Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Tip #46: Touching

Not that type of touching, you dirty bat! The type of touching between couples I am referring to to is known in the seductive arts as "Kinesthetics" (or Kino for short).

In general, mammals like to be touched by others; and females, interestingly enough, derive much more pleasure from a touch sensation than males, and are more likely to offer touch. There are two types of kinesthetics, or touching: "social" and "sexual" kinesthetics -- the social kind is what I will be concentrating on in this tip; however, truth be told, social touching is the pathway toward the sexual kind. If you just went from no social kinesthetics with a partner to full on sexual kinesthetics...then you, my friend, have just picked up a prostitute!

Social touching starts very young in life. Newborns crave the touch of their mothers immediately after birth -- it is the first sense that develops the feeling of security within the cold and harsh world, paired with hearing the familiar rhythm of a heartbeat. Why do you think hospitals ask for volunteers to come and hold premature and drug-addicted babies for hours on end? It is the primary and only source of comfort that they can experience and may can help them struggle past their fragile health issues. Even in the animal kingdom (mainly among mammals), you will notice that the mothers of newborns will immediately lick, groom, and cuddle their infants. Of course, this also provides other benefits: reduction of infection, warmth, and protection from predators. These primal instincts are instilled within all of us, and it plays out all the way through mating/romantic rituals and to parenting anew.

So, what defines "social kinesthetics" and how is it important to romance? Well, have you ever heard a woman complain that the guy she just had a date with was "a complete octopus with his hands all over me?" That's a perfect example of someone employing exaggerated amount of "Kino" to hasten the relationship. You see, when two people are getting to know each other and moving forward past the stages of being strangers, acquaintances, familiar, friends, to lovers and beyond, light touching or physical contact between the two often helps further establish a comfortable rapport. The "octopus" guy merely wants to speed things up! Other senses such as sight, hearing, and smell also, of course, come into play here...but the sense of touch is the last to be initiated and is a spot-on indicator that a person has allowed you to get close them, and potentially become even more intimate.

Some examples of this social kino are: placing a hand on a shoulder or forearm; placing a light hand on the small of the back (particularly when a man leads a woman through a crowded room, for example); a light and playful slap to the upper arm (women generally do this when laughing at a joke or a witty comment); a light touch on the thigh; one hand squeezing an other's hand or arm; a playful poke; brushing one's hair back; playing footsies (yeah...really effective in platform stompy-stompy boots!); or the ultimate type of social kinesthetics: kissing! There are many others, I'm sure, but I'll let you discover them on your own.

Also, even seemingly hostile forms of touching serve the same purpose. Remember that weird way little boys got physically aggressive with girls their own age when they secretly had a crush on them or "like-liked" them? Yup...another form (although twisted) of social kino...The young socially awkward lad is trying to gain the attention of the fragile lass by the only way he knows how...aggressive hunter-like behavior. Any attention is good attention, according to his prepubescent brain. Later on in older humans this is known as the "love-hate" relationship.

As adults however, women happen to have the upper hand (pun intended) on the subtle art of social kino...and even more so in the matriarchal Goth culture. It is so subtle, in fact, that for the most part they don't even know they are doing it! It's positively involuntary, yet quite telling. On the flip-side though, some people can be put-off by the "touchy-feely" nature of the person opposite them. Gauging reactions is paramount when exchanging these light types of physical contact, especially when trying to get to know someone better or trying to seduce them. But don't read this the wrong kinesthetics doesn't always lead to a sexual relationship -- if that were the case, people would no longer shake hands, kiss on the cheek, or hug when they meet or part. It is merely part of basic human interaction. In a romantic situation, however, social touching inadvertently needs to be further increased to achieve a certain comfort level before the relationship can progress eventually into a sexual one...and that's a whole other set of kinesthetics!!!


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