from the (ol' fashioned) light bulb will evaporate the essence and dissipate it throughout the room. It is quite effective, and depending on the fragrance type, will really set the mood!

The rule, again, here is to never have a scent that is too over-the-top and distracting. It should be subtle, even hinted at, and most importantly...memorable. In this regard the particular scents that surround your daily life will come to define you in others' minds, and when they run across that particular scent somewhere else, they can't help but think of you...maybe a good thing...maybe a bad thing...that is up to you.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Tip #53: Buy Locally

If you must buy gifts for this Xmas, please do our economy a favor and buy from local "mom-n-pop" shops or local artists. Don't succumb to the lure of massive corporations like Target, Walmart, Best Buy, The Gap, etc. I know that these companies employ thousands of people, but they overwork them and pay them pittance! BUY LOCALLY!!!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Tip #52: Dwellings

This tip is a quick one and directed mainly toward single Gothlings.

Always keep your dwelling, no matter how large or small, tidy and neat as if to expect a visitor, or especially a romantic rendez-vous, at any given time. Every night when you step out that door, you will never know whether or not you may re-enter with someone special. No one wants to see your Hot Topics boxers dangling from a lamp. Make this a habit.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Tip #51: Collections

For some strange reason, we humans, Day-Crawlers and Goths alike, enjoy collecting stuff. Some do it for financial gain -- as with pieces of art or baseball cards -- and some do it for a certain predilection toward something symbolic and/or meaningful to the individual -- such as the love of anything relating to bats, spiders, skulls, or Hello Kitty! Whatever the case may be, collections of objects and trinkets is an extension of one's form of expression. We like to put our collections out on display for our friends and family to discover and admire...or, at the very least, be completely creeped out by the twisted obsession...

This tip is to simply suggest that you and your fortunate loved one start a mutual and personal collection of knick-knacks or doo-dads that mean something significant to the both of you. Find a common symbol, item, or object, and build a collection together! It can be based on anything: First edition Gothic/Horror novels; swords; action figures; post-mortem Victorian photography; clocks & timepieces; taxidermy; skulls & bones; insects; creepy looking porcelain dolls...anything!!! Just make sure that it is something very personable, shared, and special to the both of you.

This brings gift-giving to a whole new level in which when one of you should happen across an item that will be a very welcomed addition to your collection, you can can surprise each other with said procured item and ritualistically induct it into the rest of the brood. How spe-chul!!!

Just do me one favor...
don't turn this this tip into an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive! 

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Poem: The Love of a Mirage

The dream
is always the same.
I wander a smooth,
flat, and unforgiving desert.
The sadistic sun
as my only companion.
White hot sand,
under my feet.
Air, heavy with heat,
pressed hard against my skin.
Desire before me.
Loneliness behind me.

The destination
is always the same.
The love of a mirage.
She is distant,
She is far,
But I see her...
I know that she is there,
somehow out of reach.
She is fragile,
thinner than air.
She floats and flits,
seductive and alluring,
content to allude me.

The chase
is always the same.
I run,
I walk,
I crawl,
Always three hundred and
twenty-three steps behind,
while she cruelly bathes
within my devoted attention.
I should turn back,
maybe turn away...
She will be there too.

The vision
is always the same.
Bright, vivid blue.
Deep, dark black,
all swirl about her
in calculated unison,
like the Universe,
revolving around one
centrifugal point.
Her peculiar beauty,
has words fighting each other,
in ill-fated battles,
trying to describe it...
as I travel, transfixed.

The strife
is always the same.
Some have warned me.
Most call me a fool,
to love this mirage
that is repulsed
by being touched,
by my hands,
by my lips,
by my heart.
My goal: impossible.
However, automated legs
continue their task
toward this certain failure.

The pain
is always the same.
At first, a thick weight
takes residence upon my chest,
like a resisting hand,
pushing hard against my heart.
Dull, throbbing pain
moves downward causing my
coils to tie in knots.
Butterflies in my stomach,
transforming into dragons!
Swollen with tangled emotions,
my brain suffocates itself
against the walls of my skull.
Imprisoned, for it's crimes.

The demise
is always the same.
Secretly, my body abandons
the fruitless pursuit.
I succumb to the merciless sand.
My last steps, futile.
Here is where I am
destined to perish.
Three hundred and
twenty-three steps shy
from that playful mirage.
One last plea
for simple requited love,

The end
is always the same.
A wicked wind swoops in
to steal my final breath.
The sound of distant laughter
from the jubilant mirage,
barely reaches my ears.
Skin, muscle, bone,
all bleached by the sun,
suddenly reduced to sand.
With a whisper,
I am no more.
As I awake,
what I learn is that,
without my gaze,
without my heed,
My beloved mirage
is now lonelier than I.

~Sir William Welles

Friday, November 4, 2011

Tip #50: Quests!

The concept of quests is naturally steeped within Medieval lore whereas chivalrous knights (according to Wikipedia, the etymology of the word chivalry is: In English, the word is first attested in 1292, as a loan from Old French chevalerie "", an abstract noun formed in the 11th century based on chevalier "knight", ultimately from Medieval Latin caballārius "horseman"; cavalry is from the Italian form of the same word, loaned via Middle French into English around 1540.) would embark on often times perilous adventures to prove their love and devotion to a particular damsel -- a sort of grand romantic gesture by acquiring the impossible as a test of love and romance. Although true, especially due to the iconic (yet fictional) quest of Sir Lancelot's epic quest in search of the holy grail in the effort to win Lady Guinevere's heart away from King Arthur, the notion of the quest dates as far back as the prehistoric era of man, and holds strong today among us romantics!

In so-called caveman days, males had to prove their mettle like any other proving that they were worthy of providing and protecting -- two very important evolutionary factors (sounds a bit misogynistic, huh? It is....but that's human biology for you!). However, throughout all of this, women, being the beautiful, clever, and cunning creatures that they are, have learned to use their desirability and the art of seduction to bend masculinity's will to their every whim...hence quests.

A quest can be very large or very can be ordered or can be necessary or can be a task or a favor...but above all, it is a test of wills!!! Now, to some, the constant requests of "Get me this!" and "I deserve that!" might technically fall under the category of quests...they don't. These are petty needs and capricious yearnings for something materialistic. A true quest is not only about obtaining a hard-to-find or ultra expensive gift to appease your lover's hunger for said item, but rather it is a way to better yourself by way of facing a challenge and accomplishing it by being resourceful, tactful, and knowledgeable; but most importantly, it has to come from the heart! In essence, quests aren't truly about what you achieve, but rather how you achieve it, and especially why you've achieved it.

So...what constitutes a quest by today's standard? could pretty much be anything, really. But foremost it may very well be something that puts the male ego out of its comfort zone. Let me give you the most mundane "manly-man"/"eww" factor scenario: "Honey, can you please run to the store and grab me [insert any feminine hygiene product here]?" For the record, I never understood the male mind's aversion to this simple quest! Is the embarrassment factor that is set so high that one would be paranoid enough to believe that the person at the drug store would think that a man use something like a tampon or a special cleanser on himself?!? Quite the contrary! A man should be proud to procure such items (although, ladies, it does break down the feminine illusion a bit...just sayin') if only to prove he has a loving woman to share his life with! But regardless of the banter or issue in this particular case, it is a quest non-the-less. Can you not overcome and rise above your male ego in order to provide for your love's interest and matter how embarrassing???

Next case in point: The Chores...
Chores can be perceived as one of two things: actual laborious tasks, or mini quests!!! Mow the lawn; do the laundry; clean out the garage; blah, blah, blah...yawn!!! Chores suck, granted...and no one wants to turn into a nagging old housefrau! To get beyond this, treat chores as mini-quests! Not really significant, yet necessary for the health of the relationship!

The important note to add here, or on the flip side, is that accomplished quests do need to be rewarded or at least acknowledged (I know I beat this concept to death on this blog...but it is soooooo important!!!). It is an "all too important" factor of the pursuit and accomplishment of the quest...if there were no reward, why embark on the quest? Am I right? Or, if you embark on several quests (let's say about 4 or 5) and receive absolutely no acknowledgement, be skeptical. 

once again, I must stress this point even more often than none...proper romance is, and has to be, a give-and-take/push-and-pull scenario! If it is unrequited on any side, the romance will very quickly fall apart. No matter on which side of the quest (coin) you fall upon (the one challenging the quest, or the one accepting it) be sure to take into consideration any and all reactions, complaints, or indifference...for these will be the testaments of the true levels of romance!!!


Saturday, October 29, 2011


"The problem with being a hyper-romantic is that you are often times dissapointed by unrequited feelings and actions."
~Sir William Welles

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Something cool against rape...

For anyone who has had their drinks spiked at a nightclub or a party, they know the horrible ordeal that can turn into. Luckily, two inventors in Israel are currently working a special drinking straw that can detect the two most common date rape drugs, ketamine and gamma-hydroxybutyric acid (GHB), and will turn a different color if it is dipped into a tainted drink. According to one of the inventors, a chemistry professor at the University of Tel Aviv by the name of Fernando Patolsky, the straw uses a tiny sample of your drink and mixes it with a testing solution, that causes a chemical reaction making the solution cloudy or colored, depending on the drug.

The unfortunate statistic is that one in six females will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. Hopefully this invention will help greatly reduce that number.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Tip #49: Calendar of Love

This tip is for the more creative types of you and works especially well for those involved in a long-distance relationships! Using your computer graphics and photography skills, create and print out a personal full year calendar to send to your loved one. Take 12 photos of yourself in various attire, locations, and poses to feature above the monthly grids. This is something that your lover can keep on their desk or wall and it will serve as a constant reminder of you. Also, be sure to include or mark special dates and events on the specific days...however, don't overdo it, you don't want to come across as being too pushy or clingy, even from afar!

For great and free calendar templates be sure to visit:

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Tip #48: Hidden Agenda

Never have a hidden agenda when it comes to romance! True romance and love should always be altruistic in nature. If you are making romantic gestures in hopes of any sort of gain, whether sexual, emotional, or financial, then you aren't practicing are practicing deception for selfish reasons.

The purpose behind proper romance is to please the recipient of the affection by providing a sense of worth, acknowledgement, and desirability. Romance in any other nature will soon enough be construed as fake and disingenuous by the recipient as soon as the said "giver" of romantic gestures has had his or her goals and expectations met. Case in point, have you ever heard it being said: "As soon as we got married he/she completely changed...almost overnight!" This happens more often than you realize! There are people out there who, when courting or dating, will be the sweetest, most sincere sole; but once things are legally binding, the true side of their persona surfaces...and it is usually very ugly! Be sure to read the tell-tale signs of this (see tip# 27: The Litmus Test) very early on in the relationship!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Day-Crawlers in the Mist --Part XII

Greetings mates! It's good to be back to bring you yet another installment of "Day-Crawlers in the Mist!" Thanks to a recent trip I embarked on in the wilds of our nation's Capital, in this episode we will explore a new breed of Day-Crawler females I have come to identify and name as: "Gazelles." Let us start, shall we?

For the first time in my extended travels, particularly to the District of Columbia, I finally found myself there on a Friday night, on which the entire town was primed to exploit the activities of the weekend. Typically, Monday through Thursday nights turn this seemingly conservative city into a virtual ghost town after dark...especially when "last call" at all of the watering holes is set at 1:30am for a 2am closing! Downright uncivilized, if you ask me! However, on this particular Friday night, as I was driven around on safari through the brush of central D.C., I quickly noticed the high energy and activity of teeming herds of Day-Crawlers all around us! Thank darkness I was safe in the confines of the safari vehicle with a knowledgeable guide! Interestingly enough, and as a side note: It also seemed as though all of these Day-Crawler individuals moved to an almost unheard or invisible rhythmic pulse that guided them through their migratory patterns from watering-hole to watering-hole...I will be sure to study more on this phenomenon at a later date...

Suddenly, I couldn't help but notice a strange pattern among the younger set of Day-Crawler females aged 20 to some strange force they all seemed to look, dress, and act alike! For a brief moment I was convinced that we turned back through the same street twice (navigating in this city is close to impossible without technological assistance, I soon learned) and observed the same group of females once again...but no! The terrain was indeed different and this group was not quite the same as before...but all too similar. CRICKEY! These groups of "Gazelles," as I soon started to call them, were positively everywhere!!! Only comparable to a swarm of locust...simply unavoidable. I took out my trusty night-vision monocular for a closer gander... 

A Gazelle specimen is relatively easy to spot and identify if you know what to look for. First, they usually tend to travel in packs of 3 or more, and sometimes even as much as 15 or 20 if they are undergoing a very bizarre and dangerous ritual known to them as a "BATCH-LORE-ETTE-PAR-TEEH." Any Gazelle can have manes of either yellow, red, or brown hair to claim some relative sort of individuality, but all of them wear their locks down and lengthy with the bare minimum of style in the hopes of making themselves appear more mature. The clothing of any and all typical Gazelles is always standard issue: a very form-fitting top that usually exposes the shoulders and neck (especially in warmer seasons), a skin-tight micro-miniskirt (almost always in black) to show off expertly chiseled and bare legs that are accentuated by very high (and most painful looking) heeled shoes that give them the ability to saunter around in a most giraffic (new word!) way. One last important item of their wardrobe is the accessory of a small purse that contains any items that maybe crucial to the Gazelle's survival. These purses are usually flat and rectangular, not unlike a #10 envelope and open and close as such. Survival items may include, but not limited to: a cellular phone to communicate with other Gazelles at long distance ranges; Identification (real or forged) for entry to watering-holes; currency and/or cards of credit; house/car keys and face-painting instruments, also known as make-up. The make-up a Gazelle applies is the last, and maybe the most important, detail to complete the total outward appearance. This is the area where the Gazelle will focus on to a) attract attention to herself to her male counterparts and b) try to set herself apart from the rest of her pack...somehow though, by some cosmic irony, they tend to all come out looking alike! For a very in-depth and analytical view on this, I turn to the following video tutorial that was featured a long time ago on the "Romancing the Goth" blog which I found very appropriate to showcase here once again:

But the most interesting aspect of the Gazelles, however, is the social interactions that these packs of curious Day-Crawlers share with the males of their kind!

At the last stop of the Safari, as we watched a large herd of Gazelles slowly meander in front of our headlights for an up-close look, I disembarked from the vehicle with my guide (a beautiful, talented, and ultra-charming woman, might I add), and we carefully made our way behind them to a particular watering-hole that was situated directly below from my temporary dwelling I rented for this excursion. The place was, as expected, brimming with with Gazelles and males of their age range. My guide and I quickly found a perch at a table situated within a specific corner of the watering-hole that allowed us a panoramic view of the primal activities before us. We hunkered down to observe.

Packs of Gazelles, held in tight formation, roamed past us and even occupied some tables directly in front of us! For the most part, they seemed completely unfazed and indifferent to our presence (and trust me when I say, we were clearly the most out-of-sorts individuals there due to our highly stylized sense of dress and manner), but they were somewhat curious, none-the-less...just in case, we had to remain very still as to not startle them away. My guide was quick to point out that since the land of Washington D.C. was a very administrative and bureaucratic city, the Gazelle population, which is rather uncreative and possesses a highly mainstream attitude, are able to thrive and prosper here...especially on the weekends.

Directly to my left some activity started to catch my eye! A group of five Gazelles arrived at the watering-hole, all chirping in a high-pitched manner to each other, and strategically placed themselves amid a group of males that clearly have not mastered the skill of tucking in their button-down shirts into their pants, but did appreciate the pack of Gazelle's sudden appearance. Introductions were soon made, libations were exchanged, and some slight coupling started to form. All of the males of the the group (none of them 'Alpha,' by the way) were under the impression that their great fortune will surely lead them to the division and sexual conquering of these young and fresh females...they are sadly mistaken. Remember, Gazelles move in cunning packs and will very rarely leave behind one of their members to fend for her own alone.

Then, quite abruptly, as if they were all connected by the same psychic wavelength, each member of the Gazelle pack sense that things are getting too serious and simultaneously decide to move on...leaving the males behind to scratch their heads in bewilderment as to why they bought drinks for the fleeing females. At first, I thought this was a fluke, a one-time odd occurrence. But wait! My wonderful and observant guide reassures me that this isn't so, and focuses my gaze on yet another similar pack of Gazelles, a bit further out in the distance, surrounded by twice the amount of famished males! And lo and behold, the same scenario played out! FASCINATING!!!

 The only thing I can deduce from this behaviour is that there is some kind of "safety in numbers" type of factor in play here to secure survival. The Gazelles are clearly not out to seek steady mates, but rather the thrilling sensation of being sexually desired by their male counterparts and thus gaining a tremendous boost in their own self-confidence, either as a group or individually, through the same process while remaining safe within the confines of the herd. To pry away one of the Gazelles from their pack takes the skill of a very attractive and well practiced Alpha-male (known here as the "DOOOSH-BAHG") and has been proven to happen from time to time; albeit in the rarest of occasions.

After the bellow of last call is rung across the watering-hole, I am forced to bid a reluctant farewell to my exquisite guide and retire to my hut to work on my notes and data gathered on the field. The next day, I, all-to-quickly, returned back to New York City from my adventures in the District of Colombian jungle a bit more knowledgeable, but far more intrigued! And now, after having discovered this odd and curious breed of Day-Crawlers known as "Gazelles," I've even started to spot them here in increasing numbers! Could it be that these Gazelles have even reached the far plains and all the way to the Southern West coast of California...or maybe...just maybe...that is from where they originated?!?! I shudder to think of the possibility, but one thing is certain...Gazelles are multiplying, and fast!!!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Tip #47: Meet the Pets

It's no surprise that us Gothlings are huge animal lovers...sometimes the company of animals is much, much more pleasant than the company of humans. With that said, it is also no surprise that most Goths have pets and are naturally attached to them as they would to siblings and/or children of their own. So, just like kids and family members sizing up any new potential lovers and/or mates, one must pass the scrutiny test of "the pets!" It is interesting to note here that Goth pets often times possess the same Goth personality, traits, and sensibilities of their forewarned!!!

So, it's only natural that they are very protective of their "owner" or "Alpha person." When a new human is introduced into the fold (whether a new simple friend or a potential lover), the animal in question, especially a cat or dog, will be very quick to judge...and according to the pet's temperament, personality, and protective nature, the perceived intruder can be welcomed with either great affection, indifference, or will try to claw and bite your face off!

To ease this transition of "meeting the pets" is to first assess the situation on the first or second date. Be inquisitive about the animals and take mental notes to later enter the data into your Master List. At this point it is also important to establish and determine any allergy issues before moving forward. The important questions to ask are:
  • Do you have any pets?
  • (If yes) Oh really? What kind?
  • How many?
  • What are their/his/her/its name(s)?
  • Is it a male or female? (This is an important question for a few factors we'll discuss later on)
  • How old is [insert pet name here]?
  • Do you you have any pictures on your phone? (Most people's the equivalent of children's photos in a wallet. Get used to the pet(s)' features for later identification. Anyone will be impressed that you've remembered the pet's name at a later date when meeting the actual animal... "So, this must be...")
  • What is the craziest/cutest thing [insert pet's name here] has ever done? (most pet owners, outside of talking about themselves, simply cannot resist talking about their pets, or children for that matter!)
Then, within the conversation, move onto another topic while retaining all of the intell you have just gathered for later use. when the inevitable night comes where you are invited back to "their place," you will be faced with the unavoidable "Meet the pets" situation...and like it or not, the pet's first impression of you does matter! To be prepared for this, first you will need to consult your Master List to get any and all details you need to make a first good impression...then you should:
  •  Wash, scrub, and lint brush any hairs or scents from your own pet(s), if any, away from your clothes -- keep an entire outfit sequestered away from any animals for such an occasion. Animals have an extremely keen sense of smell, and if you reek of a territory intruder, you will not be the happy recipient of a kind welcome. Also, on the same token, do not wear any overly strong perfume/cologne.
  • As you first walk into the dwelling, be prepared to be inspected and sniffed out by said pet(s) (if they are "sniffers"). Allow this to happen...even if a dog suddenly shoves its nose into your crotch! It's embarrassing, yes...just coolly brush it off, but be prepared for it. Turn it around into something comical. It is important to note her that animals, whether male or female, sometimes have different reactions to either male or female aware of this.
  • In case of emergency (and a sly little trick) and depending if the pet is a cat, dog, bat, ferret, or anaconda, try to have a bit of appropriate snacks on you, which you can offer them as a peace-offering. Animals all respond positively to one thing: food. If they can smell snacks on you, then you can't be all that bad...If you give them said snack, then you must be really nice!
  • DO NOT bring over your own pet for a meet-n-greet at this stage!!!
  • If and when you "connect" with your lover's pets, be sure to treat them with the utmost respect and love...even if you do not completely get along with them...ultimately, you will always come second to the pet(s)...better make "nice-nice!"
  • Finally, if, by chance, your lover's pet is a psychotic demon spawn from hell and hates you beyond the edges of the Earth, just have an honest and calm conversation with your lover about the situation. I've seen plenty of worthwhile relationships break up because of the mis-matching of pets, owners, and lovers. Don't let it happen to you! Try to work something out before any resentments sinks in!
Ultimately, the tip here is to respect and appreciate the animals that your new love-interest possesses...they will be a big factor in your relationship simply because they are such a major part of your love-interest's life and heart. Treat them as if you would a child...and make 'em play fetch!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Tip #46: Touching

Not that type of touching, you dirty bat! The type of touching between couples I am referring to to is known in the seductive arts as "Kinesthetics" (or Kino for short).

In general, mammals like to be touched by others; and females, interestingly enough, derive much more pleasure from a touch sensation than males, and are more likely to offer touch. There are two types of kinesthetics, or touching: "social" and "sexual" kinesthetics -- the social kind is what I will be concentrating on in this tip; however, truth be told, social touching is the pathway toward the sexual kind. If you just went from no social kinesthetics with a partner to full on sexual kinesthetics...then you, my friend, have just picked up a prostitute!

Social touching starts very young in life. Newborns crave the touch of their mothers immediately after birth -- it is the first sense that develops the feeling of security within the cold and harsh world, paired with hearing the familiar rhythm of a heartbeat. Why do you think hospitals ask for volunteers to come and hold premature and drug-addicted babies for hours on end? It is the primary and only source of comfort that they can experience and may can help them struggle past their fragile health issues. Even in the animal kingdom (mainly among mammals), you will notice that the mothers of newborns will immediately lick, groom, and cuddle their infants. Of course, this also provides other benefits: reduction of infection, warmth, and protection from predators. These primal instincts are instilled within all of us, and it plays out all the way through mating/romantic rituals and to parenting anew.

So, what defines "social kinesthetics" and how is it important to romance? Well, have you ever heard a woman complain that the guy she just had a date with was "a complete octopus with his hands all over me?" That's a perfect example of someone employing exaggerated amount of "Kino" to hasten the relationship. You see, when two people are getting to know each other and moving forward past the stages of being strangers, acquaintances, familiar, friends, to lovers and beyond, light touching or physical contact between the two often helps further establish a comfortable rapport. The "octopus" guy merely wants to speed things up! Other senses such as sight, hearing, and smell also, of course, come into play here...but the sense of touch is the last to be initiated and is a spot-on indicator that a person has allowed you to get close them, and potentially become even more intimate.

Some examples of this social kino are: placing a hand on a shoulder or forearm; placing a light hand on the small of the back (particularly when a man leads a woman through a crowded room, for example); a light and playful slap to the upper arm (women generally do this when laughing at a joke or a witty comment); a light touch on the thigh; one hand squeezing an other's hand or arm; a playful poke; brushing one's hair back; playing footsies (yeah...really effective in platform stompy-stompy boots!); or the ultimate type of social kinesthetics: kissing! There are many others, I'm sure, but I'll let you discover them on your own.

Also, even seemingly hostile forms of touching serve the same purpose. Remember that weird way little boys got physically aggressive with girls their own age when they secretly had a crush on them or "like-liked" them? Yup...another form (although twisted) of social kino...The young socially awkward lad is trying to gain the attention of the fragile lass by the only way he knows how...aggressive hunter-like behavior. Any attention is good attention, according to his prepubescent brain. Later on in older humans this is known as the "love-hate" relationship.

As adults however, women happen to have the upper hand (pun intended) on the subtle art of social kino...and even more so in the matriarchal Goth culture. It is so subtle, in fact, that for the most part they don't even know they are doing it! It's positively involuntary, yet quite telling. On the flip-side though, some people can be put-off by the "touchy-feely" nature of the person opposite them. Gauging reactions is paramount when exchanging these light types of physical contact, especially when trying to get to know someone better or trying to seduce them. But don't read this the wrong kinesthetics doesn't always lead to a sexual relationship -- if that were the case, people would no longer shake hands, kiss on the cheek, or hug when they meet or part. It is merely part of basic human interaction. In a romantic situation, however, social touching inadvertently needs to be further increased to achieve a certain comfort level before the relationship can progress eventually into a sexual one...and that's a whole other set of kinesthetics!!!


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Tip #45: The Goth-O-Matic Poetry Generator

If you want to create simple (and bad) Gothic poetry very quickly, look no further than's Goth-O-matic Genetrator!!! While it might seem a little simplistic in design, with the pull-down option boxes and bare-bones graphics, the resulting poetry is indeed hysterical as classic, over-the-top lamentable and tragic verse.

Play around with the options and nuances of each poem type, and soon enough, even though you may not be a poet at heart, you will start to find the patterns and themes of actual poetry...and who knows, maybe you might soon be inspired to write your very own odes of woe!