Greetings my dear Gothlings!
(Original post date: 12/28/09)
CRICKEY!!! You will never believe the experience I’ve just had last night! What a rare and fascinating experience! Let me explain…I was unaware, but fortunately privileged to observe a multitude of younger, more underdeveloped Day-Crawlers at a watering-hole which gave me much insight to the basic instinctive behaviors of this species. The research data I’ve gathered is rather staggering and remarkable in which I’ve concluded that common social Day-Crawler behavior is indeed forged at the 18 to 21 year stage of life! Let us proceed into my tale…
I arrived at a familiar watering-hole close to my dwellings at approximately 11pm last night (the name and location of said watering-hole shall not be disclosed here for legal purposes…you’ll understand why in a bit). I could witness from across the street that the establishment was thick with a vast herd…a bit unusual, I thought, but reasoned it to being due to the Sunday night ritual of watching a barbaric gamed called the “Foot-Ball” (which oddly enough hardly involves feet what-so-ever) on numerous television screens.
This specific watering-hole, being known as a “Sports Bar” usually tends to attract male Day-Crawlers seeking to witness male-on-male competition, which, in turn, attract single females whom feign interest in said athletic competition in hopes of finding a mate…a rather desperate and futile exercise, in my opinion. But this was not the case, I soon found out. No! As I approached the watering-hole I soon found myself face-to-face with an inexplicable hoard of under-aged Day-Crawlers!
As I entered I found myself pressing forward through a frenzy of bodies that have not yet fully matured, but find themselves in a much sought after adult environment (for the record I gauged the age range to be 18 - 23). Astonishing! What were the chances? This was maybe a once in a lifetime shot to observe less mature Day-Crawlers at a watering-hole which were gathered there illegally. Let me explain how this rare occurrence comes to fruition:
Usually, within this Day-Crawler age bracket, an attractive female will serve as a scout (perhaps accompanied by a small cluster of other females for maximum effect) in search of a watering hole that is rather lax in their age restriction/serving alcohol to those under 21 policies. On a Sunday night most watering-holes don’t bother to hire a Bouncer since most Day-Crawling revelry is ritually done on Friday and Saturday nights. Once said young Day-Crawling female has infiltrated such an establishment using her charms on either a doorman/bouncer/bartender, or all of the above if skilled enough, she will quickly use her technology to summon others of her flock to her location. Soon enough a swarm of similar males and females overwhelm the watering-hole and its staff…a sad sight, really.
I was forced to witness several of the bar staff struggle against the onslaught of rapid demands and ravenous appetite for libation! They descended on the bar like a fat kid on a happy meal. The bar staff (most of them good acquaintances of mine) were reduced to nothing more than drones trying to keep afloat among the chaos in which they swam in…they obviously weren’t expecting this…all I could do was watch in horror.
I pushed past the hoard toward the back of the watering-hole in hopes of finding a small cover of refuge. In doing so, I found two acquaintances that are employed at the watering-hole cowering from the invasion of young Day-Crawlers. Being Day-Crawlers themselves, this gave me great cause for alarm. I found a small 2ft. X 2ft. haven which seemed fortunate…but…unfortunately was situated directly adjacent to the male and female urination area! Now…whilst this might sound unsightly, it did give me the unique opportunity to witness a rather heated conflict between the young Day-Crawler sexes!
As I stood there, quiet and still, in my corner, in close proximity of the Day-Crawling relief sectors, I observed that the sheer volume of herd population was overbearing on the watering-hole’s facilities. Now, it is scientifically proven that a female Day-Crawler’s bladder is much smaller than a male’s, allowing for reproductive organs and such. And it is also architecturally proven that there are far more relief stations for males than females in any given establishment and/or watering-holes…a sad fact…but true…thus, the following happens:
Males have the fortune of relieving themselves less often and are quicker in doing so (thanks largely in part due to their ability to urinate upright, and their clothing are adapted to accommodate such practice), as opposed to their female counterparts, sometimes having to remove several layers of clothing and also taking extra care of hygiene, primping, etc. within an already restrictive area, hence a queue quickly starts to form. Sometimes small packs of two or three females will enter a small lavatory at once which sometimes adds to the time spent inside as opposed to lessening it in theory. Now, in this day in age, especially with the younger generation of Day-Crawler females, they are not so shy to use a male relief area if unoccupied and if pressed, tossing segregation to the wind. However, you will find that (and particularly because females tend to take longer) that the males become quite hostile to this practice…especially after ingesting several beverages, thus the conflict has been formed…and I find myself uncomfortably amidst this scene. I move to another perch…
I manage my way to the front end of the watering-hole with some great difficulty. As I squeeze through the swarm of young day-Crawlers I feel their judgemental gaze upon me, each commenting on my outlandish fashion and appearance. These adolescents know not what to make of me. They have scarcely ever encountered someone like me in their sheltered, trustfund-baby lives. All eyes on me as I make the long and arduous walk through the thickest part of the crowd where I find my new vantage point. Soon enough I overhear the usual comments and snickered insults. This time, for some strange reason, I feel rather boisterous and resilient to this pack…maybe because they are a lot younger, weaker, and far more inebriated than I am. When I overheard someone whisper to another, “Hey, take a look at that guy standing behind you” I made sure to move in close and make strong eye contact as the Day-Crawler peered over his shoulder to take a gander at me . With me staring at them in this fashion he was immediately intimidated and diverted his gaze elsewhere. But soon something quite amusing happened…
It was approximately 2am when the Day-Crawling younglings started to migrate away to their lairs, and it was about this time that I felt comfortable enough to move freely about the watering-hole. As I passed by the last remaining pack of baby-blue oxford shirt and khaki pant wearing Day-Crawling males, a spindly, baseball capped individual voiced the following comparison about me to his fellow pack members: “Hey, look! It’s Professor Snape!” This particular Day-Crawler was in such ear-shot of me that he was almost shouting it in my face. I stopped dead in my tracks, turned toward his nerdy little frame, leaned in, and said, “Really? A Harry Potter reference? Is that the best you can do? How much of a child are you?!?” I said this rather loudly just as the jukebox music subsided at just the right moment for all his pack brethren hear me berate him. The bar staff, who is well aware of my style, began laughing at this Day-Crawler’s expense…as did the few Day-Crawling females that lingered. In an instant the spindly Day-Crawler vacated the watering-hole rightfully embarrassed and hopefully have had learned a lesson in tact and decorum. Truely a fascinating experience, indeed!
Until next time, my dark friends!
See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles