Greetings my dear Gothlings!
(Original post date: 3/1/10)
Blimey! My Day-Crawling field research almost proved disastrous for me the other night when I foolishly parked myself within striking distance near an elusive and dangerous Day Crawler creature known commonly among them as a Cougar! Here’s what happened…
Just the other night, out of shear boredom, I ventured to the familiar watering-hole at the Times Square W Hotel’s lobby bar to immerse myself within this migratory herd that have taken rest here for the night. As I reached the floor of the lobby bar and the elevator doors ‘ding-ed’ open, my ears were flooded by the sound of a massive herd of day-Crawlers. It was quite deafening really. I braved onward. All the habitual pack members were present: the Alpha-males, the cunning females, the suits, the wide eyed foreign ones, and the rest of the herd loudly satisfying their thirst and socializing needs. My quiet corner of the bar that I usually take as my my vantage point was heavily populated and I struggled to find an open slot in which I could squeeze into. Quickly enough, at the other end of the bar, I noticed a space for me to conquer. I swiftly occupy the space without really taking into consideration who my watering-hole neighbors were. That was my major faux-pas.
Immediately I felt judgemental eyes upon me. No problem…I’m used to it…it just pure Day-Crawler instinct to judge me by my appearance. I calmly place an order with a bartendress and slowly open my notebook to start jotting down some notes. Using my keen peripheral vision I skillfully take notice that to my left is a small pack of 4 young males trying to impress two much smaller females. The males take little or no interest in me, and, a bit surprising to me, relinquish more space at the bar, in turn, closing in further on the unsuspecting females. I take a cautious and slight glance to my right and there she was…The Cougar!
Cougar was probably not the right word for her…mangy Bobcat was more like it! She was in her late 50’s to early 60’s, blond, dressed like any ex-hippie would (think jeans, a suede jacket, and beads), and was intoxicated. As I penned my notes on my notebook’s blank page, I felt her gaze clumsily trying to focus on my hands and what I was writing. Her gaze then combed me from head to toe in efforts to try to drink me in completely…as if she hadn’t drank enough already! I could feel the questions she wanted to ask me percolate in her mind. She was going to engage me conversation, this I was sure of. I continued to write in my ominous looking notebook…trying to avoid eye contact. I then closed my notebook away from her prying eyes as I took a refreshing sip from my glass of wine.
“Excuse me, ” she started…”Oh, here we go,” I thought…”but is that a bible?” she continued.
“No…this is my notebook. One doesn’t usually writes in a bible,” I pointed out. She wobbled a bit, tried to focus her eyes onto mine, and became rapidly fascinated with me and my actions.
I took a long scan at the rest of the room over my left shoulder, away from the Cougar in a tactful attempt to avert her gaze…I was also searching for another slot at the bar to which I could sneak away to…but with out any luck. I could sense that she was again staring at my hands. I will admit that my hands, especially my digits are of particular interest to Day-Crawlers — I have long and extremely pointy finger nails, which are painted in a black lacquer, and my fingers are adorned with rather unique silver rings. So yes…my hands are interesting.
The next thing I know, this odd woman scoops up my right hand to have a close examination of it. All of the sudden I’m standing there with my hand in hers as if she’s going to propose marriage to me! The most comical part was the bartendress’ reaction to this display before her! She gave me a quizzical and bewildered look, and all I could do was return the same. Moreover, over the course of time that I was there, the Cougar did this odd behavior not once…but THREE TIMES!!!
I must digress here and give a very scientific explanation of what is a “Cougar.” The term of Cougar (Puma Sexualis) was coined approximately three to four years ago to describe a Day-Crawler female over the age 40 who sexually prey on males much younger than she. Technically, a Cougar is lithe, svelte, and quite physically toned to compete with younger, firmer females for the attention of males. The Cougar is adequately armed with experience, wisdom, sultriness, and the money of one or several ex-husbands, making her even more dangerous. The Cougar is apt in moving quite stealthily when seeking when stalking her prey, and no Alpha-male can tame her; plus every day-Crawling boy she successfully hunts down are left confused, drained, and maybe a bit more experienced.
Back to my ordeal: This Cougar is hitting on me hard! I try to make an effort to ignore her, but to no avail. She was persistent. After some back-and-forth she eventually and confidently asked: “Do you want to join me back in my room for some fun?” I instinctively answered, “Of course I do! Sure…why not?!? Just give me a few minutes to settle my tab and get my coat out of the coat check. What’s you room number? I’ll meet you there.” She whispered the room number in my ear, gave my earlobe a slight nibble, and stumbled off to the elevator. I settled my tab…I got my coat….AND HIGH-TAILED THE FUCK OUT OF THERE LIKE A JACK-RABBIT!!! I literally flew into a cab outside of the Hotel. I escaped unscathed…but rather shaken. Beware the COUGAR!
See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles
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