Monday, September 26, 2011

Day-Crawlers in the Mist --Part XII

Greetings mates! It's good to be back to bring you yet another installment of "Day-Crawlers in the Mist!" Thanks to a recent trip I embarked on in the wilds of our nation's Capital, in this episode we will explore a new breed of Day-Crawler females I have come to identify and name as: "Gazelles." Let us start, shall we?

For the first time in my extended travels, particularly to the District of Columbia, I finally found myself there on a Friday night, on which the entire town was primed to exploit the activities of the weekend. Typically, Monday through Thursday nights turn this seemingly conservative city into a virtual ghost town after dark...especially when "last call" at all of the watering holes is set at 1:30am for a 2am closing! Downright uncivilized, if you ask me! However, on this particular Friday night, as I was driven around on safari through the brush of central D.C., I quickly noticed the high energy and activity of teeming herds of Day-Crawlers all around us! Thank darkness I was safe in the confines of the safari vehicle with a knowledgeable guide! Interestingly enough, and as a side note: It also seemed as though all of these Day-Crawler individuals moved to an almost unheard or invisible rhythmic pulse that guided them through their migratory patterns from watering-hole to watering-hole...I will be sure to study more on this phenomenon at a later date...

Suddenly, I couldn't help but notice a strange pattern among the younger set of Day-Crawler females aged 20 to some strange force they all seemed to look, dress, and act alike! For a brief moment I was convinced that we turned back through the same street twice (navigating in this city is close to impossible without technological assistance, I soon learned) and observed the same group of females once again...but no! The terrain was indeed different and this group was not quite the same as before...but all too similar. CRICKEY! These groups of "Gazelles," as I soon started to call them, were positively everywhere!!! Only comparable to a swarm of locust...simply unavoidable. I took out my trusty night-vision monocular for a closer gander... 

A Gazelle specimen is relatively easy to spot and identify if you know what to look for. First, they usually tend to travel in packs of 3 or more, and sometimes even as much as 15 or 20 if they are undergoing a very bizarre and dangerous ritual known to them as a "BATCH-LORE-ETTE-PAR-TEEH." Any Gazelle can have manes of either yellow, red, or brown hair to claim some relative sort of individuality, but all of them wear their locks down and lengthy with the bare minimum of style in the hopes of making themselves appear more mature. The clothing of any and all typical Gazelles is always standard issue: a very form-fitting top that usually exposes the shoulders and neck (especially in warmer seasons), a skin-tight micro-miniskirt (almost always in black) to show off expertly chiseled and bare legs that are accentuated by very high (and most painful looking) heeled shoes that give them the ability to saunter around in a most giraffic (new word!) way. One last important item of their wardrobe is the accessory of a small purse that contains any items that maybe crucial to the Gazelle's survival. These purses are usually flat and rectangular, not unlike a #10 envelope and open and close as such. Survival items may include, but not limited to: a cellular phone to communicate with other Gazelles at long distance ranges; Identification (real or forged) for entry to watering-holes; currency and/or cards of credit; house/car keys and face-painting instruments, also known as make-up. The make-up a Gazelle applies is the last, and maybe the most important, detail to complete the total outward appearance. This is the area where the Gazelle will focus on to a) attract attention to herself to her male counterparts and b) try to set herself apart from the rest of her pack...somehow though, by some cosmic irony, they tend to all come out looking alike! For a very in-depth and analytical view on this, I turn to the following video tutorial that was featured a long time ago on the "Romancing the Goth" blog which I found very appropriate to showcase here once again:

But the most interesting aspect of the Gazelles, however, is the social interactions that these packs of curious Day-Crawlers share with the males of their kind!

At the last stop of the Safari, as we watched a large herd of Gazelles slowly meander in front of our headlights for an up-close look, I disembarked from the vehicle with my guide (a beautiful, talented, and ultra-charming woman, might I add), and we carefully made our way behind them to a particular watering-hole that was situated directly below from my temporary dwelling I rented for this excursion. The place was, as expected, brimming with with Gazelles and males of their age range. My guide and I quickly found a perch at a table situated within a specific corner of the watering-hole that allowed us a panoramic view of the primal activities before us. We hunkered down to observe.

Packs of Gazelles, held in tight formation, roamed past us and even occupied some tables directly in front of us! For the most part, they seemed completely unfazed and indifferent to our presence (and trust me when I say, we were clearly the most out-of-sorts individuals there due to our highly stylized sense of dress and manner), but they were somewhat curious, none-the-less...just in case, we had to remain very still as to not startle them away. My guide was quick to point out that since the land of Washington D.C. was a very administrative and bureaucratic city, the Gazelle population, which is rather uncreative and possesses a highly mainstream attitude, are able to thrive and prosper here...especially on the weekends.

Directly to my left some activity started to catch my eye! A group of five Gazelles arrived at the watering-hole, all chirping in a high-pitched manner to each other, and strategically placed themselves amid a group of males that clearly have not mastered the skill of tucking in their button-down shirts into their pants, but did appreciate the pack of Gazelle's sudden appearance. Introductions were soon made, libations were exchanged, and some slight coupling started to form. All of the males of the the group (none of them 'Alpha,' by the way) were under the impression that their great fortune will surely lead them to the division and sexual conquering of these young and fresh females...they are sadly mistaken. Remember, Gazelles move in cunning packs and will very rarely leave behind one of their members to fend for her own alone.

Then, quite abruptly, as if they were all connected by the same psychic wavelength, each member of the Gazelle pack sense that things are getting too serious and simultaneously decide to move on...leaving the males behind to scratch their heads in bewilderment as to why they bought drinks for the fleeing females. At first, I thought this was a fluke, a one-time odd occurrence. But wait! My wonderful and observant guide reassures me that this isn't so, and focuses my gaze on yet another similar pack of Gazelles, a bit further out in the distance, surrounded by twice the amount of famished males! And lo and behold, the same scenario played out! FASCINATING!!!

 The only thing I can deduce from this behaviour is that there is some kind of "safety in numbers" type of factor in play here to secure survival. The Gazelles are clearly not out to seek steady mates, but rather the thrilling sensation of being sexually desired by their male counterparts and thus gaining a tremendous boost in their own self-confidence, either as a group or individually, through the same process while remaining safe within the confines of the herd. To pry away one of the Gazelles from their pack takes the skill of a very attractive and well practiced Alpha-male (known here as the "DOOOSH-BAHG") and has been proven to happen from time to time; albeit in the rarest of occasions.

After the bellow of last call is rung across the watering-hole, I am forced to bid a reluctant farewell to my exquisite guide and retire to my hut to work on my notes and data gathered on the field. The next day, I, all-to-quickly, returned back to New York City from my adventures in the District of Colombian jungle a bit more knowledgeable, but far more intrigued! And now, after having discovered this odd and curious breed of Day-Crawlers known as "Gazelles," I've even started to spot them here in increasing numbers! Could it be that these Gazelles have even reached the far plains and all the way to the Southern West coast of California...or maybe...just maybe...that is from where they originated?!?! I shudder to think of the possibility, but one thing is certain...Gazelles are multiplying, and fast!!!

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha, I love these "Day-Crawlers in the Mist" posts! I read through them all, it's so hilarious :)