Thursday, July 28, 2011

Tip #40: The Green Eyed Monster

Jealousy. We all know that it is a very powerful and ugly emotion that bridges love, anger, hate, and possession. The dictionary describes it as:

[jel-uh-see] –noun,
1) jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself. 2) mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims. 3) vigilance in maintaining or guarding something. 4) a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.
And in some certain circles it's even considered as a "sin" (whatever those things are)! However, in the land in which I was born, France (Zee kowntree uv luv), jealousy is a romantic tool that, when exercised with moderation and tact, will clue you in on the status of your own relationship!
You see, in France, where passions and sexuality run high, relationships begin and end at a very feverish pace. Sharing eye-contact and a flirtatious smile with a girl, followed up with the direct question: "You're you want to be my girlfriend?" is quite commonplace, and within the hour of an affirmative response the young couple seem to be as intimate and in love with each other just like seasoned lovers (*sigh* sometimes I miss my homeland when it comes to things like this). Whereas here in the United States, and other less romantic countries, the courting, dating, mating process can be a very long and drawn out affair consisting of games, tests, and obstacles to overcome to prove one's self as worthy to be in a relationship. For example, there is no "going steady" in are either all in or all out as young lovers...later on, in older relationships, is when mistresses and side lovers come into play (but that's another story). So, within the dynamic of young/new love, jealousy serves as a sort of litmus test or gauge to the relationship at hand. Here's how it works:
At any stage of the relationship, one or each partner will test the other by measuring that partner's level of jealousy. This is done very innocently and simply...not by sleeping with anything that moves. No, this is done by merely catching the glance at another boy/girl, very basic and coy flirtation, or even by manner of provocative dress. The jealous reaction, being provoked, is what is being tested here, and the three different outcomes will speak volumes to the state of the relationship.
  • Reaction A: Hyper-Jealousy -- If the reaction is over-the-top jealousy which may or may not result into a verbal and even a physical altercation, this should raise red-flags left and right and the relationship should end, or at least be seriously repaired, before emotions and actions escalate to any dangerous will only get worse...and you don't want to end up starring on your very own personal episode of Snapped or 48 Hours
  • Reaction B: Indifference -- This is just as deadly...if not a relationship than Hyper-Jealousy! If your lover shows no or little reaction what-so-ever to the jealousy tests, then he or she simply does not care the least bit about the relationship and the emotions vested in it...move on. And don't chalk it up to strong self-confidence from your partner...that's just B.S.! Basic indifference or lack of any acknowledgement is as instantly deadly to a romantic as sunlight is to Vampires! Flee!!!
  • Reaction C: Constructive Jealousy -- This is the ideal. Now, mind you, between Reaction A and Reaction B, which are the two extremes, resides the wide spectrum of Reaction C, an ideal level of jealousy that displays attention and a healthy hint of possessiveness. Keeping them on their toes, as it were. Also, the secret to this is to keep it very playful...however, egging on your lover in this way on a constant and steady level is just plain cruel...use moderation.
So the fundamental tip is this: Try to implement gradual and little tests of jealousy to keep tabs on the status of the relationship and keeping things fresh and spicy...It's not necessarily a bad thing! I can sense a whole bunch of you thinking to yourselves that jealousy, in any situation, is inherently a bad general, but only in extremes. Try to tame jealousy and use it as a positive is possible.

And as a side note: If you find that you are one of those Hyper-Jealous types in your relationship, please do yourself and your partner a favor and seek immediate obviously suffer from some deep-seeded confidence and low self-esteem issues that you need to address before you qualify or even deserve to be in the arms of a loving person. Just sayin'...

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