Monday, September 19, 2011

Tip #47: Meet the Pets

It's no surprise that us Gothlings are huge animal lovers...sometimes the company of animals is much, much more pleasant than the company of humans. With that said, it is also no surprise that most Goths have pets and are naturally attached to them as they would to siblings and/or children of their own. So, just like kids and family members sizing up any new potential lovers and/or mates, one must pass the scrutiny test of "the pets!" It is interesting to note here that Goth pets often times possess the same Goth personality, traits, and sensibilities of their forewarned!!!

So, it's only natural that they are very protective of their "owner" or "Alpha person." When a new human is introduced into the fold (whether a new simple friend or a potential lover), the animal in question, especially a cat or dog, will be very quick to judge...and according to the pet's temperament, personality, and protective nature, the perceived intruder can be welcomed with either great affection, indifference, or will try to claw and bite your face off!

To ease this transition of "meeting the pets" is to first assess the situation on the first or second date. Be inquisitive about the animals and take mental notes to later enter the data into your Master List. At this point it is also important to establish and determine any allergy issues before moving forward. The important questions to ask are:
  • Do you have any pets?
  • (If yes) Oh really? What kind?
  • How many?
  • What are their/his/her/its name(s)?
  • Is it a male or female? (This is an important question for a few factors we'll discuss later on)
  • How old is [insert pet name here]?
  • Do you you have any pictures on your phone? (Most people's the equivalent of children's photos in a wallet. Get used to the pet(s)' features for later identification. Anyone will be impressed that you've remembered the pet's name at a later date when meeting the actual animal... "So, this must be...")
  • What is the craziest/cutest thing [insert pet's name here] has ever done? (most pet owners, outside of talking about themselves, simply cannot resist talking about their pets, or children for that matter!)
Then, within the conversation, move onto another topic while retaining all of the intell you have just gathered for later use. when the inevitable night comes where you are invited back to "their place," you will be faced with the unavoidable "Meet the pets" situation...and like it or not, the pet's first impression of you does matter! To be prepared for this, first you will need to consult your Master List to get any and all details you need to make a first good impression...then you should:
  •  Wash, scrub, and lint brush any hairs or scents from your own pet(s), if any, away from your clothes -- keep an entire outfit sequestered away from any animals for such an occasion. Animals have an extremely keen sense of smell, and if you reek of a territory intruder, you will not be the happy recipient of a kind welcome. Also, on the same token, do not wear any overly strong perfume/cologne.
  • As you first walk into the dwelling, be prepared to be inspected and sniffed out by said pet(s) (if they are "sniffers"). Allow this to happen...even if a dog suddenly shoves its nose into your crotch! It's embarrassing, yes...just coolly brush it off, but be prepared for it. Turn it around into something comical. It is important to note her that animals, whether male or female, sometimes have different reactions to either male or female aware of this.
  • In case of emergency (and a sly little trick) and depending if the pet is a cat, dog, bat, ferret, or anaconda, try to have a bit of appropriate snacks on you, which you can offer them as a peace-offering. Animals all respond positively to one thing: food. If they can smell snacks on you, then you can't be all that bad...If you give them said snack, then you must be really nice!
  • DO NOT bring over your own pet for a meet-n-greet at this stage!!!
  • If and when you "connect" with your lover's pets, be sure to treat them with the utmost respect and love...even if you do not completely get along with them...ultimately, you will always come second to the pet(s)...better make "nice-nice!"
  • Finally, if, by chance, your lover's pet is a psychotic demon spawn from hell and hates you beyond the edges of the Earth, just have an honest and calm conversation with your lover about the situation. I've seen plenty of worthwhile relationships break up because of the mis-matching of pets, owners, and lovers. Don't let it happen to you! Try to work something out before any resentments sinks in!
Ultimately, the tip here is to respect and appreciate the animals that your new love-interest possesses...they will be a big factor in your relationship simply because they are such a major part of your love-interest's life and heart. Treat them as if you would a child...and make 'em play fetch!


  1. In my experience, my pets have been a HUGE issue in dating. I wish I could say it was something so simple as "My cat has issues with you." Keeping tarantulas, scorpions,centipedes, garden spiders, wolf spiders, black widows, false black widows, and a couple of snakes... It tends to scare away most women. Even in the Goth community, we have many women who are dreadfully arachnophobic. I've had women attempt to order me to cover up my pets before coming over. In any relationship, respect is an issue. I usually don't tell potential dates about my pets until I am certain she is genuinely interested in me. Although, recently... I seem to have found a girlfriend who accepts my animals as well as my eyeliner. We'll see how it goes.

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