Monday, December 26, 2011

Tip #57: Thievery

No...I am not telling you to start shoplifting things to help with your romantic endeavors...well...not exactly...but the idea is there, let me explain...

Just under two years ago (romance is a very, very patient practice) while still pining for a certain fantastic girl who lived out-of-state, I was inspired to hatch an all-too-well calculated and amazing plan for her next visit to New York City, where I reside. If executed properly, and followed to the letter, this plan would have not only been a prime example of Planned Spontaneity, but would also result in a delightful afternoon of adventure with a tinge of danger (all very subtle, of course). I will now explain my plan to you as I've laid it out in detail in hopes that you can customize it to your situation(s) and hopefully gain a memorable moment with your lover, partner, date, spouse, etc., from it:

This ruse all started with a casual conversation in which I learned that the one I pined for has an affinity for fossils (whether this is actually true or not, I may never know). This tidbit of information, something worthy of the Master List, got me to thinking -- and this is how the true creative romantic mind works -- Where in this city do you see fossils? First, at the American Museum of Natural History; next, at nursing homes and (or at my family's old people); and lastly, at this incredibly cool store called Evolution, located in Manhattan's SoHo neighborhood (It's basically as if the Museum of Natural History had a really, really, really amazing gift shop!). gears start grinding: The museum is a touristy type of event (see tip #22)...maybe something to do next time she is in town to distract her from her work, only for a bit of downtime, if she has a few hours to spare. The nursing home / my restaurant thought was just a joke in my mind, but it did indeed spark the idea of a mid to late afternoon lunch after the museum visit. Harping back to tip #22's bonus tip at the end (see how all of these RomBlog tips come together?), about small souvenirs, the Evolution store comes to mind in which I can purchase a small fossil to commemorate the outing. So...that's: Museum --> late lunch --> fossil gift. Then I think to myself, that's all very fine and good, but...BLAH! Too mundane! This needs an extra dimension!

Then it hits me! As I play out the scenario over in my head, my creative imagination (I see things play out like films in my mind's eye, complete with editing and camera angles) concocted a devious storyline that should play out as follows:

After she had any business, meetings, networking, etc. to attend to and finalize, we were to meet and I was to bring her, as a surprise (of course) to the the Museum of Natural History, complete with its dynamic display of dinosaur replicas and fossils!

Now, museums, as we all know, can be either fascinating or utterly boring, depending on the exhibits...and there is never a lack of moronic tourists who haven't a faintest clue about proper museum etiquette to annoy you aplenty! Museums are also a rather stiff and stuffy affair, largely in part due to all the priceless and valuable items strewn about, and not to mention the ever-present security staff (thanks to the annoying tourists I mentioned before -- I have actually seen people try to touch precious paintings and sculptures!) constantly eye-ballin' you. Hence, there tends to be a certain air of suppressed mischievousness that lingers throughout the halls. This is what I want to capitalize on!

After strolling through numerous examples of things that perished eons ago, the second part of the plan was to be set in motion as we make our way toward the exit of the fossil exhibit and head to our late luncheon location (Mini tip: It is always best to have a place to eat and/or drink after an outing, like a movie, theater, art gallery, etc., rather than before. That way you have some time to discuss the experience you've just both shared together). But just as we leave the main room, I make as if I forgot something back inside. I tell her to wait for me right here...I'll be right back. I then make a dash back into the fossil room and wait there for about a minute...not too long...not too short...just out of her line of sight. At this time, from my coat/jacket pocket I take out an actual fossil of a fish, that is dated back to over 1.2 million years ago (bought ahead of time at the Evolution store...and not overly expensive, mind you...this isn't about a price tag), and ready it in my hand...concealing it.

Next, at a very hurried pace, I rush back to her and say, "Here! Put this in your purse (or pocket)!" as I stuff the item in question into her purse/bag/pocket/etc., without her seeing what it is. Then I say, "Quick! Let's go! We're going to be late..." and I guide her in a hasty retreat out of the museum to head toward our nearby lunch establishment (the location is also predetermined). She mustn't stop to ask what that was all about or see what I have planted on her, so it is very important to quickly change the subject if it should arise between the museum and the restaurant/lounge/etc., until we are both out of the "getaway" phase and safely in the "hideaway" to survey our plunder!

All very "Bonnie & Clyde," as it were.

Once at the restaurant, I have her "discover" the fossil that I supposedly swiped from the museum for her and say, with a glint in my eye, "For you! Just a tiny souvenir...I doubt they will miss it." Now, the reaction could range from her calling the police on me to tossing into some bushes while exclaiming that she is allergic to fish fossils; however, knowing how she knows me, I can safely guess that she would realize my little ruse and we would both share a good laugh while the fossil of the fish thus turning into a future reminder of our shared experence.

That was the plan. It all worked out so my overactive imagination. But, alas, it never came to fruition. Every time my dear friend came to the City she had less and less time to spare to distract herself from work, commitments, and such...I never did get to pull off my "heist" and that fish fossil still remains with me for two years this Spring to remind me of an adventurous afternoon that could have been. Ainsi soit la vie...

But that doesn't mean you can't take advantage of the main scope, or even some of the details of this idea! Just be sure that it feels right to you first. Do your research...if it's not a fossil, then something else...something mentioned casually a certain amount of time back, almost forgotten. Remember to consult your Master List. Also, bring the receipt of said item with a Goth you might already look suspicious, so if you are acting all extra suspicious at...let's say...Tiffany's trying to pull this off, please remember that eyes (human and electronic) are constantly on it cool. Don't blame me if you get caught. Plus you never really stole anything. That's the whole fun of it!

I wish that the construction of this plan doesn't go in vain, and I hope that you can work it into your romantic lives somehow, and I would love to hear how it turned out if you ever do! And please do have a gloomy new year!!!

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