Tip #48: Hidden Agenda

Never have a hidden agenda when it comes to romance! True romance and love should always be altruistic in nature. If you are making romantic gestures in hopes of any sort of gain, whether sexual, emotional, or financial, then you aren't practicing romance...you are practicing deception for selfish reasons.

The purpose behind proper romance is to please the recipient of the affection by providing a sense of worth, acknowledgement, and desirability. Romance in any other nature will soon enough be construed as fake and disingenuous by the recipient as soon as the said "giver" of romantic gestures has had his or her goals and expectations met. Case in point, have you ever heard it being said: "As soon as we got married he/she completely changed...almost overnight!" This happens more often than you realize! There are people out there who, when courting or dating, will be the sweetest, most sincere sole; but once things are legally binding, the true side of their persona surfaces...and it is usually very ugly! Be sure to read the tell-tale signs of this (see tip# 27: The Litmus Test) very early on in the relationship!

Day-Crawlers in the Mist --Part XII

Greetings mates! It's good to be back to bring you yet another installment of "Day-Crawlers in the Mist!" Thanks to a recent trip I embarked on in the wilds of our nation's Capital, in this episode we will explore a new breed of Day-Crawler females I have come to identify and name as: "Gazelles." Let us start, shall we?


For the first time in my extended travels, particularly to the District of Columbia, I finally found myself there on a Friday night, on which the entire town was primed to exploit the activities of the weekend. Typically, Monday through Thursday nights turn this seemingly conservative city into a virtual ghost town after dark...especially when "last call" at all of the watering holes is set at 1:30am for a 2am closing! Downright uncivilized, if you ask me! However, on this particular Friday night, as I was driven around on safari through the brush of central D.C., I quickly noticed the high energy and activity of teeming herds of Day-Crawlers all around us! Thank darkness I was safe in the confines of the safari vehicle with a knowledgeable guide! Interestingly enough, and as a side note: It also seemed as though all of these Day-Crawler individuals moved to an almost unheard or invisible rhythmic pulse that guided them through their migratory patterns from watering-hole to watering-hole...I will be sure to study more on this phenomenon at a later date...


Suddenly, I couldn't help but notice a strange pattern among the younger set of Day-Crawler females aged 20 to 25...by some strange force they all seemed to look, dress, and act alike! For a brief moment I was convinced that we turned back through the same street twice (navigating in this city is close to impossible without technological assistance, I soon learned) and observed the same group of females once again...but no! The terrain was indeed different and this group was not quite the same as before...but all too similar. CRICKEY! These groups of "Gazelles," as I soon started to call them, were positively everywhere!!! Only comparable to a swarm of locust...simply unavoidable. I took out my trusty night-vision monocular for a closer gander... 


A Gazelle specimen is relatively easy to spot and identify if you know what to look for. First, they usually tend to travel in packs of 3 or more, and sometimes even as much as 15 or 20 if they are undergoing a very bizarre and dangerous ritual known to them as a "BATCH-LORE-ETTE-PAR-TEEH." Any Gazelle can have manes of either yellow, red, or brown hair to claim some relative sort of individuality, but all of them wear their locks down and lengthy with the bare minimum of style in the hopes of making themselves appear more mature. The clothing of any and all typical Gazelles is always standard issue: a very form-fitting top that usually exposes the shoulders and neck (especially in warmer seasons), a skin-tight micro-miniskirt (almost always in black) to show off expertly chiseled and bare legs that are accentuated by very high (and most painful looking) heeled shoes that give them the ability to saunter around in a most giraffic (new word!) way. One last important item of their wardrobe is the accessory of a small purse that contains any items that maybe crucial to the Gazelle's survival. These purses are usually flat and rectangular, not unlike a #10 envelope and open and close as such. Survival items may include, but not limited to: a cellular phone to communicate with other Gazelles at long distance ranges; Identification (real or forged) for entry to watering-holes; currency and/or cards of credit; house/car keys and face-painting instruments, also known as make-up. The make-up a Gazelle applies is the last, and maybe the most important, detail to complete the total outward appearance. This is the area where the Gazelle will focus on to a) attract attention to herself to her male counterparts and b) try to set herself apart from the rest of her pack...somehow though, by some cosmic irony, they tend to all come out looking alike! For a very in-depth and analytical view on this, I turn to the following video tutorial that was featured a long time ago on the "Romancing the Goth" blog which I found very appropriate to showcase here once again:



But the most interesting aspect of the Gazelles, however, is the social interactions that these packs of curious Day-Crawlers share with the males of their kind!


At the last stop of the Safari, as we watched a large herd of Gazelles slowly meander in front of our headlights for an up-close look, I disembarked from the vehicle with my guide (a beautiful, talented, and ultra-charming woman, might I add), and we carefully made our way behind them to a particular watering-hole that was situated directly below from my temporary dwelling I rented for this excursion. The place was, as expected, brimming with with Gazelles and males of their age range. My guide and I quickly found a perch at a table situated within a specific corner of the watering-hole that allowed us a panoramic view of the primal activities before us. We hunkered down to observe.

Packs of Gazelles, held in tight formation, roamed past us and even occupied some tables directly in front of us! For the most part, they seemed completely unfazed and indifferent to our presence (and trust me when I say, we were clearly the most out-of-sorts individuals there due to our highly stylized sense of dress and manner), but they were somewhat curious, none-the-less...just in case, we had to remain very still as to not startle them away. My guide was quick to point out that since the land of Washington D.C. was a very administrative and bureaucratic city, the Gazelle population, which is rather uncreative and possesses a highly mainstream attitude, are able to thrive and prosper here...especially on the weekends.

Directly to my left some activity started to catch my eye! A group of five Gazelles arrived at the watering-hole, all chirping in a high-pitched manner to each other, and strategically placed themselves amid a group of males that clearly have not mastered the skill of tucking in their button-down shirts into their pants, but did appreciate the pack of Gazelle's sudden appearance. Introductions were soon made, libations were exchanged, and some slight coupling started to form. All of the males of the the group (none of them 'Alpha,' by the way) were under the impression that their great fortune will surely lead them to the division and sexual conquering of these young and fresh females...they are sadly mistaken. Remember, Gazelles move in cunning packs and will very rarely leave behind one of their members to fend for her own alone.

Then, quite abruptly, as if they were all connected by the same psychic wavelength, each member of the Gazelle pack sense that things are getting too serious and simultaneously decide to move on...leaving the males behind to scratch their heads in bewilderment as to why they bought drinks for the fleeing females. At first, I thought this was a fluke, a one-time odd occurrence. But wait! My wonderful and observant guide reassures me that this isn't so, and focuses my gaze on yet another similar pack of Gazelles, a bit further out in the distance, surrounded by twice the amount of famished males! And lo and behold, the same scenario played out! FASCINATING!!!

 The only thing I can deduce from this behaviour is that there is some kind of "safety in numbers" type of factor in play here to secure survival. The Gazelles are clearly not out to seek steady mates, but rather the thrilling sensation of being sexually desired by their male counterparts and thus gaining a tremendous boost in their own self-confidence, either as a group or individually, through the same process while remaining safe within the confines of the herd. To pry away one of the Gazelles from their pack takes the skill of a very attractive and well practiced Alpha-male (known here as the "DOOOSH-BAHG") and has been proven to happen from time to time; albeit in the rarest of occasions.

After the bellow of last call is rung across the watering-hole, I am forced to bid a reluctant farewell to my exquisite guide and retire to my hut to work on my notes and data gathered on the field. The next day, I, all-to-quickly, returned back to New York City from my adventures in the District of Colombian jungle a bit more knowledgeable, but far more intrigued! And now, after having discovered this odd and curious breed of Day-Crawlers known as "Gazelles," I've even started to spot them here in increasing numbers! Could it be that these Gazelles have even reached the far plains and all the way to the Southern West coast of California...or maybe...just maybe...that is from where they originated?!?! I shudder to think of the possibility, but one thing is certain...Gazelles are multiplying, and fast!!!

Tip #47: Meet the Pets

It's no surprise that us Gothlings are huge animal lovers...sometimes the company of animals is much, much more pleasant than the company of humans. With that said, it is also no surprise that most Goths have pets and are naturally attached to them as they would to siblings and/or children of their own. So, just like kids and family members sizing up any new potential lovers and/or mates, one must pass the scrutiny test of "the pets!" It is interesting to note here that Goth pets often times possess the same Goth personality, traits, and sensibilities of their owners...be forewarned!!!

So, it's only natural that they are very protective of their "owner" or "Alpha person." When a new human is introduced into the fold (whether a new simple friend or a potential lover), the animal in question, especially a cat or dog, will be very quick to judge...and according to the pet's temperament, personality, and protective nature, the perceived intruder can be welcomed with either great affection, indifference, or will try to claw and bite your face off!

To ease this transition of "meeting the pets" is to first assess the situation on the first or second date. Be inquisitive about the animals and take mental notes to later enter the data into your Master List. At this point it is also important to establish and determine any allergy issues before moving forward. The important questions to ask are:

• Do you have any pets?
• (If yes) Oh really? What kind?
• How many?
• What are their/his/her/its name(s)?
• Is it a male or female? (This is an important question for a few factors we'll discuss later on)
• How old is [insert pet name here]?
• Do you you have any pictures on your phone? (Most people do...it's the equivalent of children's photos in a wallet. Get used to the pet(s)' features for later identification. Anyone will be impressed that you've remembered the pet's name at a later date when meeting the actual animal... "So, this must be...")
• What is the craziest/cutest thing [insert pet's name here] has ever done? (most pet owners, outside of talking about themselves, simply cannot resist talking about their pets, or children for that matter!)

Then, within the conversation, move onto another topic while retaining all of the intell you have just gathered for later use.



O.k....so when the inevitable night comes where you are invited back to "their place," you will be faced with the unavoidable "Meet the pets" situation...and like it or not, the pet's first impression of you does matter! To be prepared for this, first you will need to consult your Master List to get any and all details you need to make a first good impression...then you should:

•  Wash, scrub, and lint brush any hairs or scents from your own pet(s), if any, away from your clothes -- keep an entire outfit sequestered away from any animals for such an occasion. Animals have an extremely keen sense of smell, and if you reek of a territory intruder, you will not be the happy recipient of a kind welcome. Also, on the same token, do not wear any overly strong perfume/cologne.
• As you first walk into the dwelling, be prepared to be inspected and sniffed out by said pet(s) (if they are "sniffers"). Allow this to happen...even if a dog suddenly shoves its nose into your crotch! It's embarrassing, yes...just coolly brush it off, but be prepared for it. Turn it around into something comical. It is important to note her that animals, whether male or female, sometimes have different reactions to either male or female humans...be aware of this.
• In case of emergency (and a sly little trick) and depending if the pet is a cat, dog, bat, ferret, or anaconda, try to have a bit of appropriate snacks on you, which you can offer them as a peace-offering. Animals all respond positively to one thing: food. If they can smell snacks on you, then you can't be all that bad...If you give them said snack, then you must be really nice!
• DO NOT bring over your own pet for a meet-n-greet at this stage!!!
• If and when you "connect" with your lover's pets, be sure to treat them with the utmost respect and love...even if you do not completely get along with them...ultimately, you will always come second to the pet(s)...better make "nice-nice!"
• Finally, if, by chance, your lover's pet is a psychotic demon spawn from hell and hates you beyond the edges of the Earth, just have an honest and calm conversation with your lover about the situation. I've seen plenty of worthwhile relationships break up because of the mis-matching of pets, owners, and lovers. Don't let it happen to you! Try to work something out before any resentments sinks in!

Ultimately, the tip here is to respect and appreciate the animals that your new love-interest possesses...they will be a big factor in your relationship simply because they are such a major part of your love-interest's life and heart. Treat them as if you would a child...and make 'em play fetch!



Tip #46: Touching

Not that type of touching, you dirty bat! The type of touching between couples I am referring to to is known in the seductive arts as "Kinesthetics" (or Kino for short).

In general, mammals like to be touched by others; and females, interestingly enough, derive much more pleasure from a touch sensation than males, and are more likely to offer touch. There are two types of kinesthetics, or touching: "social" and "sexual" kinesthetics -- the social kind is what I will be concentrating on in this tip; however, truth be told, social touching is the pathway toward the sexual kind. If you just went from no social kinesthetics with a partner to full on sexual kinesthetics...then you, my friend, have just picked up a prostitute!

Social touching starts very young in life. Newborns crave the touch of their mothers immediately after birth -- it is the first sense that develops the feeling of security within the cold and harsh world, paired with hearing the familiar rhythm of a heartbeat. Why do you think hospitals ask for volunteers to come and hold premature and drug-addicted babies for hours on end? It is the primary and only source of comfort that they can experience and may can help them struggle past their fragile health issues. Even in the animal kingdom (mainly among mammals), you will notice that the mothers of newborns will immediately lick, groom, and cuddle their infants. Of course, this also provides other benefits: reduction of infection, warmth, and protection from predators. These primal instincts are instilled within all of us, and it plays out all the way through mating/romantic rituals and to parenting anew.

So, what defines "social kinesthetics" and how is it important to romance? Well, have you ever heard a woman complain that the guy she just had a date with was "a complete octopus with his hands all over me?" That's a perfect example of someone employing exaggerated amount of "Kino" to hasten the relationship. You see, when two people are getting to know each other and moving forward past the stages of being strangers, acquaintances, familiar, friends, to lovers and beyond, light touching or physical contact between the two often helps further establish a comfortable rapport. The "octopus" guy merely wants to speed things up! Other senses such as sight, hearing, and smell also, of course, come into play here...but the sense of touch is the last to be initiated and is a spot-on indicator that a person has allowed you to get close them, and potentially become even more intimate.

Some examples of this social kino are: placing a hand on a shoulder or forearm; placing a light hand on the small of the back (particularly when a man leads a woman through a crowded room, for example); a light and playful slap to the upper arm (women generally do this when laughing at a joke or a witty comment); a light touch on the thigh; one hand squeezing an other's hand or arm; a playful poke; brushing one's hair back; playing footsies (yeah...really effective in platform stompy-stompy boots!); or the ultimate type of social kinesthetics: kissing! There are many others, I'm sure, but I'll let you discover them on your own.

Also, even seemingly hostile forms of touching serve the same purpose. Remember that weird way little boys got physically aggressive with girls their own age when they secretly had a crush on them or "like-liked" them? Yup...another form (although twisted) of social kino...The young socially awkward lad is trying to gain the attention of the fragile lass by the only way he knows how...aggressive hunter-like behavior. Any attention is good attention, according to his prepubescent brain. Later on in older humans this is known as the "love-hate" relationship.

As adults however, women happen to have the upper hand (pun intended) on the subtle art of social kino...and even more so in the matriarchal Goth culture. It is so subtle, in fact, that for the most part they don't even know they are doing it! It's positively involuntary, yet quite telling. On the flip-side though, some people can be put-off by the "touchy-feely" nature of the person opposite them. Gauging reactions is paramount when exchanging these light types of physical contact, especially when trying to get to know someone better or trying to seduce them. But don't read this the wrong way...social kinesthetics doesn't always lead to a sexual relationship -- if that were the case, people would no longer shake hands, kiss on the cheek, or hug when they meet or part. It is merely part of basic human interaction. In a romantic situation, however, social touching inadvertently needs to be further increased to achieve a certain comfort level before the relationship can progress eventually into a sexual one...and that's a whole other set of kinesthetics!!!


*POKE*